I actually feel dumb, stupid, idiotic or whatever you can call me names. I realise I was so narrow-minded and my brain seems to be so small and way of thinking is so sheltered. I'm too cocky.

There was actually two things that motivated/encouraged me to write my first fanfic on AFF, the first being, I was actually inspired by some authors and their works. I was actually fascinated with their imagination and their creative ideas that strung me along to their story. I actually stumbled back into AFF which I didn't use for a few years (I think) and was searching some Twice fanfics out of boredom, and bamm, tons of stories that I read and related which made feel good. It was an art, people that pool in their time and effort to satisfy their readers. I loved them and they actually inspired to me to create my own.

Another thing, was that I felt I could do better than the authors themselves. As in my stories could be much better with my grammar, sentence structures, ideas what you name it. It made me sort of wanted to create a better product than them. I actually felt so cocky about myself, thinking that a noobie that just got into writing and without any experience or practicing could do better than them. 

Subscribers count slowly went up and I thought to myself "hey, im actually doing well with my first story". I thought I was already better than them in sorts of areas, thats the extend of how proud and foolish I was, thinking subscribers count was everything. I made friends on AFF and twitter, also gaining some "followers and fans" in the process. It felt really good, like I was at the highest peak of the world as everyone kept boosting my ego. Ugh. I became so cope up with my ego that I didn't read other new works/existing works of other authors, I thought that I didn't need to improve more.

I was so wrong. My works are pale compared to other writers. My works are trash compared to them. The way that they made the readers around them so emotional (including me) and it was fantastic. Everything, subs, upvotes, comments, grammar, words, humour, realism...everything! My works are at the lowest level compared to them. It made me felt so ashamed of myself, making me sunk deep into my own shallowness. I realised I haven't opened my eyes fully and couldn't see the bigger world around me, the AFF world doesn't revolve around me. Cockiness was my downfall.

Of course I didn't wallow in my miserableness forever.

Ever since then, I've been writing to share my own experience now, about my own life. And I continue to read other works, to upgrade and improve my writing, listening to reader's suggestions and all. Story plot and all. I don't mind about my achievements so far anymore, as I continue to write and write, I feel what you would call, Passion? I think so. I love writing now. Although, the subs counts and comments does make me happy too when I see people enjoy my work that I pour my effort into. People's work constantly encourages me to do better and work harder. I want to move my viewers like how they move them with their words and art.

I meet people that becomes valuable friends throughout the experience. Although sometimes I still feel a bit cocky and I try to slap myself awake. I constantly read other good works to slowly wash away those unecessary thoughts.

Just a rant, I wanted to share what was on my mind. Don't know if anyone would read this but...yea. Peace out. Its 1.57 am ahahah.