I've been wandering these days. Why I lost major interest in something I used to like a lot? I even spend hours, days, weeks, just to do those kinds of things. Something like watching dramas, fangirling, and also writing. It's been almost one year since all of this happens. I've been browsing everywhere on the internet about this. And every answer I got was leading to depression. I actually can't believe it. I'm just scared. Because it's one of the major symptoms. I was wanting to try to talk with a doctor online, but I'm afraid of his judgment. So, I'm just wandering on the internet doing almost nothing. Every day, I told myself that I shouldn't die. I need to be positive. But it's not helping me at all. Even if I wrote my story online, I know people won't care about it. I ever do it once in Quora. There's no reply. I do have one friend who I always talk with. But, she's almost the same as me, having a problem for herself. If I talk to my mom, I know it just makes her sadder. And it's hurting me a lot to know that she's sad. I love you, mom. But, being alive is more tiring for me. How happy it can be if I just end all of this. I don't know why I'm alive anymore.