I'm afraid

I have a really deep concern about something and I couldn't find a courage to share with anyone else, but decided to let it out in here. It is because it not easy to bear with it all alone.

Its been a while since I have this feeling, but I chose to ignore it before until recently because it's getting worse over time.

I might suffer with a disease which is a auto immune disease that run in the family. My elder brother has been diagnosed with that disease long time ago when he was about my age. Even with medications to slow down the reaction, his own body immune system has been attacking the joints causing severe inflammation. It makes him to be in constant pain and not being able to stand, walk or do daily stuffs normally. There's no cure for it.

I think I'm showing similar clinical signs as what he had back then. I keep it a secret from my family especially my mother. This is partly because I don't want her to worry about me. Enough with the shock she went through after I lost my eldest sister and her 4 month old son in a horrifying car accident 3 months ago and she's now carrying the responsibility to take care of 2 of my late sis's children.

 And also, I'm too afraid to go to the doctor and get apropiate check up to confirm the diagnosis. I did alot of reading about the disease and its condition. I studied and now working in medical field and so everything that I've read seems to fit the puzzle that I'm possibly having this disease too. It's just that I'm too afraid to face the possible truth and how it might change my life after this.

Honestly I am terrified.

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Eririn #1
It's never easy to have to face a medical issue especially when it's your own. Although it's scary to find out the truth, it is better in the long run. At least you can know your options and decide on the most appropriate. You are afraid and helpless at this point so having family or close friends by your side to give you support would help. Please stay strong and all of us will pray for you.
Jeongyeonproperty #2
first u shld go and see a doc just to make sure.
sec have faith and don't be afraid , please take care of your self & u'll be fine bbe
SR_Serenity #3
Hey, I hope you're still doing fine with those things. And don't keep it, it's better to consult a doctor so you will get better. Take care always. Stay safe and stay strong. You will be alright :)
Lubov17 #4
It's okay to be terrified. It's okay to fear it, but that doesn't mean that you cannot fight it and face whatever you got to face. It doesn't mean that you are not strong and full of courage.

I wish for you, most of all, strength for your heart and your mind and support with your family. Whatever decision you take and whatever the result from that is, keep in mind, that life is strange and you never actually know what is ahead. Love yourself, love your family and keep trusting your will, keep trusting yourself. The mind is a powerful weapon.

Please, take care.
chomi0815 #5
Please stay strong. I know that it's hard for you and the fear of facing the truth is adding to your worries. If you continue on thinking and worrying I'm afraid that it will hurt you more so I hope you can stay strong. Courage is really needed during this times so I hope that we can at least give you a bit of courage. In the end you're the one who's going to make the decision but I hope you will stay strong and fight. Please have some strength. OTL
blackoala #6
Oh, im sorry :(
NotRong43 #7
I'm very sorry to hear that!
sleepingprince #8
I think its best if you can consult a doctor and do a full body check up . Its not easy to accept something like that but I think at times like this you need to be more brave and optimistic. Seek for second opinion as well if u can just double check and make sure things . Stay positive and hopefully its not like what u think it is . Better to have it check than to worry constantly.
crazygamelover #9
im so sorry to hear that chak.
but i think its best if u go to check it at the hospital as soon as possible.
either if its true or not, it is best for you to find out asap.
once again, im sorry to hear that. i hope its not true.
pls take care of yourself, and dont overwork.
purpleclipse #10
It has to be hard for you, omg
But it would be better to go to the doctor,it would be better if there is an early diagnosis than a late one. I know you are afraid, I'd be too in your place. But think of yourself first and really go sure if you're infected as well or not.
If the worst case comes up and you are infected, what I seriously hope not to happen, don't crawl into your bed and hide away. Enjoy your life as long as possible. And even if the worst case doesn't come up, enjoy your life as well and don't go hard on yourself.
Pinkpanda419 #11
In times like this, optimism is always the best solution. It is still a much better option to visit the doctor and check it. Who knows, it might not actually be what you might think. But, prevention is better than cure. If you don't check it, it might even get worse and put you at a greater risk so even though you may feel afraid, stay positive and believe for the better.
I hope for the best for you :)
6Pikachu #12
Even though I understand that it's scary, but I guess you should still have a check up and confirm it, if in any case it really is, it would be better to get medication since you can slow it down instead of letting it worsen at original speed. And if you didn't check it, you will keep worrying about it.

If it runs in the family, I guess your parents would be a little prepared for it already, and they can give you support if you need :)

I hope that you will go for a check up, hope for the best for you. (Well, I'll provide mental support if you need)
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