Just my rambling here, more like whining maybe? I am not quite sure. I might sound really childish and exagerated, or maybe makes you think I'm a drama queen, which I am pretty sure I am not a drama queen, but I feel the need to write it so I can vent it out from myself.

I really wish that being a writer would help me improve in my way of taking criticism, I am really horrible at that. No, my respond will not be defensive and angry, but more like extremely feeling down and self blaming like I dig a hole so deep so I can just stay there, feeling ashamed of what I have done, it gave me anxiety in a wow level. I enjoyed writing, it helps me distract myself from all the bad things happened around me or when I am overthinking again but when I received such a simple criticism that also might not be their intention to criticize me in a bad way, they might only want to help me grow my writing skill, but I still can't control myself to start questioning myself and blaming myself if any of them didn't like my story. Instead of just thinking like different people will have different preferences on a certain type of story telling, I would be taking it to myself and thought that I have failed, I am not good enough, I am so bad at it. I seriously want to stop being like that because it gave me serious anxiety problem. I may look confident to most people aroud me, they always seen me as someone who knows what to do with life, in fact I am not. I'm anxious all the time, overthinking all the time, and people see me as dependable person, yes of course I like that, but it also makes me asking myself to be perfect all the time because people are watching and it's tiring. When I failed to do something, I will even questioned my whole existence and the past years I've been living my life. A close friend of mine once told me not to give a damn about other people's thinking about myself but I can't help it that sometimes I valued their opinion more than I valued myself. I already come to a realization that I couldn't please everyone but still I've always asking myself to do everything perfectly on their preference despite it's not what I like to do because I am scared that they'll hate me. I should not think like this nor doing things in my life like this lol, it's seriously pain in the a**.

Lol but please whoever read this and read my story, don't be afraid to tell me where did I do wrong or criticize me. I will feel extremely down and anxious but maybe it wil makes me better some way, maybe it will helps me grow. Tell me if any of you ever feel or dealing with the same problem with me. Maybe we can share our experiences and help each other out ^^