I have been thinking of how I've survive the previous semesters. The months of January to mid-May of this year have been the toughest I have experienced in the university.

My batchmates are graduating in 17days. I was so sad because I will not be able to graduate on time.

I remember that time I cried so hard because I don't really know what to do anymore- paper requirements had piled up, there were three or so exams in a day for the whole week. So I just told myself to just pass those subjects. ​​​​​​And I did! Although I passed those subjects, the numerical grades are just so-so; not high, but at least not failing marks.

I know I could do better, but I was just so tired with everything. I would oftenly find myself crying while walking to my next classes, during the times I work on my requirements, but most especially when I'm about to go to bed. I could clearly remember those nights I would cry myself to sleep, and I would softly whisper to myself to just endure everything for they would pass soon.

But that would happen every night until the semester ends.

I will be on my fifth year, my ninth semester, by August. And I fail a class during my second, third, fourth, sixth, seventh semesters. I would always be questioning myself What have I done? Were my efforts really not enough? I would always cry, even before I could tell my parents.

But I always tell myself that I will definitely work harder.

Last semester was that semester I worked the hardest yet. My classes would usually start at 8o'clock/8:30am, then will end by 4pm. I only have a thirty minute vacant throughout the day. My major requirements were a case study, a profiling study, a city resiliency analysis and a thesis. I have various reports and other smaller papers throughout the semester.

I broke down a lot. There was this one time that I remember sending a message to my closest university friend, telling her that I am in a middle of a breakdown. She called a few minutes after my message was sent, but I was not able to answer her call as I was in a class and I was working on another requirement for another class, and I was trying to calm myself as I have to conduct an interview in a field!! That was one heck of a rollercoaster ride of feels. I was trying my very best not to cry out loud while I was in class and try my best to stay calm because I have to face someone in roughly by hour then. There were also a few times I cried while typing because I was running on low sleep, and I was just so tired.

Again, I told myself to just endure everything as the semester would come to an end by the mid of May! 

But you know what, I tried to get back to writing (my first love!!) during this semester. And that is the reason why this account, as well as "Arranged Marriage" and "That Man, Jung Taekwoon", were born :)

There were times I sneaked typing while in class just to not let the ideas for the next chapters to slip off my mind. I just write and write whenever I have something in mind, even just for five minutes for thw whole day. That is the reason why I am always nervous and anxious when I post new chapters up- I might have rushed too much in writing that it turns out bad ;;

So I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who read, voted up, and left comments in my stories. Those were few of my sources of strength these past months.

Oh, and I mentioned above that the last semester was when I work the hardest right?

The last day of the semester, I went home immediately after I turned in a requirement. After a few hours after reaching home, I talked to my mom. I told her that I won't graduate by the end of the academic year (this June) and that I plan to take things slower as my immune system is at its weakest point.

I was ashamed and embarassed of course. My parents are working very hard to send me to school yet I fail to finish on time.

But instead of getting mad, my mom told me that its okay and that I should not force myself to rush things especially now that I fall sick easily.

I cried so much that night and I promised to make it up to my parents in all things possible.

Well two days after that talk with my mom, my grades for this semester were released one by one. I was so anxious, but confident that I won't be failing any subject. I told myself that it's okay and that I worked so hard, so everythjng will be okay.

Surprise!!!! My grades were waaaaaaaaay better than what I've expected. I usually get the good marks, but this time I got excellent marks for 6/7 of my subjects and the last one was still a good mark!!

I am part of the honor roll for the last semester- a college scholar even!

I kept it a secret to my parents because I want to surprise them when I get back home by July but kfbwsobdiahsvd my sisters were so excited to inform them so I had told them just last Sunday ;; My mom was really really excited to inform my dad, and I was fighting so hard not to cry because of what I was seeing- I actually made my mom very very happy.

Then I thought of sending a message to my mom before I went to sleep; telling her that I apologize for not graduating on time, but I hope that being part of the honor roll would make up for it.

It actually felt like I have done something right for the first time in my twenty years of existence :( :)