BASICS

BIRTHNAME na hyunhee
NICKNAMES
 「DRUID, DRYAD」 and other variations on plant whisperer. "the secret," hyunhee says intently, "would be sunlight, dirt, and water."
 「NAHYUN-IE, NAYEON-IE」 is the price she pays for the sound of her name. it's jarring to hear an executive saying full name, full name, "nahyun-ie"—like she's their niece or their favorite. people have gotten uncomfortable on her behalf at "overly familiar" authorities or upset at the seeming favoritism. ever since one incident with someone else's boyfriend, she has replied "i am hyunhee" to calls for her attention.
 「THE NICKNAMER」 she once read in a leadership book that endearments can help people feel valued, recognized for their qualities, and part of the group. now the nickname thing has come full circle.
 「REMINDER APP」 great at remembering details... enough to plan around your allergies without being told, to casually bring up your parents' anniversary, etc.
 「MISS LAST PLACE」 by the finale of produce 101 season 1, she'd gained a reputation for rising just above cut-off. many hoped that she might do it one last time, but the name took on different meaning when the finale put her at rank 22. out of 22.
 「TWO-FACED SON OF A SNAKE」 she can explain actually, yes. that's her. hi.
BIRTHDATE january 7, 1997
BIRTHPLACE busan, south korea
HOMETOWN seoul, south korea
ETHNICITY korean
LANGUAGES
 「KOREAN」 organic, locally grown seoul accent. bits of dialect slip in thanks to her father's coastal childhood, but she otherwise sounds like every city-born seoulite.
 「ENGLISH」 hyunhee knows what she's saying. an actual english speaker might not. her pronunciation is decent, but her sentences get convoluted, almost like...
 「LATIN」 better than her english. it started with looking up binomial nomenclature to make sure she's getting the right info for plant care, but then it blossomed (no pun intended) into a self-taught dictionary. mother tracked down a private tutor, and hyunhee later got certified to teach latin herself. yeah, she's legit.
 「OTHER EAST ASIAN LANGUAGES」 hahaha cognates and lyrics/movie lines are nice.
 「OTHER ROMANCE LANGUAGES」 truly, viva la cognates.
FACE CLAIM kim sohee of produce 101 (not 48), gallery under construction
BACKUP FACE CLAIM chaewon of iz*one
HEIGHT 162cm
WEIGHT 41kg
APPEARANCE
na hyunhee's main defining feature is a lifeless stare, maybe a contemplative look. stick-thin-with-brown-hair isn't exactly unique, even if her sticks are thinner than most. hyunhee's "blessed" with volcanic metabolism aka. an inability to gain weight. eating as much as some girls off their diets still leaves her wrists dangerously bony. it lends credence to the theory that she's really two goblins in a trench coat. as for hair, her scalp can't handle anything bright, but her natural black is apparently ill-advised for tanned skin. okay, brown it is. there are other ways to stand out.

to upgrade hyunhee's brand, the upper goblin sought the help of a plastic surgeon. she went in expecting unmatchable grace and emerged somehow better at lifeless stares. oops. she tried clothes and make-up next, but hyunhee has the combined fashion sense of two, maybe three goblins in a trench coat. for most of this girl's life, getting dressed was a trust fall. she did as she was told by friends and family. the consensus was that soft aesthetics and neutral, earthy tones brought out a home gardening sort of charm. for some reason, they didn't think her actual sun hat and crocs would help the effect.

only recently did she hit the "wear what i want" phase, though what hyunhee wants is unclear even to hyunhee. she sort of likes her recommended minimalism, sort of likes what happens when idol stylists snort glitter and test a casserole recipe on someone's head.

in the end, her closet is utter patchwork. her body ends up in t-shirts that she finds pleasing in some roundabout way; like that bright pink shirt(?) with GREY on it in blue letters, or those gradient pants that let her attempt countershading). sadly, fun individual pieces don't always work in combination. on the whole, hyunhee is a better example of disruptive coloration.

PERSONALITY

TRAITS 
opaque, impressionable  ‹「LAISSEZ FAIRE (KINDA)」›  flexible, fair-minded

oblivious, materialistic  ‹「EMPATHY-IMPAIRED」›  methodically caring

conformist at heart  ‹「MANUFACTURED」›  eccentric in practice

leashed dragon  ‹「FUNDAMENTALLY KIND」›  the atoner

ELABORATION
 「WHAT IS LOVE? – impressionable, flexible, methodically caring」 
look, it's a serious question. 22 years old, and she's still wholly baffled by the rituals and codes of love. in fact, forget romance; even platonic love becomes a minefield of rules and boundaries. hyunhee has come to understand that she is 'caring in her own way,' but that's a nice way to say she's emotionally blind. 

by now, she has learned to fake it and sort of make it. no more asking (out loud) how that fictional couple goes from fighting to kissing so "randomly," no more questioning why the more troublesome male lead deserves the girl. when in doubt, defer—this model is what got her to today. better to be cut off than to commit her own faux pas; better to assume someone else knows better. though her tectonic plates shift against that model now, it drives so many of her core instincts that it's hard to tell when she is "being herself" or just "being who she has trained herself to be."

from treating fans right to maintaining acquaintances, hyunhee has aggregated years of self-help books, advice columns, and memorized fiction dialogue into vast mental scripts. these scripts form a mad-libs template that she populates with personalized intel. it's never "how are you," it's "how did the [thing we last discussed] end up?" or "hey, what's the latest on [thing you're working on]?" sure, hyunhee's a bit too blank under her performative expressions, her words stilted and scripted, and she adapts a bit too quickly when someone higher-status enters the room—but at least on paper, this person is more thoughtful than most. this isn't superhuman memory; at work. this is pure hyunhee putting effort into every little relationship.

yet, if life had subtitles, hers would replace everything she says with: "wait, what?"

 「DO I KNOW YOU? – oblivious, materialistic, conformist eccentric」 
"i've been deeply impressed with your leadership skills, hyunhee." "thank you, [mr. kim]. i have [the others] to thank for their [fellowship skills]." (wait, what did we do?)

"oh god, why are you like this!" "i don't know, you should ask [god]." (wait, what's this about?) "ohhh god, sorry, you meant 'you' as in me."

when the only objective is a good time, this girl flourishes. she is always listening for a chance to elevate this joke or validate that effort. endless offbeat comments have earned her a rep, a boy-who-cried-wolf immunity for (accidental) non-sequiturs. she didn't mean to be witty, but she won't complain if chronically missing the point can pass for a sense of humor, if delayed realization can pass for comedic pause.

long ago, hyunhee would have kept quiet until the flow became clear enough to follow, but more and more, she's letting her marbles run free and watching in cool amusement as they bounce. left to herself, she merrily focuses on "projects" ranging from helpful to pointless mischief: inching your bobble-head toy a bit closer to your bed each day, abusing the insomniac's polite streak to force lights-out at ten, etc.

the "good friend" checklist goes swimmingly—gifts, favors, anecdotal evidence—until we hit "emotional connection."

 「WHERE ARE YOU GOING? – impressionable (in an idiot kind of way)」 
see, first impressions are great. upkeeping the network are great. she can maintain the raw discipline of replying to texts and taking care of physical needs. the problem she faces is the same as any absentee dad realizing they don't know their kids. what does it mean to connect? she knows their list of favorites, but does that translate into meaningful support? her solution to bad feels is just "turn off the feeling," but that doesn't tend to work for non-hyunhees. in fact, it tends to come off cold at best, hypocritical at worst.

"what you mean, 'turn off the feeling?' like it's that easy?! how about you try doing what you say?" it's a rhetorical command, as hyunhee has discovered, because when hyunhee actually does, everything gets worse. is it just her, or does that make no sense? just her...? okay?

she really can turn off the feelings though, even though hyunhee hardly recognizes her own feelings. she gets signals, of course, like realizing that her foot's tapping or her hair is extra annoying, but she might be impatient or nervous or just over-caffeined, who knows? not her. it's like having a billion tabs open and trying to which one's playing that mysterious ticking noise. doesn't matter in the end if she just turns down the volume. in the end, she can empathize on a physical level—yes, her calves ache too—but she can't say much to your bone-deep exhaustion or chilling fear of the future. the only chill she feels is the air condition.

so, given the same (if not more) observations as anyone else, the natural conclusions don't come naturally at all. what looks clearly to be a one-time incident for anyone else may look to her like a character-defining moment, and she goes on convinced that so-and-so has a trait that they just... don't. forget personality; it's like she only takes impressions of people's trivia. hyunhee herself is low maintenance to a fault, unbothered by insult, neglect, whatever. welcome to hyunhee's daily minefield, where everyone can get hurt except probably her.

 「WHERE ARE YOU GOING? – methodically caring, as oblivious as she is opaque」 
lucky for her, she was born with instincts for self-preservation and the heartlessness to still sleep at night. guilt doesn't come easily, not when the folks falling around her tend to have a hand in their own undoing. hyunhee likes to think she does her part to the best of her ability and leaves the big pictures to those better equipped to handle it; as seen with her "projects," this lady's priorities center on the tangible, the micro, the measurable difference that she can make in a life. "someone else knows better [about things with serious scale]."

maybe she internalized something disempowering, or maybe she's saving the world from herself. regardless, when things get "deep," she has 25 ready exit strategies... and those only come into play if someone else doesn't push her away first. that's not terribly rare; sometimes her missing the point is read in a tastless joke at the wrong time, and her pause in reaction translates to not caring (enough). hyunhee's daily efforts just to achieve normal socialization go largely invisible—and that's how she likes it, but it sure is inconvenient when people expect more.

really, what do you want? she thinks, at you and you and especially you. odds are, they're thinking the same thing at her.

 「WHERE DID YOU GO? – leashed dragon, the atoner」 
sometimes she imagines how much easier it'd be if she let herself not-care. combine her memory and initial charm with stone cold apathy, and that's a winning formula for ceos and inmates alike. all that knowledge gathered in the name of friendship? that can be weaponized if you want! got a problem with her now? we'll see how you like her if she lets the lack of empathy win—

no. no. all she ever ing wanted was to be a decent person. if she had the social graves that so many take for granted, she might not have to bend over backwards just to get through the day. you want your family's approval even though they haven't done anything to deserve your efforts? you justify crappy behavior with the claim that it's "how things are" despite tons of counter-evidence? na hyunhee's thoughts are plenty merciless, to the point that her mechanical face may be a blessing in disguise; her true inner workings never show, for better or for worse.

(she doesn't take pride in that.)

(she doesn't take pride in her exit strategies either, and for now, she's in another one of her phases—in which she tries to brave the messy territory of hearts—but if that's hard with one person, it's impossible in groups. hyunhee, in her own way, still tries to do right by everyone, and does better at leaving everyone unsatisfied. that's what she gets for putting "nothing genuine" on the table and never "opening up"... also contradicting herself... also trading allegiances like a snake sheds skins. depending on who you ask, she comes across as anything from mindless groupie to complete wild card—or, you know, a snake.)

  「WHY ARE YOU BACK? – fair-minded, flexible, FUNDAMENTALLY KIND」 
she keeps trying; bless her stupid soul.

she still reads self-help books and so on about conflict management and brings those good-on-paper strategies to the "who shall be center" discussion. today, she might suggest sub-dividing the group to let people cool down. tomorrow, she might request a play-by-play dissection of the performance to guess camerawork, estimate each position's screetime (controlling for probable replays), and make changes based on data. the day after, she'll nurse her wounds if the problem-solving gimmick falls flat or celebrate with more self-help books if it strikes gold.

when in doubt, adjust—this is hyunhee making peace with flaws she can't change but also being sick of all her failings. okay, so her reputation . she'll use it as bait to reel in lower expectations and raise her odds of success. every time she lands face-first, she enough confidence off the ground to get back up. cacti, weeds, and hyunhee are resilient like that, and they won't disciminate among challenges to tackle next. for hyunhee, her challenges are people, and no gender, uality, or skin color will keep her from trying her darnedest. she never understood what was the issue with those tags anyways.

more and more, her newfound confidence stacks. her not-out-loud questions trickle into conversations, at least as "jokes." her incredulity at others' self-sabotage escapes the realm of merciless thinking. once, she'd have tossed whole ideas aside if there was no one to express them first, but there is refuge in audacity. hyunhee actively cultivates her image these days, to fortify her chances of "getting away with ."

surely there's something for someone like her; some job that eats up "i love you" like a trick or a treat and doesn't expect real feelings out of it; some kind of industry run by scripts and farces like she already is.

something like an idol.

BAckground

mother ran a chunk of the air force. father ran a marine life conservatory. her older sister has been into pyrotechnics since before hyunhee was born. at some point, she got the idea that the household wielded every element (air, water, fire) except earth. so little hyunhee decided to be a landscaper.

then she realized aesthetics were hard, and seoul balconies were small. she settled for studying plants. at school, she wore her garden committee badge with pride and milked her parents' considerable connections (they were "wealthy" in that sense, at least with government and academia) to join environmental initiatives with seoul's government and even international youth initiatives. she was convinced that this was it, that she'd never have to question her place now that she's found her something.

... but was it ever really about the elements? father lost a pearl diving parent to the ocean and took years to find peace and purpose in protecting ocean life—including coastal peoples. mother's life was saved by a united nations airlift, and she wanted to uphold the mission. hyunhee's sister had a less traumatic childhood, but what she lacked in suffering she had in explosive passion. by all comparisons, hyunhee's own motivations felt shallow.

in fact, everything about her was starting to feel shallow. friendships around her take root and become more than just "we see each other everyday and have no one else to play with." some go even deeper, and jokes start flying about the wedding plans. people stop saying whatever comes to mind, and even the loudmouths have layers to their quiet. it's not seamless, but she learns these new tricks like a good dog, who knows to lift her paw for a "shake" but can only guess at its real significance; unlike any dog, who isn't really expected to know.

asking why this, how come that just makes everyone confused and concerned, so she turned to the tv. dramas, movies, variety shows, even song lyrics; she took notes on what folks value in each others (or, at least, what the camera lingered on. snsd's legs are very important, apparently). beside hyunhee, her sister supplied commentary and their parents corrected them both.

she always thought herself lucky to have her family. they tolerated her slowness and adored her almost blindly, never bedgrudging her lack of expression... but still, she saw those unfeeling villains on the screen who are as blind to right and wrong as she was to feelings. she saw the "ah, of course" when violent criminals were revealed to have mental disabilities. she got that pleading insanity was either for the liars or for the miswired like her, a buried mine doomed to hurt someone eventually.

unless, of course, it's buried deep enough.

▪  –––––––––  ▪

she knew, empirically, that her family loved her. so did her grandparents in busan and her friends at school. the question was whether she loved them back.

when she tried writing down the stuff they meant to her, what came out was exactly that: stuff. material things. measurable things. she tested herself with questions like whether she'd die for her grandparents, as they probably would for her (and as the movies call heroic). her answer was no. why would she? she was the future of this family, according to them. it'd be a waste of their efforts to leave the world before them, and they'd all blame themselves afterwards. the only things she got "right" about love were knowing lots about others and feeling happy to make them happy.

so, she focused on those. she took tons of notes on her friends and didn't question (out loud) what they saw in her. she found ways to translate knowledge into perfect gifts, perfect surprises, perfectly-timed reminders. combined with decent looks and the fact they all grew up together, hyunhee inched towards popularity. she was even the first of her friends to earn a confession, wonder if she heard correctly, and end up with a boyfriend—because 네 (what?) and 네 (yes) sound the same.

"oh wow that..." he looked for the words. "you responded quickly."

"i have mad reflexes." (wait, what just happened?)

han jinkyu was a nice boy though; still is. they managed to stumble hand-in-hand through four years, staying a couple even when jinkyu became a trainee at some entertainment company-that-wasn't-big-three-so-she-never-heard-of-it. it lasted all the way to the month before his debut. with blue hair, a stage name, and a contract that demanded he be single, he tried to convince her that they could get away with the secret, but who were they kidding? he'll get roasted alive, and she'll the kindling used for the fire.

"you might be better at this idol thing than i am," jinkyu told her.

she didn't have a response for that. then she thought: maybe he was right. and her checklists seemed to agree.

stick thin? check.

thick skin? check.

singing/rapping/dancing? jinkyu seemed to think so.

lack of human connection? didn't hurt her the way it hurt others. remembering fans' names and faces? no harder than memorizing every schoolmate's birthday. following a script and image? learning songs like a spy getting briefed on korean culture? she already does that. stalkers were a challenge, but what job didn't have challenges? in the vacuum of a "real," well-motivated dream, maybe hyunhee's best path is one that simply fits—that lets her turn her flaws into advantages—that hurts her less than it does jinkyu or anyone else.

▪  –––––––––  ▪

mother took the idol thing well; she met plenty of resistance to her military dream and would not deprive hyunhee of anything she felt committed towards. father loved the platform for promoting the aquarium and its wildlife rescue initiatives. her sister, the dummy, immediately started bragging when she got accepted by blessing ent. none of them had heard of that company, but it was the nearest search result, close enough to home that she could simply commute.

living outside the dorm created some distance with the other girls, but it actually seemed to help. hyunhee was good at the acquaintance thing and always got to show her best self; any odd moments quickly melted back into practicing. they had even less time to complain when produce 101 entered the picture.

she did really well, somehow. her hidden box went semi-viral. (petting a cabbage like a cat and lamenting that cabbage won't grow on her balcony was pretty memorable.) mnet already tossed her group's audition, but when hyunhee alone survived with the lowest possible seat (61), they allowed her one generous edit: her response to seeing all five labelmates go down. "i think there are many different kinds of avengers on this show. i want to be the kind that remembers her allies and keeps fighting for them." sad music played for their last group cheer, and mnet cut to a few awed comments on how she managed not to cry.

a town away, jinkyu watches the tv fondly and lets slip to a bandmate that hyunhee was (is?) his girlfriend. said bandmate teases him within earshot of their manager, who chuckles about it over drinks with the company's ceo. hoping to capitalize off of hyunhee's hype, the ceo an anonymous source provides pictures lifted from jinkyu's phone, confiscated ages ago.

it blows up a bit, and hyunhee at one point texts ho: "congratulations! you're popular enough that i get blasted for being your ex. :D" she meant it as a compliment and was pleased with her attempt at wry humor, even adding a smiley to make sure it came across as a joke. then she saw a screencap of a screencap on a jinkyu's brother's instagram, captioned with a different, less flattering emoji.

jinkyu's (few) fans gained a level in salt, and the remaining internet seemed to gain a level in schadenfreude. to fans of other contestants, it was the perfect chance to take down competition. jinkyu swiftly apologized, just as surprised as she was at his brother's post, which cropped out the part with him telling his hyung to appreciate this bit of comedy gold. though his hands were tied in terms of publicly defending her, he rallied mutual friends to testify on her behalf and clarify that it was a joke, but the view counts heavily favored the pann posts reviewing all hyunhee's footage and pointing out her lack of tears in elimination episodes, her fluctuating allegiance. mnet bailed, and miss last place lived up to her name. (some suspected her survival until now had been too convenient anyways.)

it didn't hurt as much as it left her cold and little hungrier than usual.

▪  –––––––––  ▪

for a while, she disappeared, quietly getting into university and becoming a proper botanist, even traveling to deforested areas to study conditions for regrowth there. jinkyu wrenched himself out of the idol world and refuses her help in paying off his trainee debt, contract-breaking fees, etc. technically, they aren't dating anymore. even if they talk more than some married couples do.

hyunhee never blamed jinkyu for the collapse of her fledgeling idol career, but he did. it drove a wedge between him and his brother, as well as him and her. it led to one of the rare occasions that hyunhee felt something clear enough to name it: rage. not at jinkyu, for feeling guilt (though she'd love it if he could turn that off), but at the industry. they can take her career, whatever, she has back-ups. but she doesn't have a back-up jinkyu. she doesn't have a back-up family. (yes, she sees those hate messages still popping up at her father's aquarium.) her friends aren't disposable either. (oh how she seethes to see their shared pictures getting dislikes, to see her friends cry over the futility of defending hyunhee.)

so, she gets back into it. partly inspired by the likes of hyuna, gain, and so many others who eat scandal for breakfast, but she isn't doing this just for them. this is her own fight, and as a perfectly employable research assistant/latin instructor, she isn't afraid of the industry anymore. all her years of analyzing people now help her sneak back into social media land, posting this and that about environmental initiatives. she reconnects with her old fanbase and rewards their loyalty with covers of songs they request. someone messages her about how happy they are to see that being rejected by the nation didn't break her, and someone else says that she inspired them to help their aging father with gardening. these little things give her... something. she isn't sure what to call it yet, but it burns like determination.

that wasn't why she wanted to be an idol, but now that she thought about it, it should be. it's not just about an occupation that fits her, but one that lets her do something, anything good in the world. even if direct action for the environment does that, it's nothing like moving thousands of fans to do the same. now, she is still a snake by public standards, but what kind of a snake would she be if that bothers her, right?

her regrowing fanbase lauds her "strength" in the face of adversion, and if that gives them strength, then it brings her something like warmth. if she manages to raise her reputation and clean the mess that idolhood left in her daily life, then that's even better. quietly, privately, she's still in love(?) with the idea of a job in which her flaws are assets, in which she might get away with being her offbeat, miswired self. of course it isn't that simple—she learned that the hard way—but every taste of acceptance she gets makes it easier to fall back into idolhood. (acceptance, not approval, mind you. she's happy just to confirm that she isn't one slip-up from being the unfeeling ual criminal she often became in early i.o.i hurt/comfort fanfic.)

she's not so different from the rest after all.

 

trivia

LIKES
▪「FORESTS, GREENHOUSES」 just leave her.
▪「PUNS」 she at coming up with them, but she can't help silently enjoying them when the words align just right. even when the situation isn't good for feeling pleased. oops.
▪「GROOT」 not just because groot is a tree, but also because "i am groot!" "i am hyunhee!" "i am groot!" "i am hyunhee!"
▪「VENUS FLY TRAPS」 they know what they're about and don't bother hiding it, so she will be following their example.
▪「SNAKE ANTHEMS」 speaking of examples, she has put gain's "truth or dare" and iu's "23" on her brand new embrace-the-snake playlist.
▪「STORYTELLING」 every darned medium of story-telling. streetside ballad? her is there. music videos? claymation? she can throw herself into any world, of any shape, and still find content worth dissecting. lately, she particularly loves stuff like violet evergarden or frozen, which make her less alone in her troubles with feeling.
▪「JUNK FOOD」 *deep breath* potato.
▪「MEMES」 are excellent "stock" jokes and references for feigning coolness.

DISLIKES
▪「PICKING/CUTTING FLOWERS」 is weirdly normalized as far as dismemberment goes.
▪「FAKE PLANTS」 unless they are standing in for abuses no live plant should endure.
▪「VEGETABLES」 even though she's vegetarian. they taste fine, and she's not morally troubled. it's just sad to see them all limp.
▪「BEING ACCUSED OF FOCUSING TOO MUCH ON PLANTS」 she takes pride in it.
▪「STRAWS」 are tolerable, but she gets a little paranoid. one time, her sister put a ladybug in her juice, and hyunhee finished the whole glass without realizing. both were upset for different reasons.
▪「PROTECTIVENESS」 drives her insane. you might see her blandly absorbing hate comments and think she's repressing her pain, but... no? she'd prefer that you not waste your concern on her and, most importantly, stop interrogating how she feels.
▪「HEART-TO-HEARTS」 are impossible. she listens carefully and doesn't judge, but when it's her turn, nothing she says is deep enough. "it's okay," they say. "you don't have to shut us out." hyunhee looks for something appropriately vulnerable to say, but all but the most delusional would find things rather one-sided. what the hell do they want from her?!
▪「CRAPPY LATIN」 "for the aesthetic," they say. "fornicate with a cactus," she advises them, in very careful latin. she is joking, probably.
▪「MICROPHONE SCREECHES」 like ing with a cactus using your ear. just no.

HABITS
▪「TROLLING」 is looking bongcha in the eye while eating something forbidden by bongcha's diet. it was accidental the first time, but it's kind of a thing now... maybe? is that a friendly "you're the worst!!!" or a real one?
▪「TROLLING」 is playing video games and choosing only the chaotic dialogue options. (she did it just to analyze all options and their responses, but the real-life reactions next to her are fun too. she's really hoping that's a friendly "you're the worst")
▪「SLEEPS LIKE A LOG」 both literally and metaphorically. her grandmother told her to sleep with toes pointed and arms extended over her head as a trick to grow taller. in retrospect, grandmother was really short, so hyunhee should've been more skeptical. now it's too late. she'll sleep anywhere if she's tired enough, but she subconsciously unfolds into an uncooked noodle.
▪「NEVER SCREAMS」 even if she has reason to; just makes a surprised pikachu face.
▪「UNDERREACTIONS」 in general are her thing these days. she always joined laughs and applauses a beat late anyways. now she simply doesn't hide it.
▪「REAL NAMES MEAN REAL TALK」 you know she's serious if she drops the nicknames.
▪「GREEN LIVING」 recycling, compost, biking, etc. she does whatever she can get away with. trainee life is really not made for this (so much takeout, so much night practice with the poor lights on) but she still tries. including practicing in the dark with a wind-up flashlight. by the way, she has a tiny solar panel for her electronics too. thank her father for that.

HOBBIES
▪「COMPETITIVE GARDENING」 before the dorms, she raced tomatoes with several elderly neighbors. now, only two months in at starship, and she has already declared war on the dorm's elderly neighbors. they just don't know it yet.
▪「JOURNALING」 all her mad-libs need to be formulated somewhere! as a trainee, she also vets the day's events for share-able anecdotes. her journal is one of few places where she can express herself as mechanically and unpersonably as she likes. that did not help her when journal screen shots got aired on produce 101.
▪「TURNING OFF THE LIGHTS」 and putting a bin in the shower floor to flush the toilet manually later. she wants to collect others' shower water for flushing purposes too, but her sister recommended waiting a week. hyunhee's going to ask on day eight.
▪「LATIN JUNKIE」 she still reads the latest articles about how a roman orator's speech throwing shade on a non-latin tongue may reveal new things about how some latin phrase should be emphasized. 

ODDS & ENDS
▪「IDEAL TYPE?」 "toxicodendron radicans. we have a long distance relationship. if you dare touch my boo, i will know." this started as a misheard question, but now she is sticking to it.
▪「STOMACH HAIR??」 one sad day at her former company, a delirious hyunhee ran out of food money and tried eating her own hair. it went down okay, but she later read that it wasn't digestible. if her tummy rumbles, she imagines it's the hair to postpone the hunger. (she tries telling this story sometimes, but responses are mixed.)
▪「VEGETARIAN」 and even then, she prefers her eggs/dairy to be cruelty-free and from sustainable farms. she doesn't actually care much for animals, but commercial farming practices are a larger issue. 
▪「LIP READING」 and mouthing are both essential skills for communicating with her sister while fireworks are blasting off right next to them. hyunhee is godly at games like the whisper challenge.
▪「WEAKLING」 see, environmental field work sounds like tough labor, but hyunhee always volunteered for the delicate task of carrying samples to escape heavy lifting. the gentlemen in her group were very happy with this arrangement (sure helps to be pretty). she planted just a couple trees with her own person and now has 100000% more respect for farmers and other people who work fields for a living.
▪「A+ PENMANSHIP」 super cutesy handwriting, perfected from years of handwritten cards. jinkyu convinced her to make a font out of it, so she did.

relationships

(note: my discussions with the other authors got pretty extended, so these may be more detailed than necessary. please feel free to adjust!)
 

KIM YOUJU ▪ #confused, meet #same
 「AGE 18 ▪ PLEDIS TRAINEE」 
▪ it's weirdly nice to find someone so openly confused...? hyunhee doesn't really pick favorites, but youju offers a soul-deep kind of comfort in that hyunhee isn't the most "???" person in the room. she may use the girl as a bit of a mask every now and then, implying questions so that youju will ask it.

▪ she thanks youju for the convenience by letting her borrow dresses and other stuff not typically part of youju's wardrobe.

▪ this pledis girl is amazing. hyunhee deadpans that their mutual "???" at make-up must make them soul mates, and youju just bubbles over into this cute, blubbering mess of awkward. hyunhee tries not to tease, but her attempts at subtle compliments are still way too forward.

▪ new project: develop compliments so weird that youju's confusion outweighs her discomfort. hyunhee is reversing the classic yo mama joke model. "well, [lead-in to] that [thing you did] was so [adjective] that [absurd scenario]." if youju's busy trying to figure out whether it's a compliment or not, she can't get busy denying it. as for the core insecurity... eh, one project at a time.

▪ sheltered lifelong trainee, meet botanist and environmental activist who has been to africa and studies freaking latin and sets off fireworks with her sister and has daily access to dolphins and has numbers of engineers without borders and peace corps people. youju's fascination with non-idol life and so many other topics gives hyunhee an opportunity to share her passions too. she respects youju's open mind and familiarity with the idol world, and youju respects... like, dude, latin. cue fangirling.

▪ they can't go anywhere by themselves though. what will they eat? "i don't know!!" "i don't care." too bad youju's underage, or else they could just go i-ju, you-ju, gimme dat, gimme dat so-ju.

▪ even hyunhee can tell that asking directly about the youju-choyeon situation may worsen things, so she resorts to roundabout strategies from gossip mags—i.e. "how to test if one's boyfriend likes one's best friend."

▪ it's so poorly executed that it's almost more obvious... but guess who still gets confused because it's "not quite" asking? poor youju. she'd rather not about this to begin with, but now she's going crazy with a mix of guilt (classic) and "hyunhee must know something why isn't she just asking does she think youju is a horrible person?!"

▪ youju may get the dubious honor of figuring out first, that hyunhee is just as lost under the templates and seeming daring. except youju doubts herself and glorifies hyunhee too much to complete the theory... at least for now.
 

LEE CHOYEON ▪ foil, meet foil
「AGE 19 ▪ PLEDIS TRAINEE」
▪ choyeon obviously recognized rank #22 of produce 101, maybe felt some solidarity as fellow victims of mnet, now striking back with a new image. hyunhee, uh, bides time until she can look up who this girl even is. using ecosia, of course.

▪ too bad choyeon didn't have enough fans to merit a "pd101 - lee choyeon cut" video. hyunhee was reviewing the episodes for all of choyeon's scenes anyways, so she took the time to make a choyeon cut and upload it before planet idol aired. it wasn't any trouble, as hyunhee assures the other girl (though her exact words were "no trouble at all! it wasn't [that many episodes] anyways." that... goes over badly.)

▪ once the superficial connections wears off, their core divides bleed through.

▪ the bright hair and angsty backstory will make me visible, choyeon hopes; hyunhee doesn't point out that lee seokyu had more of both and got nothing for it. also, didn't hyunhee get way further as a total generic?

▪ being cutthroat will help me, choyeon seems to think. hyunhee can't help but find it a waste. all that natural empathy, and you'd give it up just for this idol thing? this thing that has eaten up your identity and self-dignity? you know your life isn't a renewable resource, right?

▪ hyunhee stays quiet for now—she must be missing some difference between sustainability for earth and sustainability for people—but eventually she might have to ask: choyeon, do you really want to be an idol, or have you given up so much that you don't dare to seek a different happiness?

▪ sunk cost fallacy, anyone?
 

DONG BONGCHA ▪ enabler, meet enabled
「AGE 18 ▪ STARSHIP TRAINEE」
▪ it's incredibly convenient to be around dongbong, who never overthinks hyunhee's odd or shady behavior. hyunhee said something weird? must be a joke. hyunhee lied? must be sarcasm. bongcha's faith in humanity (and by extension hyunhee) makes a safety zone in which even hyunhee's doubters second-guess themselves.

▪ speaking of second-guessing: is bongcha self-deprecating because she's confident and untouchable (hyunhee-style) or because she's masochistic or full of internalized doubt? hyunhee has seen enough dramas to suspect the latter, but trying to turn "poor man's kim sohye" around with a "that's because he doesn't need riches with you around" just makes it awkward. so, hyunhee has learned to clap with bongcha's joking(?) insecurity, but something doesn't feel right about it.

▪ for her part, hyunhee feeds the other girl's desire for validation—the cheap, surfacey kind that hyunhee excels at and that grants instant (but brief) gratification for bongcha. but it's not the real nourishment that bongcha needs (in more ways than one), and even if bongcha doesn't recognize, hyunhee does.

▪ ... or she thinks she does. hyunhee's reads on people aren't exactly reliable, and she knows enough to know that discussing this behind bongcha's back won't go well. this would be a great time for a pop-up confessional, but mnet's confessionals tend to go on air and end in jump scares.

▪ hyunhee tries to say supportive stuff anyways, but if it comes off scripted, that's because it is. by herself, not mnet. but the netizens don't know that.

▪ will fight for dongbongie but is that really what her new friend needs???
 

HAN EUNKYUNG ▪ oil, meet water, meet fire
「AGE 25 ▪ PLEDIS TRAINEE」
▪ on their own, each of these ladies are already enough to ignite a full menu of wrath. put together, well... they got along at first, sharing international experiences and qualifications.

▪ they read many of the same leadership and management books, bonus points to hyunhee for seeking out those books free of parental steering. it was refreshing to meet someone just as no nonsense and academic, though eunkyung maintains clear advantage in age. hyunhee didn't even realize how much intellect she was hiding away until she actually got the chance to discuss, say, the role of agrarian ideals in several genocidal regimes.

▪ alas, once again, first impressions evaporate and the clash begins.

▪ call hyunhee sensitive, but she knows the taste of judgment like her own bile. one wrong move, and this eunkyung would flip like a switch. once, hyunhee would've gravitated to that decisive power ("when in doubt, defer") and avoided testy topics at all costs. now, hyunhee braces herself for the inevitable.

▪ their fundamental image of idolhood can't be more different. eunkyung's "dirty ion" is hyunhee's best chance at being a functional role model. eunkyung's "thirsty masses" are hyunhee's best (easiest) friends to support and raise up. 

▪ oh, but that's anecdotal evidence. how ridiculous of hyunhee to purport that these isolated incidents could be representative of the industry. like, are you so innertly dumb that you'd throw away all that potential to sell your body on stage? do you need that much attention and superficial love to be happy?

▪ oh, but non-census samples exists for a reason. how ridiculous of eunkyung to discount the very concept of case study. industry-wide or not, there is factual evidence that idols raise more than s. say, funds for cancer research? the spirits of the depressed? the standards for idolhood itself?

▪ samsung has its claws everywhere, but that works to hyunhee's favor. even mnet is likely not to air hyunhee finally snapping at this lady, with terms like "silver spoon" and "golden mic" (yes, she saw that intro video) mired in icily polite language. han eunkyung has such an amazing position and platform. how dare she stoop as low as her father seemingly does, in matters of stubborn self-superiority? sure, let's say that out loud. hyunhee's "snake badge" gives her a position and platform too. at least, that's what hyunhee thinks is driving her uncharacteristic sharpness. there's a sting to her eyes and a heat between the ribs that she sets aside to focus on her words, but they've associated themselves with sight of eunkyung's back across the room.

▪ ultimately, both women are onto something too critical to be ignored. between their brains and tenacity, they might just make a difference in how this beloved industry operates, but they'll need to let each other in first.

HAN JINKYU ▪ ex(?) boyfriend [FC: kim shihyun]
「AGE 21 ▪ HANDSOME FOOD TRUCKER」
▪ kid's had it rough. he broke out from under unsupportive parents and a possessive brother, but idolhood was just another cage. he starved for the light as moths do and had his life completely violated by his company. his one consolation is having the guts to break out once again.

▪ he learned to cook just to support hyunhee's appetite, and now he's working a food truck with those skills. just one more thing that makes him feel like he owes her. (it doesn't help that his brother is still right there, openly theorizing that hyunhee was hiding her true colors and refusing to apologize for "exposing the fox" online.)

▪ this may not be reparable, but hyunhee at least doesn't want him blaming himself over the idol stuff forever. as long as they can both be free of that, she's not too fixated on getting back together, though she isn't really looking for anyone else.

▪ (i dunno if you need images of side characters, but this video offers plenty for sohee and shihyun, with a side of diabetes.)

SQUAD ▪ parents, sister [FC: lee suhyun], friends [FC: song yuvin, rest of i.b.i]
▪ a+ support system, basically. hyunhee is so, so lucky.

▪ feel free to skip the rest! it's there only it helps to have info for name drops:

  「MOTHER」 kim hyemin, age 56 – south korean air force junjang (aka. major general aka. three-star rank aka. basically an air marshal aka. big freaking deal for a lady).
    as mentioned, she keeps many close relations within the united nations, peace corps, etc. in part due to rank and in part due to personal love for their efforts in the name of global citizenry; still talks smack when they do something she doesn't like, though. she's clear and honest like that, which makes hyunhee's life much easier.

  「FATHER」 na byungjoon, age 50 – owner of marine life conservatory with a public aquarium component; also heads several rescue or development funds, especially for things that benefit coastal workers.
    quiet and nurturing and impossibly patient; all helpful traits in handling wackjob dolphins, kleptomanic octopuses, and na hyunhee. out of all earthlings, this man knows hyunhee and her struggles the best, even though his daughter doesn't articulate said struggles exactly. it's not like clams are that communicable either.

  「SISTER」 na jiae, age 24 – "i do fireworks and stage kabooms! wanna see? oh, and i guess i sell party equipment on the side. no weed, though, sorry!"
    there was a time when jiae took advantage of hyunhee's confusion and did some " sister stuff," as jiae herself puts it, but those days have been replaced with jiae dragging hyunhee everywhere to show off her smart, pretty, unique sister. she has learned to recognize her little sister's affection and, knowing her own influence over hyunhee's views, to boost the younger girl's confidence. whenever hyunhee thanks her, jiae shrugs it off with a "hey, you let me get away with all kinds of crap."

  「LOS AMIGOS」 roh yongnam and roh yookyung are the journalist siblings, though they mysteriously find time to scout locations and provide live instrumental for hyunhee's covers. meanwhile, min sooah and kang yejin used to forcibly "rescue" hyunhee from her own fashion sense, but since they left to study design (sooah) and art history (yejin), they've been oddly encouraging of hyunhee's strange ventures. lee chaejung is the one who has drifted further and is slowest to respond to their group chat, but hyunhee prides herself on checking in no matter how tired dance practice makes her.

 

trainee info

COMPANY starship (formerly star empire)
TRAINING PERIOD two months at starship (four years at starship)
TRAINEE LIFE
starship, being sane, would rather have nothing to do with a girl of her reputation... except planet idol was in the works, and it could use some marketing in the form of a controversial trainee. two months of training was a small price to pay for miss decoy to make their real trainees look good, and if she reneged on the trainee contract after getting eliminated, that's some cold hard cash for them. hyunhee would've fallen for it if it weren't for two starship employees gossiping just within earshot of the women's bathroom. two months, starship, take the free marketing or leave it. they took it.

as for the other trainees, well, before anyone could even spin an invader/usurper theory, hyunhee parroted exactly what she'd said to get her contract. free marketing. she doesn't plan to drag them down, and if she does, it'll make them look good. (how is that for being herself?)

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE
 「PRODUCE 101」 eliminated episode 11, rank 22
▪ episode 4, battle eval – push ("hm, that foundation really wasn't my color.")
▪ episode 6, vocal eval – call me baby ("that was a riot, [the pristin girl] was great.")
▪ episode 8, concept eval – in the same place ("yep, yeonjung-sunbae's got pipes.")

 「ONLINE PRESENCE」 her instagram and twitter were mostly non-idol stuff for years, mostly botany or environment-related. her friends despaired at the crappy aesthetics and gave it all a makeover before she started posting covers again. one class mate forcibly dragged her to rent university film equipment to record decent videos. (feel free to repurpose these videos and captions if you'd prefer.)
▪ downpour ("today's weather report for my face!" note: she didn't actually cry over i.o.i's disbandment, but hey, since when were weather reports accurate?)
▪ don't be shy ("hey girl, nice sass.")
▪ 끝까지  ("whoever identifies the plant behind me gets to choose the next cover.")
▪ on (dirty) ("you chose this...")
▪ roller coaster ("i have 99 [flaws], but [disliking chungha-sunbae] ain't one. ft. [classmate's name]")

TALENT TWIN kim sohee of faceclaim fame
BACKUP TALENT TWIN ha:tfelt (formerly yeeun of wonder girls)

SKILLS
 「VOCAL ▪ 6」 natural talent gives her a good projection and greater resonance with an instinct for embellishments, but her technique won't hold up to close inspection.
luckily, fame doesn't insist on healthy sounds; her back-of-the-nose tone makes her easy to pick out, even in the tightest chord. unless, of course, she tries teetering above her range; then the rich flavor winks right out.

 「RAP ▪ 3」 words? check. rhythm? check. swag? depends if you liked her before.

 「DANCE ▪ 3」 she got moves but she don't got moves. what are dance styles?

 「PERFORMANCE ▪ 7」 her expressions aren't anything special, but it's a matter of timing. she rehearses precisely where to raise her eyebrows and to twiddle her fingers, making sure to fill up any negative space in the choreography. she mouths along to others' lines mostly to keep her place, but if it comes off attentive and engaged with the other performers, that's great. because she isn't.
   the audience is always the priority. she'd rather bump into someone than to check
the formation when the focus is on her. minha knows better than to risk crowded transitions with hyunhee, and many feet remember her weight. "just carry on," she says to any complaints. "i'll work on fixing this, but either way, folks will praise you for professionalism. actually, if you like that, we can practice the angle of impact."

 「VARIETY ▪ 5」 that 5 is not a 5, it's an average between 10 and 0, because those are apparently her only states. either she is 

OTHER TALENTS  plants? latin? predicting camera work? reciting every contestant's birthday and trivia from memory? uncannily relating everything back to plants?

CONCEPTS 
 「CUTE」 so maybe her big-eyes-big-smile face is a little uncomfortable-looking, but what's a cute concept without some dead doll staring and a winky spastic right eye? she's honestly okay—not the most worrisome member, and the viewers seem to eat it up—but let's just say her solo cams feel a bit long.

 「Y」 vengeful doll staring into your soul; the eyeliner version. she's not your girl for the " appeal of a potato" narrative, but unless the specific concept is brainwashed assassin or coffin bait, she's probably too intense.

 「GIRL CRUSH」 oddly a more natural habitat for her. she's so busy trying to pull off attitude in her voice/dance that her expressions are less manufactured. when shots of her are sandwiched by those of other performers, a mild kuleshov effect makes her blink-and-you'll-miss-it smirks look pointed and smug.

 「OTHER」 with all of the above, she's passable but never the best. instead, a concept that limits expressions would save her from overcompensating—and handicap others enough to let her shine. take nostalgic/melancholic pieces like "in the same place" as an example of success; something that allows her to be understated and restrained. (it helps that she can relate to sentimentality; how do you experience a "feeling" like cute, y, or girl crushy? must be nice.)
   on the far side of things, an avant-garde or deliberately soulless concept would let hyunhee's blank face show its true intensity. let her be fake, let her face whiplash between expressions like the darned masks they are. see: red velvet's peek-a-boo, f(x)'s red light, or dia's mannequin. if she had to perform alone, she'd favor something like sunmi's noir, sulli's goblin, or dal subin's katchup. 

last words

COMMENTS
▪ so this girl started out as just an answer to "what kind of personality would be most efficient for an idol?" but things snowballed from there into a full-on alexithymic. i did not recognize it initially, and once i did, i had to stop and do some research to make sure this does not horribly misrepresent the condition and those affected by it. sorry for all the resulting delays, and thanks a million for your patience!!

▪ some aspects of real-world alexithymia are implied but deserve special mention: 

  「1」 the precise definition of alexithymia involves (a) difficulty identifying and describing emotions, especially beyond physical sensations; (b) limited imagination and fantasies, and (c) a "stimulus-bound, externally oriented cognitive style"

  「2」 alexithymia is not a formal diagnosis but rather a "subclinical" condition with a range of potential effects. the term is often associated with cases of lacking emotions entirely, but the condition itself is defined by emotional awareness moreso than the extent of feeling.

  「3」 for those with little background for understanding mental illness and disability, it can be easy to mistake alexithymic behavior for sociopathy or deliberate ry.

  「4」 gendered expectations surrounding emotional expression can also influence the types of social consequences that people with alexithymia face.

  「5」 "fun" fact: it's not unusual for people to develop aspects of alexithymia from traumatic life experiences (see: correlations with ptsd) or internalized expectations (see: norms for masculinity). who knows, hyunhee may not be the only one on planet idol who is affected by this condition...

  「6」 no one person's experience can speak for everyone, so it's okay if hyunhee isn't written to precision on every known manifestation of alexithymia!

▪ it'd be an honor if you chose to write hyunhee, though i get that a neurodivergent character can be a lot of pressure to portray. i'd respect your decision if you chose to modify hyunhee (i'm happy to discuss changes!) or not include her in this fic.

SCENE REQUESTS 
▪ please feel free to use her as a vessel for other trainees' nicknames.

▪ hyunhee instinctively answering with "i am hyunhee" when the person actually said "can you pass the remote" or something. dare i ask for memes of this?

▪ zero pressure to do this, but somin in you in me is a fabulous example of hyunhee's potential for intense blankness à la brainwashed assassin. if there will be any "special stages as reward" injected by mnet to raise stakes, a collab with the male rappers of starship and/or pledis could make excellent incentive for all the girls, if you're catchin' my drift here...

▪ have fun! i'm open to her being a villain in someone else's perspective!

PASSWORD  on a scale of cactus to choyeon, how desperate is "love me"...?

▪ if anyone points out that her intro ends a bit abruptly, hyunhee will simply smile and point out: "so did [my earlier career]. hi again. i am hyunhee. hope you are all doing better than [your opinions of me today, however they may be doing]!" 

▪ please feel free to use a less abrupt cut of the song or the whole video, that is also fine! i just worried that those are a little long... *stares at 9100 word app* um...

▪ the main aspects i'd like to keep are (1) letting her voice reach the audience before her identity—mnet is welcome to milk that dramatic reveal—and (2) the dubiously snide "do you love me"