I'm starting to wonder there isn't a label for the kind of human connection that I am capable of. I've tried (through fictional means--roleplaying) actually investing in a conventional boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and it's about as cliche as something out of a badly written teen-life sitcom. Partly because the partner my character was involved with, is very conventional. Not in a bad sense I suppose. But in the sense that I couldn't get around the charade of being a typical boyfriend. I tried to pretend as much as I can, even breaking down close to "breaking up" a couple of times. I kept this up for over a year. But a few days ago, my boredom exceeded my guilt in possibly hurting this other character and finally decided a clean "break up". I keep "" break up because I realised I never once used it throughout the rocky journey of this relationship whenever things got bad because I don't find it an accurate depiction of what I perceive ending a romantic relationship to be. 

Anyway. 

So I ended that. And I'm thinking, it could just be that we're not meant for each other or whatever, but-- being part of this typical couple template is just very foreign to me. She expected things, that I think from watching movies and tv series, were typical of our respective roles but somehow none of it really felt natural to me. And it's not that my character didn't love her either. He does, but just the things he does as the role of a boyfriend were not natural. 

However.

Throughout the course of playing this character, I formed a few other relationships that I deem to be more meaningful and fruitful than the one with the girlfriend. And recently, while talking to his best friend, he mentions about leaving South Korea, and I suppose as a part of saying goodbye there's a longing to keep his best friend close with him-- to which I ended up expressing by wanting to have him as a hand puppet like the guy has in Midori Days.

And what was interesting was I haven't thought about Midori Days since I read the manga in... secondary chool??? Maybe even primary school??? I don't even know when that was-- and it's not like I've ever used that expression before. But it was just how I felt at the time seeing my character with his best friend. I'm not sure if it's odd. But I'm also not sure of what to call it. 

But I think it was one of the most genuine moments I've had while playing this character.