I dont know what to do with myself. I just finish my first interview for college and it . I got so nervous that i ended up talking nonsense! And my father told me it was my fault because i didn't prepare for the unexpected call. (The interview were done thru phone) I'm feeling so down. People have a high expectation on me. I feel very uncomfortable with all the attention. Back in highschool, nobody cares about my studies and how well i did in school. I know my parents are proud of my good results that they started to pay attention but j just don't feel so good about it. I don't want them to care. Bc they will expect more from me when i can't give them enough. I dont really focus on my studies seriously, i spent most of my time with dramas, kshows and stuff. These bad habits are really hard to change so if they got me into a college to study a course that need a full attention in class, wahh i dont think i can do that. I'm easily distract with things going around me. I dont want to fail on the subjects and got dismiss but i don't think i'm ready for college life and i can't tell that to my parents either. THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!!!!! plus they will start comparing me with my sister saying "Your sister are even considering to take Master when we all know she isn't that bright. And you, a lucky girl who got the brain can be this careless?" I hate that! I really hate it when people said i'm smart, i got the brain or whatever. I'm not even that smart! I also need to study to get a good result ._. "Then why did you say you're not ready for college?" BECAUSE i only have to give 4/10 effort to pass all the subjects in highschool but 10/10 in college!! 10 people 10!! TT^TT I'm not as hard working as my sister, i'm VERY lazy! so i don't think i can do it... or maybe i do, just not now *_*