So hi? 

I'm sorry, but I just need to talk whatever in my mind right now. I'm afraid if I tell this to someone who knows me personally, it will affect my life. 

Well anyway, right now I'm under alot of stress. It's because of my parents. My family is an average family. We are consist of 7 people, my dad, mom, older bro, older sist, me, younger sist, and younger bro. Up until I was in first grade of Junior high school, everything was fine. We are a happy family, nothing seems wrong, until one day my parents start to tell me about their debt. From I was a child and understand things, my parents always told me to be down to earth, don't be arrogant, don't waste money, etc just like other parents do. But then they told me strictly not to waste money just for games or any other unusefull things. That's why I always save my pocket money to buy kpop stuff. They told me that we have a lot of debt. Back then I didn't think alot about that. I just know that "oh, mom and dad are struggling, so I can't waste to much money" so I did what they want. Then when I was 2nd grade in junior high school, my dad got sick. He already has diabetes, but because he smokes too, He need to do heart surgery. My family was so sad and broken, because we don't have money, fortunately, my dad's siblings want to help and they pay for my dad's surgery and recovery. everything just starting to look good again. oh how I wish it was, I got a shocking news, my older bro got his girlfriend pregnant when he was just in last year of senior high school. But they aborted the baby bcs of the girl's parents didn't like my bro. It's a shame to my family's name especially my parents because we are poor family, my older bro's school fees was paid by my dad siblings. Imagine how my parents gonna face our extended family. Then I continue my life trying to forget every bad things that's been happening. I move to another city to pursue my Senior high school degree. And of course the school's fees was paid by my aunt too, just like my older bro and old sist. I'm so thankfull to my aunt. everything was fine, I continue studying as best as I can, maybe there is some problem but it's not that big, I started to pay attention when I spend my money. I rarely go out with my friends resulting me doesn't have a lot of friends. I just found out now that people in my senior high school talk behind my back about me befriended my best friend, they said I was just using my best friend to pays for my food or movie's tickets! I'm so heartbroken when I heard that, thankfully, my bestfriend told them that they are talking bull, and they don't know my story. bcs i told everything about my family to my best friend. I was fine with not having a lot of friends. I spend my time watching EXO and other korean show. All my life was about study, watching korean, and sometimes student council organization, (bcs actually I like to be active hehehe) then I got the best gift ever from my parent, I got to watch EXO concert in my country. I save my money for almost 6 months and then my dad helped me too. when you read up until this, you may think "Oh, that wasn't so bad" but actually, everytime I come home when holiday season, I feel so happy and suffocated at the same time. Every single day, my mom will always complained about our life. she will always say "Oh God, why do I have so much debt" and so on. Let me tell you that the nominal of our debt, right now it's about 8 billion rupiah I think, bcs we have a big family and very little profit from my parent's job. whenever my mom complained, it makes me so stressed bcs it won't go away from my mind. I started to think of not going home to avoid my parents, to avoid the reality that our family are falling. then when I graduate from high school, my aunt stopped paying for our schools fees. I think it has to do with my bro's mistake. So right now my younger siblings' schools fees are paid by my parents, which also added our debt. honestly I don't want to continue my study, but my father said that he still can pay for his children. So I went to university and right now I'm in 3rd semester. Ever since I graduate from senior high school, my mom stopped working bcs debt collector trying to put my mom in jail. So my father forbid my mom from working. that's where the big problem begins. bcs my mom not working, she have alot of free time. She use that free times to catch up with her old friend. She star using social media, facebook, instagram, whatsapp, etc. My dad, already stressed with work got jealous when my mom didn't pay attention to him. My mom always busy with her phone or when she's not on her phone. She's with her friends. what makes my dad angry is the fact that my mom's friends are mostly men. And from what I know, people still think my mom as beautifull even now when she's already in her late 40s. I think my dad afraid that my mom will cheat. I'm born as catholic which believe that married couple shouldn't divorce. so I never think that my parents will divorce. But I just heard that my mom asked my dad to divorce her. I was told by my older sist that my dad are so heartbroken. He really loves my mom. But He sent my old sist some photos about my mom strange behaviour. In the photos my mom was talking on the phone with someone, but she always talk far away from my dad. I've asked my mom if she's cheating, but my mom said no, and she said "if I want to cheat on your father, I will do it from long time ago" when I asked her why she said I love yous in her chat with her friends, she will just said that it's how she talks with her friends, not just for one person. So she said that it was impossible for her to cheat. I used to believe that my dad was oversensitive and over protective, but now I don't know anymore. I don't know who's right or wrong, who's telling the truth or lying. I'm so stressed, I can't think clearly, I don't have friends in my univ, I don't have boyfriend, I don't have anybody to talk about this. I'm just so tired with everything.

Sorry for the long story, when I re-read it, I just realized my life is like a drama :3 

Hahaha. Anyway, thanks for reading( if there's any)