Well, hey

I would ask you how you feel like.. but there aren't people answering blogposts anyways.

Seemed like those blog posts became to be like talking out of soul without any response (most of the time at least) 

I'm here at my home and I don't know what to feel like anymore. 

I don't have some energy anymore, I actually wished to change this. 

But this isn't easy. 

In university I feel quiet lonely. It's hard to approach people since the most of them seem to be in their own group and won't accept new people. 

It's too hard to integrate into groups. 

Well I'm studying korean studies and basically all of them listen to kpop.... it should bring people together, but it doesn't. 

For sure I met people, talking to them, but outside those class room and lecture halls they won't even look at me. 

I really can't get used of it. 

The most sad thing is, in this classes I have a friend since so long. Let's change it to "friends". 

We know each other and used to be friends for the past 13 years or something. But as soon as we were in this classes we don't talk to each other, we not even sit close to each other. Why? Well she is in her group and I can't just imigrate. 

I'm really not the person. 

I feel like being annoying to all of them. 

Actually we haven't talked much the past years since we weren't living in the same city anymore, but we were able to meet up. 

I was able to not develope the feeling that this friendship came to an end. 

For sure I won't say just no when she asks for a meeting or something. But let's be honest it won't come to this point. 

I hate it when she still says "I miss talking to you." Be honest with yourself girl, you could change it when you really like. 

I hate growing up. We need to be responsible and can't act like we want to.

Well beside that fact the university takes so much time. Before you not even tried you can't imagine how hard hanja (chinese writin) is like. 

It's part of the korean studies thing but yeah I feel not like I could pass it for real. My head is already full of so many stuff I can't remember this.

Let's count, around 30-40 vocabularies in Hanja and in Korean about 100+ vocabularies each week. 

It's much to study but hard to remember. I really don't know what it is.

Let's change the topic before I get real headache from university.

I'm working part time, since I want to make an internship abroad. (It's good for the CV so..) 

I'm a waitress but I'm really less there to work, it's not cause I don't want to it's more like because they don't let me work. 

It's really frustrating. 

You feel stupid all day long and the only thing you are happy about is work, but then you get a simple call with "We don't need you today" 

I can understand, we are many people who want to work but I need to think of myself. 

I need that money.

When I want to ask for more work time or something I feel rude like "Don't annoy those working people just because of you." 

I'm thinking about getting a second job, but it's really not that easy.

The others have similar problems to mine. 

Then I'm actually in a wonderful relationship but we are fighting very much. 

Since there are so many other things in my mind it's hard to handle. 

I'm on my way home and I just want to cry all day long. 

Writing fanfiction, no let's call them just stories. 

Writing stories are really relieving. 

I feel good since for this moment I'm in a different world. 

but I seem to be not good in it. 

I get less response to it. 

Not many people reading my stories and even less are commenting.

There was one person cometing one of my stories but the person doesn't comment all the time or every chapter.

I wished more people on this world would comment on stories.

It helps to be inspired and it makes us feel good.

I think I've cried enough of my soul.

so 

Bye.

Have a nice day, evening or whatever.