Chapter 55: Mending

At the end of the last chapter, Pete was knocked down on just about every level.  Aside from being physically pushed to the floor, he was emotionally confronted by the deep-seated unconscious fear that his parents don’t love him for who he truly is.  That’s enough to send anyone to bed in tears, let alone a sensitive teenager coming to grips with himself.  The title of this chapter is not to be taken literally because the mending to which it refers is not an event, but a process, and for Pete, it is going to be a gradual one.  He does make progress in this chapter but, the search for a solution will rely on the most beneficial circumstances presenting themselves, and Pete acting on such opportunities with strength and conviction.

The next morning finds our hero still overwhelmed by the events of the previous night.  It is only Earn’s imminent return that gives him focus and purpose as he quickly showers and tries to pull himself together.  His anger at himself and his parents is keenly felt as he punches the shower walls but, he remains focused on meeting the boy he loves and his parents who accept them as a couple.  The contrast to his own parents could not be drawn any starker when Pete emerges from his room and they all but ignore him.  He finds the atmosphere suffocating and vows that the words spoken the previous night won’t be erased no matter how much they act like it didn’t happen.  He gets into his car and texts Por when he gets to Earn’s house, then sits down to listen to music and drown out his sorrows while he waits.  A screech of tires pulls Pete to his feet and he quickly wipes his welled up eyes and pats down his clothes.  Earn jumps from the car even before it has come to a full stop and rushes to throw his heavy arms around him.  The warm embrace bathes Pete in what feels like a white light compared to what he’s recently been through, and his tears flow as he whispers to Earn that he missed him.  Pete reflects on Earn and his family in contrast to his own and finds it hard to believe that Earn’s parents are the best of friends with his own.  The aura in Earn’s home is warm and inviting and Pete enjoys hearing the stories from their trip to visit family and friends in Chiang Mai making Pete feel envious.

Por finally materializes, so the three of them drag all of Earn’s things up to his room while Por complains about the task.  When Earn threatens to withhold souvenirs, Por retracts his complaints before running out to use the bathroom.  The next thing Pete knows, Earn has tackled him in a warm embrace onto the bed, addressing him as Penguin.  Pete confusedly responds to his Panda’s sudden actions and Earn tells him that he missed him while resting his head onto Pete’s chest.  Earn apologizes if the vacation stories made Pete feel that he wasn’t missed but Pete is puzzled.  Earn observes that Pete seemed quiet while they talked about the trip before noting that he wanted to come home to Pete after the first day in Chiang Mai.  As much as Pete wants to clear the air and explain his mood, he decides to tell Earn that he was just glad they were back and was so interested in the conversation he simply wanted to listen.  When Earn follows up with a, ‘Really?’ in response, Pete gives him a reassuring reply along with a forced smile.  They exchange their love for each other just before Por re-enters and apologizes for interrupting and then makes a rude joke about telling them to get a room.  Earn makes an equally bad joke suggesting Por’s potential desire to join them but Pete whacks Earn on the head while scolding him.  Por tells Earn he thinks he should leave but, Earn tells him he was only kidding, and Pete warns that he better be kidding. 

The boys then hatch a plan to go out and eat and play DOTA but, Earn first wants to shower and reminds them of their video chat with Card.  Earn asks Pete if he wants to join him in the shower but Pete declines.  It’s then Por’s turn to suggestively proclaim he needs a shower too, but Pete threatens them both for teasing him.  Before hitting the shower, Earn launches his laptop and signs in.  Por talks smack about Earn’s slow laptop and although Por is a bit overdressed, and a bit overheated as a result, Pete lies to him about the air conditioning being on the blink.  Por consequently removes his shirt, and Pete does same while fanning himself to make his ruse more credible.  When Earn returns from his long shower, he asks why they are both shirtless and Por’s face goes sour after learning that Pete was lying to him all along.  While the room cools, they receive an alert that Card is online and respond immediately.  Upon seeing his three shirtless friends, Card expresses concern that he answered the wrong call.  Pete asks what he means but Card just tells them to look at themselves.  Por doesn’t get it, so Earn explains that it looks like they just had an while slapping Por on the head.  Card then wonders aloud how much money he could make if he screenshot the call and gets a unanimous death threat from the three boys.  They then remind him that they have dirt on him too and Por comes up with a picture on his phone and comments how much Card at card games.  This gets a stammer and blush from Card after seeing the picture where he’s shown covering his lower regions during the strip poker game they all played with Lhew and her friends.  With a stalemate reached, they lapse into the normal routine of their calls.  They go on for a couple of hours and when Pete notices Card’s attention shift to something in the corner of his screen, he figures it’s Lhew calling so Pete makes a suggestion they go eat and play some DOTA and they wind down the call.

Pete begins the chapter pretty much where the prior chapter left off but, once he escapes his home environment and reunites with Earn, his emotions stabilize and improve.  Sure he’s a little weepy at first, but who wouldn’t be when reuniting with the person they love after being separated for a week.  He actually gets a decent enough hold on his emotions to resist blurting out what happened at the first opportunity, and he even manages to play a prank on Por (as lame as it was) which I think is a generally good sign.  The three friends are about to go eat and play games and all, and yes, Pete will use the social outing to distract himself from his troubles, but this is all normal coping behavior, and for someone who thinks way too much about things, this is a sign of progress (however small).

They take Pete’s car to Siam Paragon while Por texts their friends to join them.  Earn even gets Pete to join him in singing along to the music they’ve got playing, and Pete admits it’s making him feel a thousand times better under the circumstances.  They enter the mall, choose a place to eat and reserve a couple of tables.  After getting some orders in, they wait for their friends to begin showing up, but it doesn’t take long before Tee shows up welcoming Earn back to town and calling him Panda.  Earn makes sure Tee knows that the nicknames are not public property as he greets his friend.  When Por indicates he’s going to call Josie, Pete warns him as Hack and Dirk approach, and Dirk is once again annoyed by Hack’s familiarity with the older boys.  Earn expresses a desire for a DOTA rematch and Dirk confidently accepts but becomes alarmed when he’s told by Por that Hack will be playing on the team with Earn, Pete, and himself.  Dirk starts to whine about who will be on his team if Hack plays with them, but Rad, Kal, Choi, and Odd interrupt the conversation with their noisy arrival.  Pete answers Dirk’s whining question by indicating that these new arrivals will be his teammates and Choi, having obviously having heard the end of their conversation, assures Dirk that they’ll be victorious.  Earn expresses a coy skepticism as he throws an arm around Pete and announces to the other two boys that the losers pay for food and drinks after the games end.  Choi confidently shakes on the bet before learning from Odd that their team only won the last round because they were going easy on them.  Choi shrugs off the warning and expresses confidence in the outcome.  Pete immerses himself in the social gathering and manages to relieve some of the pressure in his head, but while physically present, he’s still mentally divided. 

After a couple hours of play, the game ends and they head to a bar ready to party.  Pete immediately orders a slew of drinks followed by Earn ordering platters of food.  Por and Tee also want certain things ordered, but get cut off when Dirk wants a say over what’s ordered since his team is paying.  Choi begs for mercy too, with back-up support from Odd.  It’s Kal and Rad who scold them and reinforce that a deal is a deal, then remind them that team Earn paid for more than half the bill at the restaurant they ate at before the game and they didn’t complain.  Dirk mutters that he blames Hack and the two begin to bicker while Por butts in.  While this is going on, Pete gets a text and pulls out his phone to see a message from his parents.  Earn asks him if he’s going to reply but Pete masks his distress and tells him it’s not important.  Earn persists and Pete reluctantly concedes.  As he reads through the text, he feels stabs to his heart because the message is not angry or condescending like he expected, but totally devoid of emotion at all.  They merely want to know where he is and if he’s coming home; questions that provide him no idea about their emotional state.  He admits that he wants to be justified in how he feels but, without any concrete knowledge, he can’t logically do so.  He ends up responding in kind, telling him he’s sleeping at Earn’s and will be home early for cram school, then promptly turns off his phone.

With the arrival of the alcohol, the drinking begins in earnest with Pete downing his first shot, making the decision to forget his problems and have fun with his friends.  The night begins in a collegial fashion but eventually someone brings up the topic of s*x and some unexpected things are learned.  Rad and Kal actually have girlfriends, but as Seniors, keep everything low-key while they focus on their studies.  Odd and Choi are aggressive girl chasers, and don’t want to be tied down although, they are open to having girlfriends.  Por and Tee are both in relationships, but couldn’t be more different.  Por is wild and p*rverted and Tee is mature and conservative.  The only thing they share in common is that their girlfriends dig that Pete and Earn are a couple.  The conversation eventually points toward Pete and Earn, and they deal with it by answering their questions and enduring the teasing.  When the conversation swings toward of how open they are with regards to family, Por quickly senses Pete’s panic and changes the focus of the conversation to Hack and Dirk with penetrating interrogatories.  Pete breathes relief and mentally thanks his crass friend.  The night winds down and everyone heads their separate ways fairly intoxicated.  The bar isn’t far from Earns house and once inside Earn’s cool bedroom, Pete is hit with a pair of warm lips. 

The detail in this sequence might seem indulgent and unnecessary but, it really serves the purpose of letting Pete find a refuge from his internal angst.  It also shows us that while he is only partly successful in forgetting his troubles, he is able, through this day of friends, games, and social interaction, to prevent his angst from consuming him completely.  And let’s face it, we have all lived through stressful and traumatic experiences and have used the outside world like a lifeline in just such a manner; immersing ourselves in routine and benign situations while trying to distract our attention away from our troubles even as we catch our thoughts circling back to them again and again.  Pete’s experience during this afternoon rings exceptionally true when seen from that angle. 

Reacting to the unexpected kiss, Pete half speaks Earns name in surprise but Earn simply tells Pete that he really missed him.  Pete replies in kind, allowing their intimacy to center him.  They exchange a few words, remove a few clothes, and fall onto Earn’s bed.  As Pete looks deeply into Earn’s eyes, his pent up emotions return, and though he’s avoided them the entire day, he’s completely worn out.  On the edge of divulging everything, at first he can only tell Earn he loves him.  Earn replies with his own declaration of love as their lips reconnect for a passionate kiss.

While still in Earn’s warm embrace, Pete hears his beloved lispy voice ask if he’s okay.   Pete tells him yeah, it’s just that they hadn’t done it in a while.  Earn explains that’s not what he meant, and ends up telling Pete that he hasn’t quite been himself; he’s been very quiet lately.  Pete tries to deny Earn’s point by declaring how talkative he’s been but Earn clarifies that he’s seemed distant.  Pete asks him to explain what he means and Earn notes that when not directly engaging with him, Pete carries a hurt expression.  Pete tries to blame it on being absorbed in cram school, and even when challenged, Pete sticks to this evasion.  Finally, Earn mentions the topic they were discussing before he left and points out that Pete hasn’t even mentioned it once while he was in Chiang Mai.  Pete persists in his deflection, but Earn looks into his eyes and asks if something happened while he was gone.  In his silence, Pete is hit by a wave of emotion since his façade has been aimed at preventing Earn from worrying.  Even as Pete stammers to answer, Earn asks if he told them.  Pete takes a deep breath and gives an affirmative nod. Earn next asks if they took the news well, but Pete’s welled up eyes and negative shaking, explain it all to Earn who gently pulls Pete into a hug as tears fall onto his shoulder.

This tender scene continues but I want to make a comment at what has transpired up to this point.  We have just seen that in spite of Pete’s concerted attempt to keep Earn from learning about his parent’s negative reaction, he cannot keep the fallout concealed.  I have mentioned Earn’s intuitive nature in many earlier comments but here is a prime example of how it works and guides Earn through life.  His “emotional radar” directs him toward the subtlest changes in Pete’s usual demeanor even if he doesn’t yet grasp how it all fits together.  This ability makes complete sense when considering how close they are, although it could be asked why Earn is now perceptive of Pete’s emotional state but wasn’t earlier in the novel when they had their big fight.  The key difference is that Earn is not on the defensive like he was during their fight.  In the current circumstance, he’s approaching Pete from a neutral perspective with an outlook of engagement.  His is seeing the person he loves with clarity and he’s tuned in an outward direction.  When Earn’s intuition guides him toward the cause of Pete’s emotional state, he gives voice to the dark truth Pete cannot bring himself to share because of the pain it will create for both of them.  In this simple and beautiful scene, Earn’s core character trait is the balm that unlocks Pete’s ability to share his pain, thereby helping him release his emotional distress. 

Pete finds himself at the intersection of multiple emotional collisions.  He has invested time and effort in coming to terms and accepting who he is yet, the experience with his parents has him doubting himself.  Add in that Earn means more to him than anything, and has been crying along with him, is just emotionally crushing for Pete.  Eventually the crying releases some of the tension and they calm down enough for Earn to ask Pete to walk him through what happened.  Pete details how it’s his father’s preference that he just like girls or stay closeted and how his outraged mother sided with his father.  Pete also tells Earn about his painful confrontation regarding whether he is loved or not, and being pushed to the floor.  He struggles not to breakdown while relating the hurt and sadness in his mother’s voice when she apologized whether it was for not showing their care or if he misunderstood them.  In relating his experience to Earn, Pete finds both relief and agony and realizes that throughout the entire duration of his recitation, Earn’s grip and radiating warmth never fades.

Earn asks Pete what he wants to do now, exposing the utter confusion inside Pete’s head.  He doesn’t know who is right or who is wrong, who should apologize to whom, or who should be angry.  Earn understands and expresses that he doesn’t know the answers either.  This draws out a lighthearted response from Pete as he playfully taps Earn on the forehead and chides him for not being of any help.  This leads to another playful exchange that helps bleed out Pete’s feelings of negativity for the moment before they return to addressing the reality of the situation.  Earn asks if Pete wants to stay with him and his parents but Pete gives a list of upcoming events that pose a challenge to his suggestion.  Earn persists though, declaring the logistics of Pete getting through his list while living with him as very doable, but Pete points out in a snarky manner that the real issue is that moving in with Earn is an avoidance of his problems with his parents and does nothing toward forging a solution.  Earn points out that he’s offering a temporarily safe place for Pete while he figures out how to resolve things, and for his part, Pete responds that he wants to live with Earn but doesn’t even know how to bring it up to his parents.  When Earn tells him he’ll talk to his parents, Pete is immediately consumed with the fear that if his parents realize Earn is his boyfriend, they will prevent him from seeing him.  He implores Earn to leave his parents out of it but Earn confidently tells him he’ll only tell them what they need to know to get him want he wants them to do.  Pete playfully calls Earn egotistical, and Earn responds by messing Pete’s hair and calling him a dork.  After fixing his hair, and then Earn’s, Pete asks what really tipped Earn off that he wasn’t feeling like himself.  Earn responds that Pete wasn’t himself in bed earlier, explaining that he was too easily topped and didn’t protest; then adding that he seemed more concerned with pleasing Earn because he felt so sad himself.  Pete feels like what he just heard made it seem like he didn’t want or find any pleasure in the s*x, so he quickly declares that he liked it.  From here the scene unravels into an adorable reaction and counter-reaction of self-consciousness and endearing embarrassment, with Earn delivering the playfully suggestive and inviting statement that he was hoping to come home to a more aggressive Penguin.  To this, Pete remarks that if the living conditions go the way Earn wants, he might just get that.  Earn rejoices, and then pulls Pete up to take a shower with him, noting it’s his turn.  They have their heated shower and the next morning, Earn talks to his parents to set the wheels in motion for Pete to spend a week with them, after which they will drive the boys to the Afforestation Camping Trip.  Earn’s parents call Pete’s and things fall into place as desired.  When Pete gets to his house to pick up the things he needs, there’s no drama since his parents aren’t even home.  Pete departs feeling that while this isn’t really a solution, at least it’s something.

The interesting thing to me about the continuation of the scene is how I came away feeling that they reacted pretty much how real boys their own age would react in the same situation.  I especially appreciated that Earn did not have a solution to Pete’s predicament, and while he was cunning enough to recruit his parents into helping Pete without spilling the beans, his character came off as genuine and realistic.  The upshot of the remainder of this section of the chapter is the coming together of the boys as they join forces to address the enormous challenge facing them.  Since we don’t have Earn’s POV, we don’t know if he really understands how serious the negative reaction of Pete’s parents really is or what threat to their relationship it could potentially develop into.  What we see here is a very practical approach by the boys as they feel a way forward.  As Pete comments, he feels like things are moving in a direction, but whether it’s the correct one is not currently known.

The story jumps forward to Pete emerging from cram school and being surprised by Earn, who ebulliently greets him as PENGUIN.  Pete’s surprise has him stumbling over ‘P-Panda’ in response, along with a question as to why Earn is there.  His seriousness gets mocked by Earn who cracks that he acts like a businessman, before teasingly adding, ‘Suited Penguin is s*xy Penguin.’  This gets him a playful smack from Pete, who also throws an arm around his shoulder.  Through the back-and-forth banter that follows, we soon learn that Earn has a surprise planned, and he quickly drags Pete into a taxi and they head off to parts unknown.  Pete decides that since Earn is excited for whatever he has planned, then he’ll just go with the flow.  And besides, Pete reasons, it will help relieve his angst by exposing him to Earn’s loving aura.  He tries to find out where they’re going but gets nowhere, so he talks about school and people Earn doesn’t even know, drawing forth Earn’s jealous side.  Pete notes that they’ve made progress together on that front but knows they’ll never get 100% comfortable that someone might pursue either of them.  In a short time, they arrive at a lush field along some familiar faces wearing sports gear.  Earn pays the driver and they walk toward the group on the grass.

The scene plays out like a typical meeting among teenage boys over the world.  As they approach the group, Earn crassly greets one of the boys as ‘A*shole’ who in turn aims his sarcasm back towards him by commenting that he took his ‘sweet a*s time’ to get there.  Not backing down, Earn furrows his brows and says, ‘I had to get Pete, you d*ck.’  The boy Earn just addressed turns toward Pete, greeting him and holding out a fist.  Greeting him by name, Pete responds by bumping Oil’s fist and remarks to himself that he’s surprised to see Earn and Oil speaking civilly to each other.  Earn steps between the two and scolds Oil for being so friendly, and when Pete objects to Earn’s behavior, Earn simply says, ‘What? I like him but I don’t like him liking you.’  Oil let’s Pete know he’s okay with Earn’s behavior, then comments that he hopes Pete can play since he’s never seen him play before.  At first Pete, is thrown off, but then realizes why Oil said that and secretly notes that even though Oil’s been training him, now is not the time to tell Earn.  Soon, Por is calling them out about being late and calling them ‘faces’ with Tee, Choi and Odd in tow.  At this point, Pete learns that he’s about the only one who knew nothing about the game, and Earn gives a lame excuse for how it all came to be, but Pete just calls him a sly a*shole and doesn’t know whether to punch or hug him.  In short time, Oil is ordering them to get changed and they find a place to suit up.  It turns out that Earn and Pete will play on a team with Por, Tee, Choi, Odd and Dirk against a team of Oil, Top and other athletes from Friday.  They even have a group of spectators gathered on the sidelines including Hack, Josie, Lhew, Rose, Tem and the girlfriends of some of the other players.  With an audience gathered to watch, Pete comments to himself that there’s no turning back while hoping he’s as prepared to play as he thought he was.

The story quickly jumps to the end of the game where Pete and Earn are standing by a group friends toweling off.  Lhew makes a comment to Pete and Earn about double teaming and Pete asks if that was a s*xual joke or an observation.  This invites an additional innuendo from Rose, followed by a round of friendly recriminations between Lhew, Rose and Tem, while Josie and Leslie (Tee’s girlfriend) look on.  This is quickly broken up when they catch sight of a shirtless Pete, tipping a water bottle into Earn’s waiting mouth and Josie, Tem, and Leslie all fangirl over the sight.  Lhew calls to Porky (Por) to control his ‘wife’ but Por declines and blames Leslie for encouraging her while kicking Tee’s foot.  Tee defends himself by saying he’s seen that reaction so many times, you just have to let it run its course.  Oil breaks in at this point, complaining about the fangirl meeting and demands an opinion on the game, and Lhew throws in with ‘Slick’ (confusing Oil with her new nickname for him) and suggests asking Hack for his opinion.  While looking a bit awkward next to the fangirls, Hack answers to the group that Por and Dirk were great.  This incites an inadvertent joke from Earn, followed by a not-so-veiled threat from Dirk.  This only sets the fangirls alight once again while Lhew and Rose face palm.  At this point, Por begs Josie to get angry or something because Hack might be crushing on him again, but Josie declares she has no worries because she has ways of persuading him while raising a hand to high five a disapproving Rose.

Top steps in to calm everyone down after noticing that the other spectators in attendance outside of the Pete-Earn circle are all leering over the boy on boy comments.  He then expresses his thanks for the game, noting how his team always goes up against Tee and the football team and they are too used to playing them all of the time.  As Earn shakes Top’s extended hand, he comments back on the irony of his expressed gratitude and the fact Top’s team obliterated Earn’s team.  He then adds that he was doing it for his own reason; namely that he wanted to have fun with a special someone trying something new just for him while glancing in Pete’s direction and wearing a big grin.  When Oil asks whether they are going to thank him for setting up the game, Earn huffs an emphatic no while everyone snickers.  Pete speaks up at this point and thanks Oil, indicating that they had fun.  Oil becomes embarrassed and red faced by Pete’s gesture, so Earn runs over and embracing Pete roughly and warns Oil off while the fan girls wail.  To be fair to the girls, Pete notes that they do look like a bunch of strippers and they’ve used their s*x appeal to their advantage in the past at the Christmas Carwash and the Basketball Finals.  Plus, Oil and his teammates are even more rugged with all the activities they do.  Pete notes that Top bests them all because he’s tall and is a*s buff as Oil. 

They boys eventually change back into their street clothes and return to hang out with their circle of friends.  Pete finds this relaxing and reenergizing after the turmoil of the past few days.  They also get a chance to talk with Lhew about what transpired with Card, and share Lhew’s reasons for accepting Ngaw with the group.  Coincidentally, Ngaw pops up in short time to take Lhew on a planned date, and the group takes it as a sign to call it day and go do whatever.  They bid farewell to their friends and Oil calls out for them to ring him up if they want to play another game in a move Pete thinks of as unintentional flirting.  Earn steps forward and answers for Pete that he’ll call Oil if they want to play again.  Pete tells Earn not to be an a*s but Earn just whines that he wants to have the upper hand.  Pete makes a suggestive crack about Earn always getting the upper hand before the action turns to Por trying to get Josie on her feet to leave.  She expresses a desire to stick around with Rose and Tem to mess with Hack and Dirk some more; both boys scarlet from their questions and comments.  Por asserts himself, much to the shock of everyone, and Josie gives in, rising, but cautions him to keep his energy for the bedroom later.  Pete notes how both she and Por have no filter.  She says her goodbyes to her friends and they walk past Josie’s car to a taxi stand to wait for a ride.  Earn bluntly reminds Por to be on time at 8:00 a.m. the next morning and Por responds dismissively as the boys climb into a taxi.  Pete states they’re serious, emphasizing it by calling Por a d*ckhead.  Por replies that he got it the first time and tells Pete to stop being a mom before instructing them to just go home and or something.  Earn emphasizes that they are counting on him, while holding out his fist, and Por bumps it; repeating the ritual with Pete as well. 

As the taxi pulls away, Pete takes Earn’s hand and earnestly thanks him.  Earn plays coy, but Pete tells him that he knows why he’s being thanked.  Earn states he wants to make his boyfriend happy, before he quickly answers an incoming message on his phone.  Pete looks on in curiosity and asks who he’s texting.  ‘Just mom and dad’ Earn tells him, but Pete feels a negative emotion bubble up as he responds to Earn, and Earn notices it too.  He asks Pete if he’s suspicious that he’s really texting someone else, and Pete feigns mere curiosity, while inwardly feeling exactly what Earn described.  Earn returns to his phone and Pete feels the same emotional surge once again and asks himself why he feels so paranoid.  He tries to push away his mood by asking Earn where he wants to eat dinner and when Earn gives a simple and direct answer, Pete once again tries to push away the rise of a dark feeling by placing his head on Earn’s shoulder and begging for his attention in a childlike voice.  Earn responds to his cute Penguin, and apologizes that his just a little tired, so Pete pulls back to give him space.  Earn reacts by telling him not to be silly, so Pete pats his thighs and Earn lays down on the seat with his head on Pete’s lap.  As Pete tells himself that Earn is just burned out from running the field, he hears Earn’s voice telling him how well he played during the game.  Pete is caught off guard by the compliment but Earn points out how well he shadowed one player and hindered Oil’s game; all very unexpected, Earn states.  A little on edge with the mention of Oil, Pete tries to share his success by recognizing Earn’s efforts as well.  Earn agrees that while he did help, Pete handled his end well before asking if he’s been practicing without him.  When Pete stammers with his answer, Earn declares his infallibility in realizing Pete showed more stamina, better posture, and keener reflexes than when they last practiced together.  Pete confesses to practicing and Earn innocently asks who trained him; immediately suggesting the names of Tee and Por.  Pete momentarily feels like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.  He wants to lie to Earn but realizes that the only way to break through the negativity enveloping him is to tell Earn the truth.  Earn’s surprise on hearing it was Oil prompts Pete to quickly explain that it’s not what he thinks.  He wanted to practice to surprise Earn when he returned.  Earn’s continued silence raises Pete’s distress, and he rushes to assure Earn that it was completely platonic to the point of blurting out that Oil likes Fi.  This disclosure gets Earn’s attention, making Pete realize that he just broke a confidence.  He goes on to explain that it came up in conversation, blah, blah, blah…  Earn’s continued silence makes Pete ask if he’s mad and Earn explains that his anger is about Oil getting to spend so much time with him teaching him to play.  Earn wanted to do that himself.  Earn also explains that he’s not jealous because they were together but because Oil got to train him.  Feeling guilty and fearful, Pete apologizes and begs Earn not to be angry but Earn tells him that he knows Pete won’t do anything with Oil and that he just wants to do more things with Pete himself.  Still stressed, Pete asks if he’s sure, and Earn tells him yes while sitting up to give him a reassuring peck on the check.  Earn declares the situation stupid before stating that he’s happy Pete can play so well followed by a vow to kick the other team’s a*s next time.  As they continue on their way to the mall, Pete severely questions himself.  He notes that Earn has every right to upset but isn’t.  He asks why he’s getting himself so worked up over nothing before reassuring himself that he and Earn love each other and can’t live without each other.  He successfully pushes away his negative thoughts and feelings each time they appear throughout the evening, while vowing to focus on his relationship with Earn and resolving things with his parents.

Once the story resumes from the point of Earn surprising Pete as he comes out of school, we are witness to Earn’s continued efforts to help Pete through his current turmoil.  The surprise soccer game to buoy Pete’s spirits is a bit unusual, as surprises go, especially since Earn doesn’t know Pete’s been practicing.  The surprise could backfire horribly if Pete hits the field and humiliates himself, right?  But I suppose if Earn’s real goal was just to give Pete exposure to some healthy exercise and time with his friends, then whatever happens on the field is secondary.  After all, the team they were on lost badly but they had a good time anyway, so perhaps I’m just full of sh*t.  At any rate, it’s the effort that Earn is making that’s the point here.  It shows that he’s got Pete’s welfare in his sites and he’s not backing away from Pete in his time of need.  This chapter showcases Earn’s maturity and growth toward his commitment to Pete.  He’s only marginally incensed when the initially encounter Oil on the playing field, which speaks volumes right there, but Earn’s maturity and growth is most prominently displayed when he learns about Oil’s role in coaching Pete and chooses not to take it personally or erupt jealously.  This is reassuring to Pete yet, he remains emotionally vulnerable by his inner doubts and struggles.

The banter after the soccer game is somewhat of a reprise of the post-DOTA talk but with a far more intimate and informal tone, and written with the usual sharpness that we have come to expect.  These exchanges illustrate a few things.  First, the main characters are portrayed as a family of friends surrounded by as a very close-knit network, kind of like a second tier of additional friends.  The family holds practically nothing back from each other and feels at ease with one another.  The surrounding network of friends is a bit more formal, but still included and addressed as intimates.  Second, the Pete-Earn pairing have been completely normalized within the family of friends, and as this family group goes, it pulls the wider circle along with it in respect to Pete-Earn.  Top may have broken into the banter to calm things down, but the interest of those outside the immediate family was already being drawn.  The third point being illustrated, is how normalized Pete and Earn are becoming as an out couple.  Each boy shows a natural confidence with respect to their status in front of all of their friends, their interactions with them, and with each other in front of them.  As usual, Earn is more relaxed, while Pete is more reserved, but each boy has come a long way.  There is one last point about the ripple effect of their public status.  By that, I’m referring to how Pete-Earn being a public fact has changed things for others like Hack and Dirk.  The reaction of the circle to Hack and Dirk has been equally inclusive, which sort of makes Pete-Earn trailblazers within their circle (not unlike Oil in his circle of athletes). 

The most crucial part of the chapter is the last exchange between Pete and Earn in the taxi ride to the mall because it foreshadows what is to come.  Pete’s emotional distress is dragging on him and his emotions are all over the map as he swings from loving and playful one moment, to suspicious and panicky the next.  He has been using distractions to lift his mood but beneath the surface, the turmoil continues and threatens to break through at any provocation, real or perceived.  For example, even after all the thought and time Earn invested in cheering Pete up with soccer game, Pete still feels suspicious and paranoid to the point of questioning whether Earn is really texting his parents.  Distraction is not a long-term strategy and Pete seems to understand this.  He knows that resolving the underlying cause is the path forward but he has yet to chart that path.  In the interim, he keeps battling his doubts and fears respecting Earn by focusing on Earn’s actions toward him as the evidence he needs to confirm their commitment to each other.  This is a sound strategy as long as Earn keeps his side of the bargain.  We know that is not always going to happen in the coming chapters and that Pete and Earn are going to suffer for it.

I want to add one additional comment about Por.  It’s kind of weird dropping it here at the end but I’ve got put it somewhere.  Por has been a loud mouth and a clown throughout most of this novel and has frequently been relied upon for comic relief.  It was only in the previous chapter that he was shown to have a broader range.  In this chapter, Por reprises his expanded role by showing sensitivity to Pete’s distress about coming out to his parents when he changes the focus of the conversation to something else.  Por’s character also shows a much welcomed complexity when he’s both sarcastically annoyed in response to Pete and Earn’s badgering to him to be on time while he simultaneously accepts a symbolic offer of solidarity with a fist bump.  Behavior like this is pretty much expected from Pete, Earn, and Card, for example, and it’s refreshing to see Por being filled out like this too.  In fact, Por and Earn are not unalike in being of an intuitive nature.  This is what makes them such fast friends and why they act like such competitive childlike monsters when they are together.  It’s no accident either that they both act like s*x fiends from time to time.  They share an outspoken in-your-face approach to life, except that Earn actually has a filter and knows when to use it (most of the time) and certainly more than Por.  I am pleased to see this character expansion and look forward to more of it in subsequent chapters.

Thanks once again for an engaging read.