Well, before I threw away several years of my life, I enjoyed wrtiting, talking to people to lift their spirits up, supporting people and helping them feel better about themselves. I enjoyed writing stories for myself, and for my readers, I enjoyed interacting with my readers, and meeting new people. I also held stable jobs too. I was - ultimately - happy, even though i struggled with manic depression. I also know I struggle with Borderline and I'm on my way to getting diagnosed and hopefully get medication to silence my emotional mind. I can't silence my emotional mind and sometimes I do stupid things, impulses, like trying to talk to people I know don't want to talk to me, trying to reach out to people who hate me. I try to fix bridges but only end up breaking them more. I feel like people think I'm selfish and only care about myself, but I am inside my own mind, I see my own feelings and emotions and that isn't how I am at all. When someone is hurting, I hurt too, when someone is upset, I get upset for them. So that doesn't sound like someone who is selfish. When people need something I'm always the first person to stand up and help them. But I have an issue that makes it hard to turn off my emotional side. 

I know I have to get some help with some of the ways I am, and I am because I want to fix them for myself. 

I've lost who I used to be. I don't know why, I can't blame it on anyone - because ultimately we have control over ourselves and only ourselves, but I lost who I used to be and I'm trying to get that back.