I remember I was really young when I was first introduced to the K-pop songs. And I remember SHINee being the first group that sparks fireworks in my little young heart. Fancy and colourful pants. Handsome and innocent boys. I dug deeper into their variety shows, music videos clips, and everything the internet could feed me. I finally understand why people love them. Their brotherhood is no joke. I saw borderless care, humanity. From then, I stan hard. I slowly became so damn in love with SHINee and those girls and boys group because I learned that they worked g hard to even make themselves chosen. They gave their all. They sacrificed loads, which I couldn't imagine if it was me, would I be all ready to do the same? I would never have the balls. I admire them for standing still and fight against grueling emotions just to live their dreams.

Kim Jonghyun, a man with unique voice and tones no one can ever imitate. Honey-like and soothing. He was always the type of boy I would have my eyes on because of his "rebel" attitude. Like Key has said in his letter to Jonghyun, both of them would always be the one who fight to have their own way of doing things. And yes Jjong, that's how you should live and you've lived very well.

Few days before that unfortunate day, I was randomly playing videos of old days while taking a break from my heaps of school work. I don't know why I chose to watch the clips from SHINee's Hello Baby. As if I knew I'm not gonna feeling normal again after that.

Never did I know I wouldn't be seeing you smiling and breathing again. Never did I know I would be so damn frustrated inside and out no matter how many times I told myself that you're now at a better and happiest place you've ever wished and so I don't have the rights to be upset over it. If that makes you happy, I should let you go... right?

2017 has been my most dreadful year. I've countered so many things, the bad and good ones. Sometimes I need to cry myself to sleep because I feel exhausted and tired. I wonder how you could fight against those. From the times you were really a young boy up until now, I've watched your transitions. You did look very different but I just thought that was because you"ve now a matured man. Your eyes, your expressions, I knew you were tired but I hope there's still a glint of hope and happiness that lives inside you.

Kim Jonghyun my angel, you've inspired many. No single soul would ever forget how much warmth and kindness you've spread for this harsh and cruel world. You bloom like a flower, shine like the most beautiful star. I learned that behind your happiest smiles and teases, there's a fragile young man trying to hide his pain and sorrows just to enlighten others' mood. You're the happy pills we thought we won't ever lose...

Dear God, I know this is what you and Jonghyun had promised way back before he was born into this world. That his life on earth was just until this page. That we should let our brightest star go. I believe he's safe and happy under your care. I believe he would have only happy moments with him so that his painful memories while living on earth was gone. I hope my beautiful star shines even brightest alongside the other stars in the sky. I hope he keeps slaying that way so that we know he's doing well and keep singing happily with you by his side.

Beautiful angel Kim Jonghyun, death is not the end of life. It's a departure to the Spirits World. The world in which everyone on this earth will eventually go to. The world in which I hope I can meet you. Even you've never knew my existence on earth while you're still here, I deeply hope God will give me chances to meet you in the next world. Till then, I put you under His care and I firmly believe you're in a good hands of The One.

Merry Christmas, Kim Jonghyun my baby angel. I love you yesterday and forever. Thank you so much for everything wonderful you've done to this ungrateful human you called your fan. We'll see again, baby love!

Sincerely,

WawaSM

December 24th, 2017

Malaysia.

p/s: Picture credits goes to the owner.