Hello everyone!

I thought I would add some commentary about Bittersweet Baby since so many people are coming from BAE and I have a lot to say! Enjoy with caution: typos!

This is also super long and pretty in-depth, (over 3k words) so be prepared for some video links and descriptions, lots of music, and my own fangirling and appreciation!

I'll go over the stuff in this order:

A few random comment notes
Explaining the scenes that I love and that the readers seemed to have enjoyed
Playlist
Character Development
Other writings and works

Firstly, I have to thank everyone. To the baeconandeggs mods for allowing me a platform to present my writing to a wider audience, and of course the readers for taking the time to read my work. Those who comment are such angels, it means so much to a writer when people comment. And the things people say! So complimentary! Despite having the overzealous gusto to write something as dark and y as this, my heart is mushy and soft and sensitive; if it's any explaination, my zodiac sign is Scorpio (dark chuckle)...so I'm such trash for sweet compliments.

First order of business: when I first started writing this, I made a pair of graphics for my two main characters, and I think they turned out pretty well actually. I'm having a little trouble with AFF and my computer right now, so expect them to show up later. :)

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I'll quick respond to some comments from Archive of Our Own to answer some questions and add my words, but seriously, if I had the time and the abundance of words to respond to all of them, I so so so so would. I read the comments often, actually. It's great motivation! Anyway:

milekaa: "First, this was such a long story and I can't even begin to imagine how many hours it took to write when I see how long it took me to read"...(etc.)

OKAY UM I put off writing this for so long, and then I went over the deadline, and so I crammed this in four days. I'm super pleased with how it turned out despite the fact that I never read over it or edited, I was so desperate to finish...

surgicalfocus: ...(omg such a long comment wowwwie) "The way things ended as well -- I love that. I love that baekhyun went to prison. It satisfied the lover of justice in me. But I cant say it didn't break my heart because I'd be a dirty liar if I did. Even if it didn't last very long (I'm glad it didn't. Just let me have this one guilty pleasure, damn you moral compass!!)"...(etc.)

This is actually very important to me too! My mother always points out that in movies, cops are so often portrayed as being pretty dumb. This just...never seemed realistic? But also in cop shows or detective tv series', they're shown as being clever and dependent. In today's day and age you can't get away with anything - unless you have money. This was sort of based on the arrest of Charles Luciano, an old mafia boss that went to prison and yet still managed the business from there. But I have the same feeling for justice (mercy is my greater totem, but I have moral standards too), and the fact that Baekhyun has money and is the iest badass out there doesn't mean he's above the law...I knew I wanted this in my story, it just had to be there.

sehuntress: ..."The whole time i read this, I felt like I was watching some sort of movie"...(etc.)

exocertified: All the scenes were so vividly described I feel like I watched a movie.

honeycake: reading this feels like watching an action movie tbh

WRITING THIS FELT LIKE WATCHIING A MOVIE EXCEPT THE OTHER PERSON KEEPS PAUSING IT TO GET UP AND GET SNACKS AND GO TO THE BATHROOM AND IT'S LIKE "STOP IT I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT" BUT THEN YOU'RE ALL "OH I'M THE WRITER"

baekb4boys: ..."ALSO EVErY TIMe Baekhyun did the thing where he'd whisper real close to Chanyeol's ears what he wanted him to do i got SHOOK like WOW Baekhyun as the iest man that has Chanyeol wrapped around his beautiful fingers? YES PLEASE !!!!"...(etc.)

YO ME TOO MAN IT GOT HEATED ALL UP IN MY ROOM WITH THE LIGHTS OFF AND NIBBLING STRESSFULLY ON THE RITZ CRACKERS

baekb4boys: ..."every single emotion in this fic i felt too.
like when Chanyeol was staring at Baekhyun undressing and got embarrassed i started getting embarrassed too and i don't usually bat an eye at that kind of stuff but your descriptions of their feelings and just Everything was PERFECT so every single time Chanyeol worried about Baekhyun, i was worried too. when Chanyeol was mad bc he saw Baekhyun with that random guy, i was mad too."...

Ultimately this is my goal: I'm so glad that I evoked emotion in some people, it satisfied my need for being a writer aweewwahhh.

parkchandaddy: You took a prompt that could have followed every cliche known to man and ed it in THE . (literally)

I WAS LAUGHING FOR DAYS AT THIS

(you don't have to read all of these next ones ehehh)

milekaa: I loved the action scenes, especially the one Chanbaek wrestle for dominance and punch each other while rolling aorund the floor and finally admitting to their ual attraction.

museofthedawn: My favorite part was the making out scene akshsjakshsj istg I should thank you properly for ever writing it down because THAT WAS INCREDIBLY INTENSE AND JUST FILLED WITH SO MUCH EMOTION LIKE BOTH OF THEM WERE TRYING TO SORT OUT THEIR FEELINGS BUT THEN THEY ENDED UP KICKING AND PUNCHING EACH OTHER IN THE GUTS BUT ARE STILL TANGLED IN THE HEATED KISS AND IT MADE EVERYTHING SEEM EVEN MORE SENSUOUS THAN IT HAD ALREADY BEEN OHMYGOD HOW DID YOU DO IT????? I can't get over the way it made me feel hot inside.

baekyeolsation: And authornim the part where Chanbaek kissed for the first time, damnnnn. That was so HOT.

stardust1981: The intense action scene and the between them had me curling in so much anticipation of what will happen.

surgicalfocus: The car racing scene!!! That making-out-slash-physical-fight scene (a ing masterpiece all in its own - somehow the fact that they didn't have only made it more impactful)!!!!!!!!

sweetafla2761: CB's rough making out & their car racing are actually my fav part (i was holding my breath when i read these part lol)

baekcandy: ALSO I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE EPILOUGE SO MUCH MY HEART EXPLODED ALL THE FLUFF AND THEIR LITTLE DANCE ASJDJDH/MELTS <33333

surgicalfocus: And, of course, the epilogue was wonderful.

reddyswan: The ending is beautiful too, oh my

pawsitivelytao: AND DO WE EVEN HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE ENDING. IT IS PERFECT.

meemow: i so looooovveee the epilogue!

laura: I also love the ending, although I was between really enjoying all the lovely moment with Chanyeol and Baek (they got married omg ajdlajdkajd) and laughing a bit because I'm spanish and the food is good indeed xD

So so so so so these are just a few excerpts from a some comments cause Y'ALL COMMENTED A LOT ABOUT THESE SCENES HELSJLKHESH and these are the three scenes that I wanted to explain further, because they're the ones I was most inspired to write :):):)

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The make out/first kiss/fight scene:

This was inspired by a scene from the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the one where they both come home after realizing that they're both spies and on enemy sides, and it's night out, and then BAM they both come in and start shooting each other and legit trying to murder one another, and it's funny because they're husband and wife and usually you're really gentle and respectful towards your spouse but NO and then after they beat each other to a pulp and destroy their house they have . So that's what inspired it, though what I wrote was a little different. Similar but different. I had been looking forward to writing that forever and it was so incredibly fun to write, I was smiling like an idiot the entire time oh my gosh...

YouTube: Mr. & Mrs. Smith fight scene

It's a long- cut, if you have the time...

The car racing scene:

OHOHOHO SO I also am excited about this one, and it was inspired by my brother. He's in love with the shows Top Gear and The Grand Tour, and he showed them to my mom and I and now they're these aclectic additions to our favorite tv shows (For those who don't know: Top Gear is a British show about three car journalists who test, drive, buy, evaluate, and experiment with automobiles). Anyway, there were two epsiodes, one where they were on a race track speed-testing the McLaren P1, Porsche 918, and Ferrari La Ferrari, and the second where they were individually testing just the McLaren and Porsche: Richard Hammond's inspired the scene mostly. But we had also been watching F1 car race movies, and other Top Gear episodes, and my brother had started trying to teach himself drifting, and so for me it was kind of inevitable.

YouTube: Porsche 918 Review by Richard Hammond

YouTube: McLaren P1 Review by Jeremy Clarkson

Again, they're pretty long. Best just to see the first 50 seconds of the Porsche 918 if you want - just make sure to start the video from the beginning, it may jump to the middle.

The Epilogue:

There's such a story behind this I'm soft. So when I was little my favorite movie in the whole wide world was Puss In Boots, a Dreamworks Animation animated film. It takes place, supposedly, in Spain, and there are several dance scenes between the two main characters. The dance fight that contributed to it, the dance on the golden eggs that transformed it, and the ending scene that inspired it were all fantastic! All combined, that's probably what did me in. Also, both Puss and Kitty influenced aspects of Chan's and Baek's characters in the story, and maybe you'd see that heheheheh. Although the four characters are similar, my Korean mafia dudes are different from the Spanish cat outlaws. Also (this is really weird) one of Lady Gaga's music videos kind of had to do with this?? Think of the very start of her music video for Paparazzi. I think I saw it years ago, but for some reason that scene stuck in my head? The one where they're...in bed and kind of in that big fancy house? Not the rest of the video, but just that.

But yes, the scene where Puss and Kitty are dancing with Humpty Dumpty and the baby goose, and the ending scene. MY HONEYS YOU'LL SEE WHY.

YouTube: Puss In Boots Dance Fight

YouTube: Kitty and Puss dancing (ahhhhh can you SEE WHERE I GOT THE INSPIRATION)

YouTube: Puss In Boots Ending Scene (the hardcore inspiration)

 

Of course, a lot of people also commented about the , and I don't think I have to (OR SHOULD OMG) go into that, but I'm thinking maybe I'll add an extra chapter of of how ChanBaek spent that one night in Barcelona, the one mentioned in the epilogue. It would be my guilty pleasure ;) Let me know if that would be good!

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Those explainations are what I really really wanted to say, but now I have another topic: soundtrack! Feel free to have a listen...

I put together a playlist of songs as I was writing the story that added so much mood as I was typing away. The title of the story, Bittersweet Baby, was actually inspired by some lyrics I heard while writing (no, it wasn't that Tove Lo song...I don't remember what it was unfortunately but it's probably on the list). Also, this is super duper long. If you don't want to go through 50 songs, on my Spotify account I made a public playlist called "DOCILE" (because that was the original title for the story) and you can go listen there if you want. My Spotify address is "thaliaskyesmith" (the other public playlists I have are for other stories and stuff). That'll probably be easier for most people, unless you don't have a Spotify account, for which case I listed them all here:

Die For You - The Weeknd
Because You Are Who You Are - K.S. Rhoads
Polarize - Twenty One Pilots
Message Man - Twenty One Pilots
Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Lorde
Born To Die - Lana Del Rey
Bravado - Lorde
Come My Way - PLVTINUM
Secrets - The Weeknd
Wolves - Down Like Silver
The Sound Of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel
I Am A Rock - Simon & Garfunkel
Gasoline - Halsey
Lotto - EXO
Dazzle - Oh Wonder
Oh No! - Marina and the Diamonds
Take Me To Church - Hozier
Habits (Stay High) - Tove Lo
Influence - Tove Lo, Whiz Khalifa
Valley Of The Dolls - Marina and the Diamonds
Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys
Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High? - Arctic Monkeys
Savages - Marina and the Diamonds
Hard Love - NEEDTOBREATHE
Hypnotic - Zella Day
A Little Death - The Neighbourhood
Americano - Lady Gaga
Distraction - Kehlani
East Of Eden - Zella Day
Starboy - The Weeknd, Daft Punk
Jailbreak - AWOLNATION
Artificial Love - EXO
Roots - Imagine Dragons
Don't Talk About It - Tove Lo
Persia - Until The Ribbon Breaks
I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys
Numb - Marina and the Diamonds
Believer - Imagine Dragon
Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
All Time Low - Jon Bellion
Control - Halsey
BITE - Troye Sivan
Barcelona - Ed Sheeran
Who Will Carry You? - K.S. Rhoads
Way Down We Go - Kaleo
Rooting For You - London Grammar
Haze - Amber Run
I Found - Amber Run
No Rest For The Wicked - Lykke Li

 

Listening to the playlist for me, at night before I sleep, is what helps me visualize certain scenes. Not that I was jamming to The Weeknd while trying to fall asleep.

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Everyone was also commending my character development, particularly with Baekhyun: okay, what the heck? Character development is something that I ponder over and over and over in my head because it seems like such a tricky concept: portraying a significant, honest, and moving change in a person over a period of time? Easier said than done. To me it has always seemed that there was this balance that I had to find as the writer, and a way to write to show how this character was very gradually morphing into someone new, a balance of pace that wouldn't move too fast or too suddenly, or that wasn't fulfilling. I always thought I could never achieve that because when it's done well, it's so satisfying. To sort of manage this (unintentionally almsot) I developed my own sort of technique, and YO IT WORKED HAH!

Honestly, I had so much fun writing Baekhyun's character. I have never experienced so much enjoyment just writing how someone sits down, or talks, or blinks. His character made me so pleased, as if he had a mind of his own.

Of course Chanyeol, too. I think I felt a significant connection to his character through this writing process.

To help explain some things, I have this brief response to a single negative comment that I did come across, and I don't mind, because it's good information for me to know, and everyone is of course entitled to their own opinions. I just wanted to address one thing that was said, a dislike for Chanyeol's stuttering in the fic. I was let known that it may come across as offensive, or portray him as having retarded speech, and that I was going for the "bumbling idiot" trope.

The type of character I was going for with him in this fic was the "I stutter in the face of the one that I both love and am intimdated by", not the bumbling idiot. I have a near 4.0 GPA and I stutter. I stutter when I'm sad, when I'm nervous, when I raise my hand in class, and in normal everyday conversation. Using a slight speech impediment in my fics is something that comes naturally because I stutter myself, and in a way it was my closest way of relating to Chanyeol's character in this fic. Although I do think that speech impediments and mental difficulties need to stop being portrayed as something derogatory, offensive, or retarded (gosh I hate that word it's so segregational) in story-writing in the world today, I also believe that people's views and immediate judgments of those things should be changed. I think stuttering needs to stop being associated with bad things. People used to think I was cute because I always stuttered when I was happy, or when I was telling a story. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone, and I want to put this here for further notice in case it is triggering for anyone else.

So yeah. That was heavy.

But anyway, Chanyeol became a sort of reflection of myself: someone of loyalty, of love, but also of insecurities. Chanyeol gained more confidence as the fic went on, which is something that has been happening in my own life. Slowly I've been having these live-changing experiences that have carefully begun to change me: I'm freaked out. I don't always like it, but I can feel it in me. Travelling, reaching the pinnacles of happiness and joy, feeling success...experiencing all of these things has made me wish for greater things for myself. Literally, I bought my first pair of shoes JUST FOR FUN THIS FEELS SO WEIRD yesterday. First time I ever splurged on a pair of freaking shoes was yesterday. Anyway, without going into all the little details, I do feel like a little bit of myself was preserved in Chanyeol's character in this story.

Honestly the thing that I have most in common with Baekhyun in this story is the unwritten kinkiness stop me please I hate myself

 

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Also, for anyone who is looking into my other stories or is already reading them, here are some notes:

 

Submit (Chen) - as much as I like this, the chances of it being finished are kind of slim. Because it was originally written as a one shot I didn't organize it in a way that would help me extend the story. I might rewrite the following chapters, or just unpublish them and leave it as a drabble...or keep writing it and struggling. I don't want to abandon my readers, so I'll do my best in whatever I choose.

Milk and Cookies (ChanBaek) - this is still going, I promise. I just have a lot to do.

High Reach (ChanBaek) - also still in progress. I just have to sit down and do it.

Greater Than This (ChanBaek) - just an angsty fic from No Happy Ending Fest. ;););););););)

The Day The Sun Died (KaiSoo) - one of my favorite works. Stars and moons and kaisoo and feels.

The Last Piece (SeChen), The Dance of the Lover (ChanBaek), Hello Kitty (XiuChen), Retro Romantica (ChanBaek), are all on hold (gosh I haven't even posted all of these yet what the heck). AS MUCH AS I LOVE THESE. OH MY GODHDSLKSAHSJK I WANT TO WRITE THAT HISTORIC FIC SO BADLY AHHHHH ALL OF THESE ARE JUST MAKING MY HEART BURST BUT THEY'RE ALL HEAVY

 

Here are some new ones in the making that might actually get posted!

 

Racing Games (ChanBaek) - 1988. Baekhyun is an F1 car race driver and Chanyeol is his reporter boyfriend. Two shot.

Nightly (DaeBaek/Hyun Family) - Post-apocalyptic wolf!au abo!dynamic omegaverse werewolfvshuman really weird but it's actually pretty cool. Baekhyun is an Omega parent in a really dangerous world and then things go from bad to worse.

The Politics of Romance (ChanBaek) - Royalty!au, politics, romance, really intense love relationship that is more love-hate. Arranged marriage, , , murder, the whole works.

I have something in the works for the EXO No Happy Ending fest this year. Hmmm what will it be....

 

Just...thanks everyone. What a cool experience. Expect me at BAE next year!!

And keep writing. Just keep writing. If you have something to write, do it. You can do it. Just breathe - it's all cool. Just remember to put your personal joy first, and when at all possible keep spreading the love. The world will keep spinning anyway, so let's try to make it a bright and loving place!

Lots of love,

from the bottom of my heart,

BlahRikeau