Instructions: Give helpful advice/suggestions on how to improve this passage (title included). Emphasize on how to improve originality and creativity. In addition, try to be helpful and point out what you can do to make the reader more attracted to the story. 

*note this is entirely fictional, and badly written. 

The Cheese

               I liked cheese, so I went to the store to buy some blue cheese. For some reason, my stomach was very, very hungry  today. I walked to the grocery store, admiring the birds and the trees and the sun. On my walk there, I found a puddle of spilt yogurt on the floor. Shrugging, I skipped over the puddle and ran all the way to the grocery store. But then, I realized that I forgot my wallet. I started to cry, my tears spilling out like a waterfall. A group of little children started to taunt me, calling me a "cry baby". I got angry, but suddenly a hand was in front of my face. I looked up to see a handsome guy.

"Hello, my name is Lee Jinki," He smiled. Wow, he was like my Prince Charming! I spotted four other guys behind him. One had mushroom hair and was drinking banana milk. Another was busy gossiping with a group of teenage girls. Hm, who could they be?

He helped me up, and suddenly proposed to me.

"Will you marry me? I've loved you since the first time I laid my eyes on you!" He brought out a bouquet of flowers.

"Yes, I love you so much!" I screamed and jumped into his arms. We drove off in his red ferrari, and went on a honeymoon to Italy. 

A/N: Oh god... that was the worst thing I've ever written....

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