I suppose, in many ways, this is a random blog-post; it’s late and I am restless, and I blame it on the fact that, whilst I am exhausted, I don’t truly want to sleep – rather, I want to talk about mindless things and ramble into the early hours for no exact reason other than to pass the time until I am content. Therefore, I decided- why not try and put my awake state to hewing out something good from my mind? Why not try talk to the members of AFF about something that affects us all, regardless of our role as a reader, a writer, or a simple float-about-and-fanner on this site: etiquette towards our fellow members.

Inflammatory remarks are practically commonplace now on AFF. It’s odd to think just how consumed we have become in them. Even this morning, a friend of mine, whom I will not name simply to protect their privacy, was attacked here – and they are so, often. It made me start to think about how we treat each other in terms of AFF, how we act in a way we most certainly wouldn’t in reality.

My fundamental problem with the arguments I see on AFF is that they are always from the root of some insignificant, childish or harmless problem; for example, a user may exude their stresses and concerns into a blog-post, and suddenly be branded as an attention-seeker. Someone may identify with a certain idol, and be dragged down for, in the eyes of another, being as one who does not fit the mark. It’s unnecessary and immature.

A common-lesson I thoroughly believe in with regards to etiquette is that if it doesn’t hurt you or offend you, or anyone else for that matter, then leave it be. An example is in the idea of denoting someone as an attention- for what they may post in their blog. The truth is, there are many colourful and varied stories out there – some will be real, and some won’t. As people, we are instantly inclined to judge, and to try sort out which ones are based on fact and which on fiction. Many of us, if believing we have uncovered someone using fictional accounts as fact for attention, we call them out on it – often times brutally, without truly knowing them. It is in this I have a fundamental problem. Firstly, it’s true that what that member is doing likely has no real direct effect on you, and, more-over, by commenting an inflammatory remark, you’re just adding to the attention they will receive, and often-times the negative press you will receive, likewise. However, furthermore – and, this is the important part – how do you truly know that this person, whomever they may be, is lying? Some stories seem doubtful, and of that I am aware – yet, you do not know if they are true or if they are false, you have no certifiable proof other than speculation. Speculation alone won’t win your case in a court of law, and nor will it justify any offensive, conflict-inducing comments on AFF. How would you feel if you knew that someone you had degraded as an attention- was actually speaking words of fundamental truth? That your comments had made them even more terrified, isolated and alone?

In shutting down this outlet for emotional venting, we are also propagating a stigma surrounding topics that are somewhat more taboo – things like mental health, for example. I am sure many of you champion the idea of a society wherein emotions can be freely expressed, people can reach out to each other for assistance without fear of backlash – and yet, simultaneously, you may be the one providing what makes those who suffer fear.

Of course, there will be attention-, there will be liars, and there will be fakes. This is common-knowledge in every walk-space of life, for there is no escaping the human condition promoting fabrication and exaggeration. However, by making comments, by dragging people down, by tearing apart posts, you’re truly only doing one of two things: you’re either hurting someone who is already particularly vulnerable, or you’re simply feeding the need for attention in another user. You aren’t embarking on a morally righteous crusade – rather, you’re epitomising misspent anger and rage. Really, unless that member is targeting you or someone else, what does it truly matter if they use AFF as a platform to vent, true or otherwise? Unless their language is offensive, degrading, or their manner unacceptable, why do you even care? On AFF, there are options to block members and to abstain from the drama; you can simply scroll past a blog-post or report a comment and pay it no heed – so, why aren’t you doing that? Why are you starting mindless drama? Is it because you, too, like the attention? Do you enjoy being in the thick of a petty conflict? If so, that’s an immature and dangerous attitude, that could quickly and easily hurt someone more than you would have truly intended.

I understand that it can be infuriating to watch another member garner lots of love and support when you believe they are undeserving; however, the truth is, that likely has no effect on you. Whether that user earns a million followers or simply has one, it will likely have no real effect on your stance on the website, or in life, except for a proliferated annoyance, or jealousy. What a stranger at the other side of the country does will very likely have no effect on you – so, likewise, a user on the other end of AFF will likely have no effect on you, either, so long as you don’t impose yourself into an argument.

I truly am disappointed when I see the conduct on this site. AFF is supposed to be a warm, welcoming community, full of like-minded people. We’re all here for similar reasons, to read and/or write fan-fiction surrounding the idols we adore, and, the truth is, in outer society, many people would judge us for that. Here, we have the chance to meet many people from across the world with similar passions and interests, to ensure us we are by no means alone – that we are accepted by some, that we have a place as a fan. Yet, this poor display towards one-another upsets that beautiful balance; suddenly, I become scared to express an opinion, scared to be myself – which is what I thought this site was a conduit for in the first instance.

At the end of it all, we will disagree with people in our lives, and we will have different tastes. Some people we will love, and others we will not be fond of. However, it is important that we abstain from acting cruelly upon our judgements (which are often-times ill-informed) whenever possible. It is important we foster AFF as a community of love. The less arguments you initiate, the less arguments will occur; the less arguments that occur, the less people will try use them by means of finding attention. Behind our computer screens, many of us suddenly have this newfound confidence; some can act so stuck on their high-horse that a thunderbolt from Zeus couldn’t knock them down, and they trail-blaze in as if the police of our community. That’s not your job, and that’s not you- do you call people out in reality? Tear people down on snapshot opinions? My guess is that you don’t.

Recently, many fandoms have been getting a bad name due to the conduct therein, and that serves as a poor reflection on many fans, and indeed the idols themselves. However, when looking at AFF, I cannot blame people for harbouring those opinions, as the fighting, the immaturity and the unnecessary attitude on this site is paramount. You should really consider what you say, why you’re saying it and who it will affect whenever you post a comment. Truthfully, with what happened my friend earlier today, even I was upset, because this person has been nothing but kind to me and I saw no reason why they should be repaid in such a way for their support. Your comments often-times have a ripple effect, propagating stigmas and spreading a deeper level of hurt than you would be comfortable afflicting face-to-face.

Therefore, let’s please, for the love of God, try and be civil. Understand that the petty dramas within AFF are truly not a definition of your character, or anyone else’s – and nor should they be. There is a wonderful community here, many beautiful people, and we could easily become a strong and caring community, wherein we could talk freely about what we loved, provided we extended the olive branch to one-another, not the flickering flame of a lighter.

Please, next time you are about to comment on a post, or message a user, consider what you are saying, the necessity of it being said, and the actual need for it to be written.

Thank you for reading,