just like the title, can i make this blog section to me confide all my feelings? because i can not tell it to anyone. and this place is liek a perfect place to confide it all.
well, i did it already on my previous blogs. what i mean is, let me do this for the next blogs. i don't care if no one will read it. i just need to  spill it out. because i'm so stressed.

so, let me start it.

i.. need one full day off. or a week, or a month, or even a year off. to take a full time hibernation, to reset my mind or life if it could happen.
i'm.. just so tired.
i am not an employee of a normal company, nor a student, nor unemployee. i'm just nothing. and actually i'm not ruined because of it.
it's her. there's one person who mean a world to me, and that person, right now, is trying to destroy me. yet, i love her even more.
i know this is not right for us, but i can't help but love her.
once i was trying to let this all go but what i got was only pains. there was no happiness, i was so gloomy liek everyday, every time.
it's lasted few months and we're finally in touch again, and she said she want to try again for a week. i was so happy, so happy that i though it would last long if i try my best, so i did. i've tried my best to keep our relationship. but for her, that one week is for only a week. no more than that.
and tonight, she said it again, that she want to us to be apart. she said she want us to be just friend which is hard for me.
i know, i know it's nothing wrong to be just friend but how can? i love her so much, much more than just a friend. i want to be hers and i want her to be mine. i just.. i just love her so much.
even i know that our relationship is forbidden but i don't care. i don't care.
i felt so happy whenever i'm with her, it felt so comfortable around her, i just.. want to be with her.
i guess it is my fault who let my heart fell too deep. and now even deeper.
but, i love her. i just want to love her, peacefully, comfortably. like i used to. like we used to.
i really can't be just friend with her. it's so hard. i know, it takes time for me to get used to, but, i've tried it before and it wasn't work.
i need her. really need her.
and right now i feel so.. i don't know. feel like devastated, ruined. 
she told me she's going to think about it again, i don't know if i should trust her or not but i wish she's going to have a same thought as mine. i wish, i could get her back.
but if not, i don't know. i don't know.