Staying in Closet
I feel like I have been doing so many life posts these days. Goodness...my life shouldn't be this interesting.
I guess this is a follow-up post to one I did earlier? I am not sure, but it relates to another blog post.
I am also not sure why I really like expressing my burdens on AFF...well you readers/friends are the best listeners and give such amazing advice so I will continue to do this if you don't mind reading :)
So this is a continuation post in a way that I expressed me (a girl) is more into girls than guys. I really really wish I could be more into guys because being in a happy relationship would be a lot easier that way. I have met some really amazing guys over the years but I can't find myself attracted to them. My brain and heart are stupid. I could be married or in a strong relationship by now if this attraction to girls thing didn't get in the way.
Taeyeon might have ruined me too.
Anyway, I was talking to my mom and she said people being gay and all is fine if it isn't my child.
I am so screwed.
After her saying that, I feel like I am trapped in this box with thorns on each side. Inside, I am hurting myself by not being happy with relationships I get into [with men] but the outside is just as hurtful to my parents and such if I open the box and tell them what I really want.
I feel forever trapped.
It and I dont know what to do. I am tired of dating because my parents push me to. I would rather be single than go out trying to date. Then again, what if I find a partner that I really want to be with, would I have the courage to break down my walls and face those needles that harm my parents?
I am not proactive in finding a female companion either (I still think I am going to be single and not settle down my whole life).
To sum it up, my mom really hurt me. Made me think she will never understand me. I am afraid to make her understand me too.
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