So as I said in my last post called "baking with author" I had news about my health.
I'll explain more in details about what is wrong with me. To say it right out: I am sicker than everybody sees. It is inside me, but nobody can see it. Because I don't want to show it  Besides those wgo knows me, like Ann. She knows me and could see it from the start that I was sick. 

Seriously sick.
It did start in October 2016 when I started to stop eating as a diet but I stopped quickly because my stomach started to make loud noises in the class when it was completely silent and it kept me awake at night. I have always been a happy, energic and positive girl who did sleep much. When I started to eat again, I got worse. I was tired, I took naps all the time, I was lazy, I was unable to have gym and I cried and cried for everything.

Besides that, my carving for food stopped completely. I have my whole life been a half way to chubby girl with the size of L and XL but right now I fit into clothes which is supposed to be worn by 9-12 years old and small and medium size. But As said, no matter what I tried: i couldn't eat. Nothing tasted good. I lost all energy I had all the time and had no power to do any tasks. I kept loosing weight like crazy and I have now lost 20kg since October, and this is not something I want.
I have always loved food but now I normally just eat dinner or breakfast. Nothing more. I  don't even managed to eat it all up!

Soon after it started, I kept on having cramps that felt like I have 100x times worse period cramps than normally. It was unbearable, but all I could say was "i am still alive, and there are people having it worse than me. So I shouldn't complain." At the same time, every time I was done at the bathroom with doing "number 2", it looked like a crime scene in the toilet. It was blood all over the toilet, and lately the 2 weeks Now it is dripping blood out of me and I have to use tampons or period binds to not bleed through my underwear.

We had been in hospital because it went too far. They 'found nothing'. That There isn't anything wrong with me, that I faked it.  My mother and whole family went against the doctors and said "are you crazy? There are no sign of her that she is faking it or is okay! She have NEVER been this tired or have had blood all over the bathroom after her."
The doctor said "okay, then we'll have another check on her."

...

I have never been through worse. I am not lying when I say that was worse when I almost died when I was 9. Do you know what they did? A doctor forced a snake (not the animal ofcuz) with a camera on the tip up my hole to see through my body to check if there's anything wrong. They used grass and water to get through and I felt like I was tortured. There was normally 1 nurse and 1 doctor in the room. We needed
2 doctors
And FIVE, I repeat FIVE nurses + my mother to hold me still and comfort me. That is how bad it was.
Oh, let's not forget that the doctor didn't even care about me at all. He wanted to get over with it. When I said "I need to go to the toilet" (I was forced to drink a lot before I went in to the 'operation' (more like the 'torture') he said "no it's just the snake that you're feeling, just keep it in. We're soon done."
 ...
No. We wasn't done. And I couldn't keep it in. To say it as it is, because of him pissed on the table I was laying on and I had to lay there for ONE HOUR!
ONE HOUR!
I felt like he didn't care at me at all. The nurses came out to me afterward and asked me if I was okay and tried to comfort me and had cried as well.
When we got the result they again found "nothing". They legit said "we found nothing, and the blood tests doesn't show anything either."

I wasn't able to walk for a week. I had to stay at home again. 

And worse, day by day. I lose weight more and more and it doesn't stop. It has ruined me. It have ruined the once happy person I was. This is the reason why I haven't uploaded for a while. Because I am way too tired. My personal doctor is trying to get me into hospital again (there are 2 hospitals where I live. The first one threw me out because I wasn't sick enough). But do not worry about me. I am still amanda_kookie, and I am not going to die of this. We are trying to make me eat more, but it is just impossible. Because of that they haven't done a yet besides making me hurt, I have to take the second year of high school half one year and the other half the other year
Well, nothing can get worse than the torture operations I had. 

Love author ❤ and to say it: my birthday was the best~