so hello. it's been a long, LONG while since my last blog post here. i've been thinking about posting but i just had no time and frankly, no idea what to post when i do have the time. so yeah i happen to stumble one of my google drives (no not really "happen to") i INTENTIONALLY went there because well, sue me, i've been feeling lonely and sentimental lately that i've come to my old, dusty box filled with memories. and by dusty box, i mean the google drive i made around early 2018.

i've mentioned in one of my blogs before how i used to screenshot a good convo between me and my past (and one and only) s/o. well that gdrive contained memories from the years 2016-2018. it was crazy how i managed to curate everything in there. i even salvaged an old phone (its screen wasn't working because it got wet and i planned to dispose of it if not for the saved data) just to acquire the 2016 screenshots. bUT YEAH CRAZY CRAZY. 

i'm in my third year of university now and last year actually, i had a small crush on someone in my uni (he's a different person from the new guy that i mentioned in my previous blog series). so yeah i was preoccupied a bit by this 2nd uni crush. and to be honest i liked it-- because it made me feel like i've moved on from previous s/o. there were literally weeks where i hadn't thought of him at all because of the uni crushie. although i should say that a large part, like 90% large, of why i came to like this guy is because he reminded my of previous s/o AND UGH, i guess that was it and things fell apart between us easily because i really thought the uni crushie would be just like prev s/o. but he's not. besides he likes someone else. and tbh, it didn't really hurt me much when we fell apart... maybe there was some small pain because i regretted losing the friendship (it's hard to make friends these days pheW) that we've built for months. but that was literally it, i moved on quickly and rn i'm wondering if i ever legit liked him in the first place. anyway he helped me forget about prev s/o FOR A VERY SHORT WHILE though, i think that's what he did best.

so like now, i'm just well, it's online class everywhere. and if it's hard to find good enuf boys in uni during regular class, it's even harder now : ) 3 OH WELL it's not like i'm finding boys to crush on lately. cus my experience with 2nd uni crushie was just so draining and nothing bore fruit in the end (aka we didn't become an item) anyway so i just thought i've had enough of men in general. i should just focus on studies and the good things in life-- what relationships (friends and family) i have rn and ofc, my manhwa boys. i do be reading a lot of manhwa lately doe. 

but yeah this pandemic sure is taking its time,,, i'm getting rather lonely again these days. and with that are thoughts of him that spiral in my mind almost every other day, almost every day actually. i don't know. i don't keep track. but he's there in my mind, rent free. I AM A GREAT SIMP ya kno? it got so lonely to the point that for a moment of weakness, i opened the pandora's box. i reopened the google drive. and i'm on my knees again. 

this was the first image i saw. like. ofc i have seen this multiple times before. but like. hello. has it really been fpur years since then? i'm goinggggggggg sad. it literally says september 19, 2016. and previous s/o ever so confidently says i'm gonna forget about him in years time. i'm like whoops sorry bud it's been four years since then but i still think about you (AND YOUR EVERYTHING) from time to time. we stopped talking like january 5th of 2018 so it's been almost 3 years since our last contact. it's crazy. maybe i Am Crazy. i wonder if i come across his mind too, i hope so? if not then it's still okay. i understand. he probably moved on and has someone by his side now. i just wish for his happiness tbh. although there's pain in knowing that his happiness isn't me.

idk i'm such a simp wtf. hello this has been your aunt shimmy, coming back after n number of day, still simping about her greatest love yet. pls someone make a fic about this it's so sad LMFAOOOOOO. it gets sadder the more i think about it.