it's 27 December today. I still found myself waking up, telling myself that the world has lost one great person.

To be honest, seriously, I don't know what has been getting in my mind, I don't even remember stanning our lovely jjong. seriously, I loved SHINee and Jonghyun, but not to extend of a hardcore fan. I only had their title songs and some of b-side songs, and I only started to become shawol earlier this year, but then I went for college and the spirit's dead again. (ughh exo's new song really gets to my mind today)

Jjong's departure apparently hits me hard. I don't know why. Once, Chester Bennington also made my heartbeat fast when the news came out. What's more on Jonghyun, he literally broke my heart, I felt this sudden ache in my heart once I read about him.

What's made me even sadder was, he was showing signs in almost every song, including the song I loved, yet no one can forsee it. 

I break down into tears whenever the articles showed in my homepage, but since it was the beginning of the week, I strained myself from clicking it. Saving everything until it's weekend, and when I do open it, I cried again, until my tears gland dried. (heol that's biology) Jonghyun really struck me. Really.

The thing about me is, I don't like things happen because of emotional things. Like if you don't come to class because you're hurting, then I'll get too worried. That's my quality I cherished and despised at the same time. A sensitive one, you could say. And since I've been following SHINee since I'm stuck in Kpop world, keeping up with their news, then it explains why I cried so much for a person who never knew my existence, a person I never take notice of his pain. Ah, and I'm actually so good at instinct at first glance but this is really out of my league.

it's 27 December 2017, 4 more days before we enter a new year. Yet I'm still living in this ing world. Good for Jonghyun, he'll never had to go through this wicked world. The world I live in and the world he used to live, we never can decipher it. How humans are so judgmental, selfish, critism, annoying, complaining to things they couldn't change by own hand. So plastic. So unbearable. 

And it's approaching 2018, humans still the same.

Jonghyun-ah, people moved on, but I don't think your brothers and colleugue could ever forget the day you decided to leave. I, someday I know I'll move on, But I think I know why you wanted to leave.

I'm not saying that I understand 100% Jonghyun's feeling, but you know, if you stick around observing here and there, I think you'll understand what I meant.

We cannot change people. That's the first. We cannot make people talk. We just can't because talking about our feelings ain't easy. Sometimes what we need is for someone to observe us and approach us the way we want. Which is impossible, because we all knew they'll labelled us things we hate. We cannot accept things beyond our norms. Because humans are that hypocrite. We can try metaphor and sorts, but it won't budge, cuz humans are just that oblivious. Up until the end of our life, they'll always criticize, because humans never stop. We're the destructive creatures. To everything. Including to themselves.

How many people would actually recognize each other pain and approach them?

We don't approach Jonghyun, we let him suffer himself because he's too afraid of our preception. 

Good for Jonghyun, he won't have to go through the world we live in anymore. Good for him.

When will humans learn to accept?

Just my thoughts in the morning, I'm sorry if this kinda hurt you. but as the title reads, this is my last letter about jonghyun.

I don't have suitable place to tell all this hehehe

byee.