Did you know sometimes you can be lost and not even know it until you're found; until you're shown what's been missing in your life. Sometimes you're drowning, head under the water, breathing, thinking you're fine, thinking everything is okay but in truth you're one bad day from not existing anymore. sometimes you need someone to come into your life and knock the sense back into you.

Sometimes the only way to get better is to get worse.

Sometimes the only way to get better is to tear yourself apart even more.

When you hit rock bottom you dont know it.

I know it. Everyone knows it except for the person who's in that mess.

Everyone can tell when you hit rock bottom, they can see they understand but you, you're trapped in a world of your own creation.

A dangerous world that can kill you at any moment. That can tear you apart and you're none the wiser.

You go about your day pretending everything is fine.

What if I were to tell you that everything's not fine not right now, not while you're down in the dumps unsure of life unsure of where you're going, where this path leads what if I were to tell you that you'll find yourself eventually but it won't be easy that the journey to finding yourself is a lot harder than it was to get lost.

See it's much easier to lose your way where humans after all we're not perfect none of us are.

Yep we try to be.

We try to pretend that we're perfect.

We try to pretend that everything is okay.

We try to show the people around us that we're fine, that nothing is bothering us.

We try to be strong for those around us thinking that if we show weakness that it either will bother them or will hurt you so we stay strong.

That strength, that will power that you have to keep going that is your downfall.

That is exactly what you don't want to do and yet so many of us do it.

So many of us will tell our family and our friends that were perfectly fine, we don't need help, we don't need counseling, we're not ill.

That may be true maybe you don't need counseling maybe you're not sick but I can tell you one thing, everyone has felt at some point in their life the way you feel right now may not be for the same reasons may not be because of the same thing and may not be the same pain but everyone has felt pain once or twice. 

Everyone feels lost at least once in their life, if not many times. 

I was lost and didn't even know it I was telling myself "No this is how you want to be. You want to be like this. You want to be left alone. You want to leave your family. You want to be mean to people. You want to be left alone. You want to be alone. You don't want anyone around you, it's easier that way then you don't have to lose anyone"

I've learned something it's better to have lost someone that you loved than to never loved at all

Learn from my mistakes and Learn To Love Yourself and those around you. Be more accepting of yourself. Love yourself for who you are. Learn to be forgiving of your mistakes and of the mistakes of those around you because we're all human and in the end we're on this planet for maybe a hundred years before we're gone make the most of it. You don't want your Legend to be that of a mean person that no one loved or someone who died alone in the hospital because none of their family wanted to see them. Bring love to this world. Bring love to yourselves you. See yourself  not for your imperfections, not for what you don't have, not what you aren't. Because that's not doing anyone any favors. In the end it's not about the imperfections it's about what you leave behind.

Utimately you have to choose what is important to you to leave behind because any of us can be taken at any time you have to understand that.

If you're lost take a step back look at yourself and ask "is this what I want, is this what I truly want or am I fooling myself, am I hiding, am I pretending to be something that I'm not?" make a difference next time you're at school or at work and you see somebody being picked on say something bullies rarely stand up to a crowd.

There would be a lot less shooting a lot less people dying, if we start focusing on mental health in schools. Trying our best at making people better. 

You have to find yourself before you can find others, or at least that's what I used to think. That part simply just isn't true and I know that now.

When I first met my boyfriend I knew he was hiding. I knew he wasn't the way he was saying he was. I knew that there was a lot there to his personality that he was hiding he was afraid of how I viewed him. He was afraid that if he showed me himself, he'd lose me. 

Why do we spend our entire lives dedicated to pleasing those around us who we don't even like, or who don't like us?  

We spend our time and money investing both into looking are best for that bully at school so he'll pick on us less.

We spend more money on our nails to make the girl at work who's been laughing at us for not having nails done, when you don't even like getting your nails done!

We do things to impress those around us, but why? Why does it matter?

The only thing that matters is if you like yourself, if you're happy with yourself. You don't need to impress those around you to be yourself. Love yourself if someone doesn't like you then that person isn't meant to be in your life. To put it simply stop trying to impress people that you hate that you dislike that you can't stand cuz in the in the end what matters is the smiles that you bring to people's faces everyday. That grandmother that just lost her husband. That child who just lost her cat because it was hit by a car.

You never know someone's story. You never know how your words can affect them. You never know someone's pain until you ask them. You might find that everyone has pain but most of us hide it. You might find people who are just as lost as you. Who are lonely, alone, scared, reaching out but no one's there to grab their hand.

I was lost.

I went through life thinking I wanted to be something I wasn't and the only reason I did it was because I didn't love myself for who I was.

I didn't like who I was. I didn't like what I look like. I didn't like a lot of things about myself and I realized that all of that made me cover up the beauty of a person that I am. It made me forget so much about myself, then I got lost I got worked up in the details of being someone that I'm not. I had to take a very very long break from everything and only that was the cure for everything. Only that taught me.

Guess what I was doing to myself I was making myself sick. I was obsessing over being perfect being this person that I'm not. Trying to be someone I'm not for people who I've never seen before. I tried to fit in. I've never fit in anywhere and that was one of the most important things to me for some reason. I ditched everything about my personality to become this creature of creation to bring to the reality the character that I was trying to create. I lost the good and the bad, and seemed to gain much more evil than pleasent. 

Actors and Hollywood:

They say a lot about method acting this is the process in which an actor goes through to get into character for a new part that they're playing in a movie and they roleplay the character in their real life and sometimes that character consumes you.

When Heath Ledger did the Joker it drove him insane and he died for it.

Long story short if you're creating a character just so people will like you.

Think about this.

What happens when that character dies? 

What happens when that character no longer has a storyline, it doesn't fit anymore but you've been that character for so long you don't know what to do with yourself?

Then what?

Who do you become? 

I'll tell you what...you become a shell of what you once were.

You become a monster who's forgotten its entire purpose for existence and that monster will consume you.

That monster will start to take over and who you were will be gone unless you can somehow get yourself back to where you started.

In my case I was lucky I was able to pull out of the character because of a special person that entered my life at the exact right time.

For those of you who stuck through this whole thing thank you.

The person that entered my life changed my life forever I realize what I've been looking for all along was just someone who loves me for me who I didn't mean to put up a mask for. I didn't mean to hide my true feelings, my true identity, how I felt. I didn't need to hide anything and when you find somebody that you don't need to hide you can just be yourself the best feeling in the world. So stop changing yourself for people. Just let the right people come into your life at the right times.

Now a lot of you knew me as Brayden and I'm going to tell you that is still here I still feel better with male pronouns that's not the creation of mine. My creation was that I was strong, that nothing hurt me, that nothing upset me, but everybody could see that for was a complete lie.

I really don't have a whole lot more to say other than if you're pretending to be someone that you're not, just for the sake of those around you, you'll regret it.

Don't pretend to like something just to impress someone. Don't pretend to be strong with you're weak. Don't pretend to be perfect, if you're imperfect we're all imperfect. Stop feeling like you have to hide your true identity or people won't love you.

When it comes to being gay or transual I would say keep hiding that until you feel comfortable living on your own because parents can be a little bit harsh with that stuff and I don't want any of you to be kicked out of your house because you decided to come out to your parents. Don't come out if you know the people around you will react harshly and hurt you more than help. 

I'm mostly talking about friends at school. The people you know that you pretend to like a music genre to impress, or a guy at school that you're really into so you pretend to love makeup, even when you hate putting makeup on.

It's not you but that's what he likes or that's what you assume he likes. It might get him to be interested in you or a month or week but ask yourself,

Do you want to fall in love and find out that someone was pretending the whole time to be something they're not? 

 Do you want to fall in love with someone who loves you the same way you love them?

Same goes for friends... Be yourself always, and the people who are most likely to like you will stick around. Everyone has friends, but not everyone can be friends. Personalities clash, don't give up and change yourself because of a few failed friendships. Learn why it failed and try new things, but don't change yourself entirely to get people who only like the 'changed' you. 

If you do have some type of social issue that keeps you from maintaining friends, maybe seek some help for that, I didn't for a very long time, always blaming myself when things went bad or people didn't want to be around me. 

What I learned is that I was very abrasive, craving social interaction and at the same time - a negative charge on a magnet. I pushed people away at the same time I tried pulling them close, that was my downfall. Once I learned to accept that my actions were pushing people out and learned to control it, people started staying because I "DO" have a great personality. I "AM" a wonderful friend, when I'm not being harnessed by the darkness living inside me.

Try it, and one day, you too will find yourself. 

BTS Love Maze -  Most people see it as a love between two people. Think about it. It's a love between you, and yourself. 

 

Locked in a maze of choises
Tired from dead-end confusion
We were lost looking for an answer
Lost in the maze, in the darkness

We may run and run this path endlessly
The countless false outcries
May tear us apart
It’s true baby

We must only believe in us
Don’t let go of our hands
We must be together forever

Other people say
I’m the only fool if I do this
But I don’t wanna use my head
I don’t wanna calculate
Love ain’t a business
Rather like a fitness
I’ve never used my head to love
I know it’s gonna be cold like the winter
But I wanna tackle it ayy
If you push me I’ll fall, raise me up yeah
You don’t have to come even when I pull
Let them be them
Let us be us
Love is a maze damn
But you is amaze yeah

Take my ay ay hand, don’t let go
Lie ay ay in the maze
My ay ay never let me go
In love maze
Take my ay ay hand, don’t let go
My ay ay come closer
My ay ay we must never miss each other
In love maze

Let’s not listen no matter what others say
Just let’em talk No matter what they say
I become more confident the more they say
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah

Can’t you hear me, you gotta believe me
Baby just don’t give a damn
Promise, promise me

In a maze that’s blocked in all four directions, we’re at a dead end
We are walking in the abyss
The sliver of light over there
I hope that we are wandering towards the paradise
Keep in mind, sometimes lies will try to tear us apart
Hardships will try to trick us but
I focus on myself in those times
In darkness, we are enough
In an empty lie
If we are together, even this endless maze is a paradise

Take my ay ay hand, don’t let go
Lie ay ay in this maze
My ay ay never let me go
In love maze

What can we do, we came here through our formula
Yeah what can we do, we came to a head with that rule
This maze that we wander in
In the endless crossroads
This is one of our providences for each other
I always think that eternity is difficult
I want to do it, yeah let’s be eternal
Our mountain, our climb
Our axis of the world, our hearts
Travling towards the exit
The hands that hold each other become a map

Take my ay ay hand don’t let go
Lie ay ay in the maze
My ay ay never let me go
In love maze
Take my ay ay hand, don’t let go
My ay ay come closer
My ay ay we must never miss each other
In love maze

BTS - I'm Fine  -  Probably one of the songs on the album that has spoken to me the most... Keep fighting. One day you'll be fine too. 

 

[Verse 1: V, Jimin]
Open your eyes under the cold blue sky
The pouring sun makes me dizzy
My breath is quickening, my heart is racing
I can feel it so easily that I’m alive

[Verse 2: RM]
It’s alright, even if it’s not us
Even if sadness erases me
Even if there are clouds
Even if I’m in an endless dream
Even if I’m endlessly crumpled
Even if my wings are torn
Even if some day, I’m not me anymore
It’s alright, only I am my own salvation
I won’t ever die in this walk
How you doin? Im fine
My sky is clear
All pain, say goodbye
Goodbye

[Pre-Chorus: Jungkook, Jin]
My cold heart
Has forgotten how to call you
But I’m not lonely, I’m fine, I’m fine
The darkness of the night
Shakes awake my sleeping dreams
But I’m not afraid, I’m fine, I’m fine

[Chorus: Jungkook, Jimin]
I'm feeling just fine, fine, fine
I'll let go of your hand now
I know I'm all mine, mine, mine
Cuz I'm just fine
I'm feeling just fine, fine, fine
I don't want to be sad anymore
I want to see the sunshine, shine, shine
Cuz I'm just fine, just fine

[Verse 3: J-hope]
(Hey, hope world)
I’m just fine, all of my pain
I can overcome without you
I’m just fine, don’t worry
I can smile now
Because everyone knows your voice

[Verse 4: Suga]
I’m so fine, you so fine
All of the sadness and scars
Became an old memory now
So let’s smile and let go, we so fine
I’m so fine, you so fine
Our future will only have happiness
So put away your fear
Enjoy it, you worked hard, we so fine

[Pre-Chorus: Jimin, Jungkook]
My cold heart
Has forgotten how to call you
But I’m not lonely, I’m fine, I’m fine
The darkness of the night
Shakes awake my sleeping dreams
But I’m not afraid, I’m fine, I’m fine

[Chorus: V, Jin]
I'm feeling just fine, fine, fine
I'll let go of your hand now
I know I'm all mine, mine, mine
Cuz I'm just fine
I'm feeling just fine, fine, fine
I don't want to be sad anymore
I want to see the sunshine, shine, shine
Cuz I'm just fine, just fine

[Bridge: Jungkook, V, Jimin, Jin]
Can you see it too?
The dim moonlight?
Can you hear it too?
That faint echo?

[Chorus: Jungkook, Jimin]
I'm feeling just fine, fine, fine
I'll yell it out myself
Casting a spell
On this repeating nightmare
I’m feeling just fine, fine, fine
I’ll keep telling myself
Even if I fall down again
I’m fine

[Outro: Jin, V]
I'm feeling just fine, fine, fine
I'll yell it out myself
Casting a spell
On this repeating nightmare
I’m feeling just fine, fine, fine
I’ll keep telling myself
Even if I fall down again
I'm fine
I'm fine