I have had insomnia for weeks. It will be three weeks on Monday. I literally have not slept at night, usually 30 minutes at most. It was fun going into two [super important] job interviews on 30 minutes of sleep.

I've tried everything. Herbal tea with honey, ASMR videos, candles, meditation, ocean wave sounds...nothing. 

I went to see my rheumatologist for my normal three month check up and she told me I looked like . When I explained I had gotten 30 minutes of sleep, driven to a 3 on 1 interview where I was peppered non stop with questions for over an hour then drove straight to my appointment with her, she was like, what the . When is the last time you slept? So, I explained I cannot sleep at night no matter what I do then end up sleeping all day. Wash, rinse, repeat. She wrote me a prescription for Ambien. I said I didn't want to take sleeping pills because they are habit forming but I admitted the melatonin I was taking wasn't doing and I waa taking the maximum. She told me to stop torturing myself and take the Ambien "as needed". Well, as needed was that night as this has been going on for weeks.

She has promised it would knock me out within half an hour and put me on the lowest dosage due to my concerns and...nothing. I tried to sleep for over four hours and I was wide awake. I called her and she told me to double the dosage to the max, which was ten mg. She said there was no way I wouldn't sleep. This was last night.

I didn't sleep. Not only did I not sleep but I noticed that, instead of feeling sleepy, a feeling of euphoria washed over me as I got in bed after taking the Ambien. I was happy, calm, relaxed and euphoric (trust me, none of these things do I feel regularly). But it's like, where's the sleepiness I was promised? The feelings evaporated in ten minutes and my mood considerably dipped. Now, the euphoria was gone and I was wide assed ing awake. And I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I couldn't. I've tried listening to Super Junior ballads endlessly. Even they can't get me to sleep. I finally got up at bed at 6 am to eat toast and take my medication.

It seems to me the makers of Ambien know about the euphoria it causes and that it's rather the point versus a "pleasant" side effect. Yeah, pleasant until you start abusing the out of it. Pleasant until you overdose and kill yourself. Anything to chase that high. They WANT people to become addicted to Ambien. your insomnia. Hell, I got so desperate I almost took a third pill (maximum dosage is two pills) but my husband nearly wrestled me to the ground so I didn't.

Now, my lovely option is Ambien CR. Which is known to cause sleep paralysis. You drive, have , get drunk, etc in your sleep and you don't even remember doing it. Plenty of horror stories online. There are two dosages, 6.25 and 12.5. Who wants to bet 6.25 won't work? But I'm so ing desperate. I cannot keep staying up all night and sleeping all day. I came dangerously close to sabotaging myself on both interviews. What happens on the next one? What happens when I get hired and I'm still not sleeping and I go in for my first day on zero ing sleep?

my life.