Well, the title said it all and I'm not going to drag on this matter any longer than I should have been. I just thought, I should have at least make a notice about it, rather than continue to disappear instead of updating all those chapters. 

Trust me, I have been working out the chapters for ToS and Fortuitous. All of their storyline have been plotted in my notebooks, filling pages after pages with possible scenes that i might consider adding in the chapters. But, life had to come in a way.  

Recently, I just broke up with my boyfriend. If I counted correctly, it had been a week since then. Didn't end it in a good way though, like I expected it should have been. Clearly our emotions aren't stabble that time, like who knows. We broke up through text. Oh well, I know, that's the worse way to end a relationship but I suppose, it's better that way. Spare me the embarrassment from having to beg for him to console me or having me screaming all those hurtful things to him so he could at least react to it. And it ended. Just like that. All those time we had spent together since high school are now just become passing memories. 

It . Because I don't know who to blame. It's either mine or him but I think it was mine. I drove him to the edge and I guess, I took it too far, this time. Not going to discuss about that either. It was not the first time we fought about the same reason. I thought we could somehow come in peace with that but my insecurities had to it all up. So, yea. I couldn't sleep for three days. Been crying myself to sleep, and waking up to a very swollen eyes. I couldn't even concentrate in the class. The urge to cry everytime I remember about our broke up are overwhelming, but I still hang on to my pride to not cry if there's people around. I don't really have a close best friend that i could talk about this. Since he was my best friend, before he was my lover. I spent my entire adolescent years with him and suddenly, I had to swallow the fact that he's no longer in my life. That night, when we broke up, I was the first one to ask him for it. Deep down, I was hoping that he might console me but he didn't. So, yeah. Maybe I was so upset, I thought of harming myself. But, I didn't. I only cut off my hair .Kind of regret that. My hair look horrible, hahaha. 

I tried to shift my attention toward anything else than him. It's very hard to block him in all social medias that i have, and deleted his numbers when I have memorized every digits so well, but I did. I tried to continue writting off the rest of the chapters that I need to be updated but I can't. My head turned absolutely blank. So, I spend like all of my free time sleeping. It's better that way, I suppose. 

Three days ago, my skin grew red spots on all over my palm. It spread to my elbow and my knees. I asked my parent about it, and they told me that it might be from allergic reaction. So, I went to the pharmacy to buy the medicine for allergy. I never have any serious allergy cases before. It happened before too, but I went to the nearby clinic for a check up and received few subscriptions for allergy based medicines. Since it come back, and my medicine were gone, empty. I bought it from the pharmacy. But it get worsen. From red spot, it spread around each other and my hands are entirely red and it looks swollen. Then, the next day, my skins turns weird (?). The red spots becomes visibles to my skin, like a bump and it look so hideous. And I eat all of the rest of the leftover medicines during the morning and night. But it didn't work .I stopped eating chicken too since everytime I eat them, my skins becomes so itchy. 

Tried to Google them up. I thought it's the same as the Hand, Foot and tongue disease. Or even drug allergy since the red spots appears to be the same one as one spreading on my skin. Yet, all the symptoms didn't suggested that I'm suffering from that disease. Gave up, i called my sister this evening to company me to the hospital. Had to take a blood sample. The doctor looked shocked when I showed my hands to her. Still, even the doctor couldn't diagnosis why those red spots appears. I don't have any fever ㅡ in fact, I'm quite fine, with the exception that I might be emotionally upset over recent broke up. In the end, she prescribe with me with another medicines, asked me to hold on until next week to see if the medicine work, and if it didn't, my case will be refers to the professionals at the hospital. 

I know it might sound like an excuse. But I'm seriously feel like I'm losing my sanity bits by bits. With the broke up, and this unknown diseases. My hands look like it had been gone through a third degree burns. I need to wear a glove to hide it, avoiding anyone who might asked me why when I don't feel like explaining myself. Didn't help either when i accidentally looked at my boyfriend's story in instagram, and he looked so fine. Happy, even. Laughing around and it crushed me so bad that it didn't effected him at all like it did to me, but like, who knows? I'm not a mind reader and I don't want to make him like the bad guy. 

Got to avoid myself from bumping into him now in the campus. And I'm counting days before final next week. Then, I'll go back home to my hometown. Till then, I really wish I could try to write. Maybe around this July. 

Till then, with love, 

Kahleen.