This is a blog post to consolidate my thoughts after watching the concert dvd of HYYH On Stage Epilogue. I only watch concerts for my favs, and although I think I've watched HYYH On Stage p2 and Red Bullet before, I don't remember penning down my thoughts, so I want a record today.

This will be a very messy post though, a mix of rational analysis and emotional , you're warned. It also contains about 20-30% of non-bangtan material lol.

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The concert, in general, was amazing. All songs of the HYYH era were performed, and some of their older title tracks and other more special songs. The performance was amazing, their energy was unbelievable. Maybe I'm a little too used to Super Shows haha, it's been quite a while since I watched a concert this dance-intensive because as SJ gets older their concerts are increasingly centered on the themes of gagcon and minimal formal choreos, so yeah this was refreshing. 

The the arena triggers a lot of memories. The Gymnastics Stadium huh. If I remembered right, DBSK was one of the first artists to perform there for the 1st Asia Song Festival. It was their first stop for the Mirotic tour. SJ has had their Super Shows there since 2010 (SS3-6), they were 13 on the stage before though, during the earlier SM Towns. DBSK was 5 on that stage before, and when the duo came back the Catch Me tour was there too, Junsu has been there as both a soloist and a musical actor. It has always been a meaningful stage. My favs have once been complete there. They've performed in varying size and identity there.

But above that, it's a prestigious stage. Yoongi said that it was their dream stage pre-debut. And they made it there.

 

I cried twice. Once was during Young Forever. I started crying from the second verse of Namjoon's rap. Here's the thing about stanning a group early. You are mostly able in pace with their stuff, so you know what those lyrics mean, the dates and the details - I started stanning DBSK & SJ late as compared to their debut years, and it's been a struggle to catch up with the portion of their struggles that I'd missed out on. Young Forever is one of those songs that speaks genuine feels of bangtan, and I can sort of understand that fear. I was crying throughout the rap, and throughout the campfire sort of singing. And wow when the fans are waving banners that read "forever your audience" I just-

The second moment was when Yoongi cried in the end. I was emotional since I Need U started playing. From the start when BTS didn't sing and we sang instead, in a slower tempo. I Need U will always be a special song to me, that was when I first started to really consider stanning bangtan, for no reason, just because I really liked that song. INU is probably the song most special to Bangtan, as they said so themselves on the recent Gayo track 10. That was when HYYH started, isn't it. When the performance is over and the band is still jamming INU in the back and bangtan's just walking around waving and all, then yoongi finds where his parents are sitting and knelt down in that direction I'm just- Like I've seen fancams of it many months ago but it's a different case after watching the 3 hours of concert. 

I wasn't very affected when bangtan sang Miss Right. Maybe because I'm beyond the maturity period to fall into that kind of love. I'm not their Miss Right. I'm not 14 now, I've had those days and that position is filled up by the dual colours of sapphire blue and pearl red. Almost 7 years have passed and Marry U is still the fastest working tear bomb, although those people are almost 10 years older than me. I'm 19 now, mature enough to never fantasize about being the idol's miss right. 

 

The members gave their individual speech before the encore stage. This is my favourite section of the HYYH On Stage series, a time for Bangtan to share with us their thoughts about HYYH, for us to understand them better. So I'll go in order.

Hoseok says, happiness is in the small things. He recounts their achievements. He mentioned about the eye contact he shared with Namjoon before the stage, and how they've pulled through for the 7 years like wow (94line is just more lowkey than 95 kay). He pledges to show us something more, and yes Hoseok, you've already been doing that in wings with the intro, and I look forward to your mixtape. He says, "thank you for being part of my youth and my most beautiful moments of life", and I want to say the same, Hoseok-ah.

Taehyung admits to losing because he cried during Young Forever lol. He keeps saying that this feels like a dream. Honestly it must have really felt like one for them. The stage that seems so beyond their reach stood right below them now.

Yoongi says preparing for this concert made him think about the time when he first started doing music, how he had performed in front of an audience of 2 in Daegu. And that he's never performed for his parents because he thought its embarrassing. He says, "I think I've finally became a son that to be proud of". I think that was the first time Yoongi's father came to their concert, he's always been against Yoongi's dream and I think his support means a lot to Yoongi. No I'm not crying. Go away. 

If Yoongi's speech made me wanna cry Jimin's speech made me go incredibly soft. He starts off thanking the people: bang PD, the producers, the concert directors, the staff members, back up dancers, and in particular one detail that moved me was how he actually named everyone in the band. That was something I've rarely seen artists doing (Tohoshinki does that, because they've worked with the band for a really long time). This guy is just so sweet I can't?? And then he took a step back to look at all s and solemnly says their name in sequence, and says thank you. That he had so many inadequate areas and how the members helped him. I think Jimin is exceptionally sensitive about this because he's the last member to join the BTS lineup and has the least training, he's probably been really bothered because despite that he got a lot (arguably one of the most) attention and spotlight with his high notes and abs. He's always been someone who seeks his own imperfections more clearly than his strengths (his logs speak a lot about his insecurities, particularly towards his singing), although he's great at portraying a completely different self on stage. Fml this guy I wish he could see himself through our eyes for once.

Jin speaks about how he's always wondered what it would be like if the entire arena is filled with army bombs instead of a mix of different fandoms during end of year festivals with a lot of artists, and how it feels like to have your seniors from your own company to come down and cheer for you. He says he's satisfied both. I'm glad we could do that for you, Seokjin ah.

Jungkook shared a little bit of himself, how meeting bangtan changed him from the indifferent 15 year old. Basically the story told in Begin haha. Glad he ended up sharing the story with us :)

And finally Namjoon. The first words he said was "bangtan syeoneondan" and idk it sounds different when its namjoon saying it. Perhaps because he's the first member in the lineup. He thanks the members, saying he's not the easiest person to be around with the mood swings and all (a quick way to see that is how he literally went from "i wish i could love myself" in reflection to "i love, i love myself" in cypher 4 and there was only 3 tracks in between lol). He says that HYYH previously had no meaning, but through the one year of promotion, we added our own meaning to it. That while they've inspired us, we've also inspired them. He's so introspective I love <3

 

And the interview VCR. In the front part, we can clearly divide the members into 3 groups according to their attitude towards HYYH. Namjoon, Yoongi and Jungkook all believe that there is much more beyond, this isn't the most beautiful moment yet, you can sort of say they have more 'greed' for success and want to climb to greater heights. Seokjin, Hoseok and Taehyung think it's already HYYH now, and hopes it will continue to be, in other words they are content but looks forward to more of HYYH. Jimin stands in the third group alone, he thinks that this indeed is the best, most beautiful moment in his life so far, and he doesn't talk about the future and is rather content with now. 

It's the second part of the interview that interests me more. When the staff pretends to end the session, dims the spotlight when the PD asks, ___ah, when do you this this HYYH will end? The answers that the members gave are a lot more genuine here, a lot less scripted for me. 

All members showed understanding that this moment (or this fame, in other words) won't last forever. Which I believe is a good thing, that they are aware of this, I mean. I was afraid some may share delusions of some in the fandom. In fact I'm still scared about that now, especially with the group achieving greater heights with WINGS. 

Anyways. They have that common understanding, but each member see it differently. This is where it gets interesting. You can see how each member is different here.

Namjoon is philosophical. Talks of ambivalence and reflections, especially given his role as group leader, how will the team deal with that. He says sure, he fears the downhill to come, but he will seek value during that period and go back up.

Yoongi believes the best is yet to come, if you go down, you'll go up and go even higher than previously, so he'll be cool and accept it when they go downhill. Or at least, "he hope that he can be like that".

Jungkook says he hasn't actually thought about it, but if the HYYH comes to an end, he'll spend time doing the small things he's wanted to do (learning instruments, painting, improving his dancing and singing etc).

Seokjin says it's scary to think that one day they might lose all that they've built so far, but he thinks another HYYH will come along.

Hoseok admits to fearing the uncertain future and greater obstacles to come, of the future moments that "doesn't shine as much as they do now", but he thinks he can find a HYYH within that. He also stressed that he's certain BTS, as a group, can overcome that.

Taehyung says he'd look back at the HYYH: the fun, proud, happy moments. And he'll reflect on the moments that he regret to not repeat them. That he'll improve himself to get another HYYH.

Jimin says he's always believed that his HYYH can only be determined by himself, because different people value different things even under the same situation. He says he'll find a different kind of HYYH if this one ends.

 

From the 7 different answers, can you see the difference in their values? Sorta?

Namjoon, as the philosophical, introspective one, seeks value in a downfall. At the same time, since he's the leader, he's always worrying about the future, how the members would take it and how he's to lead them back up. His answer is interesting, because he takes on two identities.

Yoongi, who expressed the most 'greed' among the 7 of them, dreams of greater heights behind a downfall. I'm not sure how much of his certainty is forced though. His answer makes me curious, because I think he has a lot more insecurities that he isn't showing. I think he may actually have considerations of what he'll do if BTS disbands, because he spoke of BTS as one of those mountains in life. 

Jungkook, the youngest, shows least thought about the future. He is about not wasting time to cry over the ending HYYH, instead wants to use the freed up time to do things that he's always wanted to. There's no goal though, no mentions of going back up. His answer is interesting, because I've always thought Jungkook was the really competitive one, can't handle failure etc, but he shows surprising insights about how he'll allocate time, and there is a level of self-fulfillment and improvement going on, although he hasn't thought of what's after, but I think he would be preparing himself for what it takes to reach his next goal.

Seokjin expresses fear, but hope as well. His answer shows very little plans, either that or his thoughts were reserved before the camera.

Hoseok's answer is one of the most surprising for me. He is clear-headed and practical about the future. Just like Namjoon, he seeks value ("find a HYYH within that downfall"). He's also the only one who explicitly stressed that BTS as a group can pull through, that was something I was expecting more from Namjoon actually. 

Taehyung gave a deeper answer than I expected, I think he was really quite affected by the 'loser' incident. He's the only one who explicitly mentioned about looking back on the HYYH, I'm frankly quite amazed at how strong he must be (although how he handled his beloved grandma's passing showed me a glimpse of his mental strength).

Jimin's answer was a little vague but I agree with him. That your HYYH is only defined by yourself. He'll find a different kind of HYYH - kind of similar to finding a value in the downfall like Namjoon and Hoseok. 

 

I grouped them with the following table based on the 3 aspects: Do they show the act of self-reflection (eg look back at past days, getting something out of the downfall etc)? Do they have a goal in mind (eg there will be another hyyh, i will do better etc)? Do they have a plan as of what they would do during the period of time (eg improve self, working with team etc)?

reflection | goal | plan | member

yes | yes| yes| Namjoon, Taehyung

yes | yes | ? | Hoseok

yes | ? | no | Jimin

no | yes | yes| Yoongi

no | yes | no | Seokjin

no | no | yes | Jungkook

 

Okay I wasn't expecting myself to go so in-depth trying to analyse the members, it was supposed to be a post of me wowing bangtan's achievements so far for their humble roots and that its a fresh experience for me to stan them. But okay that went a little off track lol.