To celebrate this 1k subscriber milestone im going to tell you guys alittle bit of how i feel as an author!

this isnt really a rant but it's something i've noticed as i progressed in this field. I started writing 2 years ago when i was maybe about 14 years old. And the group made me fall in love with fanfictions was believe it or not, wasnt bangtan but Bigbang. I had this major infatuation with the Nyongtory ship and hot damn was i entertained with everything i read about them, so i searched up other ships not only from bigbang but exo as well. Since then i started stanning bangtan hardcore so i was like, why not look through their ships! and well, I fell into the Jikook pit of heaven. I was actually intruiged by this ship because the first fic i read about them was based on Jimin's one sided love and extreme hurt and pining for jungkook, And i was dealing with the same type of scenario in real life so it was easy to get infatuated quickly by this ship. Ever since then those ff's i read were just not enough to satisfy my hunger for reading. Because before i got into reading fanfics i was a massive bookworm. I literaly had my nose stuck in a book almost 24/7 heaven  anyways, As i progressed through various fanfictions including the explicit one it eventually wasnt enough to sate my hunger, so then I started writing too! My first fanfic was cringey but it was special because i found myself enjoying it.

So i wrote and wrote. The thing i noticed when i got millions of support from opposites attract is that, I started pressuring myself to finish this chapter and that chapter. I also started doubting my content becuase of the extreme love it was getting. I wanted people to read better content and enjoy it more. It came to the point where writing was already a chore for me, And i didnt want to stop even if i had no ideas pouring out because i was afraid of making my readers wait too long and wait for something that wasnt worth their reading time. I was already forcing myself to write even through the writers block which ended up with me proof reading, getting disappointed and deleting all of my drafts. The thing about me is im a perfectionist, A habit i've gotten due to my parents strict viewing of my grades and my overall life. I still loved writing, but i felt like writing back then wasnt about my enjoyment and the plots and scenes i wanted to express but more so my writing was only for the enjoyment of my readers and not mine. 

So i stopped writing for awhile, gathered my thoughts and wrote again with the scenes I wanted and enjoyed writing, And it was so touching because as i went back and started updating again, my readers were so understanding. They made me feel a whole lot better and i started to forget why i was insecure about my content in the first place and why i kept changing the plots i wanted for the happiness of the readers. I realized that my content was supossed to be something both me and my readers enjoyed and not just for one party. And i understood that, I was blindly looking through myself and asking myself what i was missing but it was never there. I was just overthinking things and it ruined my content. 

I've been on a writer's block for maye about a month or so and i stopped blaming myself for that. I knew that my readers would understand and wait for me to comeback. And comeback i did. I now have a more mature way of handling things. It still takes me abit more time to update but whenever i do im not anxious anymore, i feel more fulfilled rather than worried and i think that is because my readers thought me that. 

Conclusion is, I LOVE my readers from the bottom of my heart because they were so understanding and appreciative with all my efforts and i pledge to do the best i can to give back to them <3 So, hyunnie, my future self, if you're reading this, You're doing absoluely AMAZING honey. Stop thinking lowly of yourslef, stop procrastinating, and have the bestest of fun!
 

Your hyunnie, 

Signing off!