Okay, so hello people. I don't know how to start. It became very awkward now that i'm back after exactly 5 years leaving kpop world, fanfic and whatsoever.

Let me explain. (long content major warning. Do not read unless you got nothing to do)

On the year 2012, i had this major change in my life. It was like a step-up staircase, from childhood to a teenager life. I entered a fully residential boarding school and yes, i was very excited to be able to stay in such an elite schoool, (probably the first-rank in my state). people says it was the best school, but really, it wasn't, to me, at least. 

after few months i had just realised that yeah, sure, it was not a mistake to enter this kind of school but rather, a major change for me since i had just recenly gotten used to that state after being forced to moved from another state. and it was just horrible, for me. I suffered from depression, anxiety, and i had no friends, nobody to help me.

There, looks play an important role. and yeah, socialising skills too. You would have really hard time adapting in it unless, you have a cute boyfriend, good looks, rich, and talks a lot. People won't look at you eventhough you're confident and nice just because you do not have the ideal body shape. I had a really bad time, adapting myself for the first few couple of months, until, i joined a music club. more like an orchestra. Instantly, i became a band geek.

I was very grateful that at least, i had a place where everyone accepted me, realise my talents and had something in common. I was in the percussion section and it was really fun eventhough i got scolded a lot of time (and being cussed at too XD). and on my last year in band, i was the leader of the section. I had a very enjoyable time and only in band, people would accept me. So mainly the reason why i completed my 5 years there was all because of music. I would not survive without it.

I used to be an average kid with average results, not too bad and not to good either. I don't take studies seriously, until, i was forced to stay in the last class. The people there was just.. wrong. I was ostracised, again, being look down upon by teachers and people from higher classes. The mentality of people there is just plain SICK. This happended when i was 15 years old. At this point, looks doesn't really matter but in this class, unless you're pretty, you would be ostracised.

So again, i ALMOST fell into depression, until my maths teacher said something like this 

"Whatever class you're in, you can succeed, i believe that,"

Probably, just probably, i was the only one who took that advice to heart. He was the best maths teacher i ever had. He made maths so fun that can totally change my perception on maths from an ANTI-Maths to a pro-maths-lover. I got highest in maths in class, almost  perfect score (curse the negative and positive symbols i always forget them). Starting from that point on, I worked really hard, despite being pushed away, and got first-class ranks after examinations.

Not everyone was bad in that class, some guys were really close to me that people would get jealous of me (cause there's this particularly good looking guy had really built body and a square jaw so). Well, that was just because we both were in band, and he is my neighbour. People thought we were dating, but really, we're not. He was just my best friend and i would never think of him other than that, until now (yet people keep misunderstanding us)

That year, we had this huge diagnostic test for all 3rd years all over the country and it was a mess, really. The authorities kept on making changes here and there on the formats of the examination (which was supposed to be fixed minths earlier) until the very last minute. And i got decent marks for all of the subject, except one.

As soon as the results came out, I shut myself in a room, completely depressed. Because in this school, grades are always important. Let me tell you why. Shortly after, there was an ocassion, to celebrate people with excellent results where they got luxury items like, a laptop, ipad, hampers and some other stupid s that i'm dying to get. And, those who didn't get decent result, would just be the helpers of the ocassion, either cleaning the hall, handing out flyers, or some just didn't get to join at all. They stay in their own class, doing whatever. and I was one of them only that i was absent on that very day due to a school trip to Indonesia (to clear my messy head with my friends and some of the teachers) which was far more interesting.

What i'm trying to say that, life in a boarding school was really hard for me. 

And thankfully, i managed to survive until the very last year in there. I graduated peacefully without any discipline cases. One thing for sure is that, my last year in school was probably the best year. I was placed in a class, with positive and fun people around me who always give support and encouragements whenever i'm down. Who always lend me a shoulder for me to cry on. They were very fun, not like some of the people that i've met before. I was placed in the very best class and they, indeed were very intelligent, I felt pressured at first but later, i got comfortable with them. They never left me out me or do things that were mean to me. They were my BAES and i had a very fun year, indeed. We went for a trip as one class and really enjoyed having fun together.

That made myself glad, for not giving up during those 5-years journey. Or else, i would never realise that there were some good people still, in this cruel world.

Anyways, i think i've strayed too far. The thing is that i was too focused on life and academics and we dont have internet there (where i could browse freely) whch clarify why i haven't updated my fics in a longggggggggggg time so i hope you bear with me. New fics are coming, don't worry. Let me refresh my thoughts back on the kpop world and keep myself updated after 5 years of hiatus and no kpop, there had been so many changes nowdays that i don't event know if my favorite group (super junior) is still standing or not and i need to get to know some major groups too like bts, exo and others (call me noob, i still don't have the idea who the members are).

So please, give me some time to get used to this website and fanfics after so long (i somehow got confused), figuring out things and be in contact with my long lost fanfic friends. (Sabrina, I'm talking to you ;D)

Oh yeah, I know this post looks kind of boring with no colours and all, please forgive me, i'm still tryingto figure out how to like, make it creative like i used to do before. (i think my creativity died after being tramatised with those 5 years experience). 

that's it for now, peace out~