I wish I was heartless
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling like I couldn't breathe. I calmed myself down, fell back asleep, and this process repeated multiple times. Today's morning was much the same.
Recently I've just constantly been on the brink of crying, all hours of the day. Over just... nothing. It's stupid and I hate it. I can't think about anything, I have to just blast my brain with stimulation, reading, music, youtube, anything. Because anytime I don't have anything to think about, it feels like I've been holding my breath for a solid minute and like I'm choking on air.
It's so stupid, and I hate all of this. Why can't I just be happy? I'm on antidepressants that have worked great before, and I've never really even had a solid anxiety problem, so what the is this? It's all bull. I wish I didn't have any feelings, and that I didn't care about anything. That's the image I project, and usually it's somewhat true. But the past week or so, everything has been stupid. Bull, all of it. I wish my feelings would just off.
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