(I had someone who personally knows me on twitter so im keeping my real here, yk for ... outlet?)

This had been bugging me since the last week, 7 days to be exact. In seven days, I already felt the discomfort despite my desire to win a slot for an unduoubtly famous org in school. So what makes me comfortable about it?

First, my false understanding about the word passion and desire. What I had during the applications? To win. Not for the position itself but instead, to win against my competitors. Honestly, the decision of joining was impulsively done because a colleague close to me had a form (simply implies that colleague is joining). And the feeling .... it's the feeling of knowing that other people had decided to battle for an entry that you had wanted to join since ages (ever since I stepped in the university) ago. And me? I only joined because ... nothing. I got no reasons. So yeah I passed and happened.

I couldn't talk to anyone with in the org. They portrayed inexcplicably amazing skills that certainly fits for the org and ... they doesnt belong to me (bcs if it did, i shouldve8 said we instead of they OBVIOUSLY) Well, what the me. I'm feeling extra down than what I'm feeling before as a normal and free student. My parents started to scold me numerous times ever since the incident (of joining) and I am socially deprived to my friends. I miss them so much and .. I couldn't do anything since I am now here. I fought for this position and I'll fight alone til the year lasts. I'm very insecure. I am dumb and I know nothing and it makes me feel even dumber now that I'm here. Well, . And .