How I wish I can spend my time being all alone but at the same time I don't want to be alone. Lonely is my thing but sometimes it isn't. I just hope I can have friend that I can trust with whatever I'm trying to say and no backstabbing. It is really hard for me to trust people nowadays. It is had for me as well to know that I'm not the person someone will rely on. I hate this kind of feeling but I can't help to feel it. After all, I'm only being a human. Feel everything that I don't want to and taste the thing that I hate. 

All I need some motivations for me in life and someone who I can trust. I need to be open but because of my past I can't be what I wish to be. It just hard for me to have this feeling