I've been away for so long that I feel like I owe you all an explanation.

First being, life happened. Now that may sound like a wtf-this-is-no-excuse because it might come off as if I am accusing you all of having no lives when in reality maybe it's the other way round. The thing is, I am a student. No ing , you all must have thought and honestly, you all might have killed me at least 5472 times in your head for this 'excuse' already. Wow that's an awfully specific number. Anyways, I am a med-student, nothing to be flaunting considering the fact that I have 3 hair left on my head now. It's getting really tiring to balance out studies with, well, with my thousand hobbies. I game and I don't mean 1 hour, I mean g a m e. I paint too and let's just say that despite not being good at it, I sure as hell waste a lot of time on it. I sing, now t h a t is something stupid because everyone sings, right? Yeah, I just happened to be a 1 added to everyone and multiplied by 1000. I read...or shall I say, used to read and then started reading once again to push myself to write(currently, you'll find me laying in bed with a duvet and a book in hand hoping to find motivation in a comedy novel) and well, I write, more precisely, used to write. I take an awful lot of time for someone who just has to pen down her wild thoughts and lame jokes and comebacks I dare not tell anyone. 

Also, being a girl, house chores, I'm sure we all have them and I am no orangutan among humans for doing so. Oh, did I mention that I teach too? Seriously, does anyone even care about this rambling? 

What I'm trying to say is, studies have taken over every single hobby of mine...for the most part. Minus singing because like how the can singing be taken over, right? You don't require a brain to sing, no wonder this is legit all I do now. 

To add to all of this..bull-ting, I feel sad. Reason unknown. I don't know why but I just do. Maybe it's anatomy. Maybe it's just because I'm sad. That made zero sense. Maybe because I have family issues. I really hate to bring this up but like everyone in the world, surprise surprise, I have family issues too. And must I add, like the entirety of earthlings, a lot of them too. Some people have a good coping mechanism, while some don't. I'm some don't. Maybe it's the fact that I miss my old friends, who, by the rule of life have ventured off to discover their inner self. Aka, a different career and different university. Why must I be so dramatic. I have friends in my new university, don't get me wrong but they don't get my humour and for some weird reason that makes me sad. 

Having encountered snakes already, the whole university experience just . Pressure. A lot of it, I feel it. Pressure of being a good student, a good daughter, a good author, a good human being. It's suffocating sometimes. And when you feel that you're successively failing every single one of them, you feel demotivated. 

I feel demotivated to live. But I can't die so like where do I belong? That got dark real fast. . 

This was like 2% of why I was away but hey, I'm trying to come back. I know you all are rolling your eyes by now, that is, if anyone even reached this length lol Just, just don't choose medical okay? 

Seriously, after all of the brain-eating I did with this, I have the audacity to end it with t h a t? Yes, I do. Don't choose it unless it's your passion, which, in my case, it wasn't. 

Take care everyone, stay safe and wait for me please. I'm getting there. I won't disappoint you all. ♡

P.S: To top it all, I have a laptop from 1950s. "But you can use your phone", yes I can but it's not the same and how to edit it on phone even? "There weren't any in 1950" why yes there were, in my head, please don't argue with me.