hei... hi 

I didn't think I would be writing this, but I guess I have to, after I received some messages and comments here and there. 

Pressure is a , anxiety is something I want to stay away from. Once you fall into an anxious state of mind, you hardly get out, and I don't need that, I truly don't.

Writing is a pleasure, something I want to keep on practicing. I've got a mess of a head, always thinking about conversations that are not mine, that are of people with interesting and exciting lives, and I want to share their stories.

Love is an addiction, something I need and want to keep. You guys give me a lot of love, I try to give it back as much as I can. 

What happens when your pleasure becomes your anxiety, when the love you received begins to feel less of love and more of an addiction? My stomach churns and twists and turns and everything I write is , you won't like it, you'll hate it, you'll hate me.

Stories I loved turn into something I despise because I don't feel like those were appreciated, stories I scribbled down fall into the dumpster because I don't think those will ever be liked, and then... then I don't write anymore. 

I want to write, I love writing. Be it a song, be it a poem, be it a story, I want to share my mind with you. 

and that's where everything starts, or continues. 

I understand much, I do. An author's life is not something that necessarily interest you, I learnt as much in the time I spent here, but there are things in life that cannot be stopped, nor delayed, there are priorities and there are problems, along with dreams that fight to come true.

I've been through that in the last months.

I'm childish, in many ways, and irresponsible, you could say, and I've abandoned life in its true meaning and form, escaping its reality and hiding behind fantasy, in fear of moving on. 

For once, I'm standing up for myself, for once I'm putting my dreams and my goals first, for once I'm opening my eyes and taking in what really is there. 

and I'm not a quitter, I'm not a forgetter, I'm not a leaver. 

There are things that have a date attached to their titles, there are things that don't. 

Joggling with obligations, with passions and with duties isn't easy, but I'm doing what I can. 

"Patience is key", they told me when I was young. "Patience is the virtue of who's strong", they taught to the child I was, and I took that to heart, and I hope you can too. 

Don't think of me as someone who came and went, I'm someone who arrived in order to stay, please, understand and respect that. 

and when I say I love you all and you give me warmth when it's cold and freshness when it's hot, I believe in those words and I mean every bit of it. 

Lots of Love,

-S