hi guys!!!! lol what am i doing here, writing a blog, that probably no one is gonna read? anyway 

wait warnings! this is a rant, and i complain A LOT. if youre uncomfortable with pills and injections and diseases and such, go somewhere else??? anyway again

just wanna let everyone here know that today feels like hell cos its so hot in where i live and i just!!!! i just feel like not dealing with anything or anyone right now and its only 4pm but im already feeling dreadful for tomorrow....sobs

no one is probably gonna read this so i might as well tell a story (or how my life has been for the past few months i was gone)

let me start on how 2016 has been a real rollercoaster ride for me! YES and its one rollercoaster ride i never want to ride anymore like never ever never ever never i hate it SO MUCH LIKE ok calm down, self. so here it goes!

january: exoluxion!! yes for the first time in my entire exo-l life (3 or 4 yrs) i got to meet them at their concert sOBS it was beautiful, pictures will never do them justice and its two of the best night of my life EVER yes 

february: idk nothing significant happened except i participated in a blood letting program in schl WCHICH LBR i felt so hero-ey ?? anyway atleast donating blood means i get to give help to someone who needs it......

april: OK WE HAD AN IMPORTANT TEST AND GUESS WHAT yes i failed i was so devastated and downhearted about it but yknow its ok cos i got to transfer to my DREAM UNI lol i was heartbroken but i never gave up? i mean, its okay to fail, just dont let it pull u down

may: had a temporary work and it was legit boring i wanted to punch my superiors faces for being so arrogant and like you adults think u know everything when in fact you only know (kidding! or not)

july: i got sick like you know the normal cough and cold and fever and i tot it was going away with enough rest and water and meds BUT YES it did not it worsen like and im so ing miserable about it but you know i have to stay strong else its gonna be bad

october: remember when i got sick on july? my medicine or my treatment is only for 6 months. so supposedly, i'll be finished with my meds and monthly check ups on january....BUT YES midway my disease worsened.....so imagine youre in a car with boring people, but then one of the boring people has stinky feet and bad choice of music ! and you have to endure the car ride for another 10 hours! yes imagine that scenario but instead of stinky feet and bad choice of music, i have 13 pills to intake (EVERYDAY) and 156 days of injection all for 18 months! 

SO BASICALLY, i am really sick right now, and i hate how i have to drink tons of meds for 18 months, and had to endure that ing injection everyday for 6 months! honestly, this is so amazing i almost wanna cry

anyway fast forward to march, today, march 24 2017, 4:15pm, im almost only a month away until i finish my injection but i still have 12 months of medication (yes that 13 pills!) i actually drink 9 pills as of the moment every morning cos we all know how antibiotics have side effects and one set of med, the other four, when not balanced out with my diet, may cause gout or i forgot but it produces crystals on my joints blah blah so it hurts like ! yes, its cute right? how at my age (im only 19 for s sake), i experience pain on my knees, elbows, shoulders i mean every joint in my body hurts a lot!!!! like a lot!!! but thats not all!!!

i also dont go to school at the moment....afraid of risking my health and other people's health :c its sad cos i only have 2 years ;eft before i graduate university and this is what i get.....

anyway, this is very long and honestly this i s just a rant and how im so so so sos tired, like what ive told u isnt even half of what happened to me and i just wish to go back in time where i was healthy and happy! cos right now, im completely the opposite. i look fine outside but inside, i just wanna di e? i cant do this anymore but y know i have to stay strong....I JUST IMS OS SO SO TIRED OK i want that normal life again i dont want this idek what i did wrong to be so sick like this LIKE NO ONE DESERVES THIS NO ONE DESERVES THIS FEELING OF NOT WANTING TO GET UP EVERY MORNING OR FEELING LIKE I HAVE TO VOMIT EVERYTHING INSDIE MY TUMMY JUST COS MY TUMMY IS ACTING UP im just tired ok yall im just tired :C" 

someone told me God let this ahppen for a reason and maybe that reason is that he hates me so much he wanted me to go through this LOL im just joking BUT :c 

thats all! 

hope yall have a nice day and i hope none of my ranting made you feel bad for me cos i dont need it! and im soryr if this somewhat made you uncomfortable! lol its not like anyone is gonna read this????

anyway good day!! and i love you!!! ok!!!