So basically happened between my club committee and me so they kicked me out (it wasn't completely my fault but they thought the best move was to do that) and I had so much inner pain for so long that I started blaming myself and hurting myself over what had happened. But yesterday I told myself that I wasn't going to let the cycle of self hurt continue, because I'm sick of how I'm treating myself. So yesterday after I mulled over it for a while, I decided that I'm not going to hurt myself anymore and I apologized to the people who hurt me so that a. I feel less guilty b. When I beat myself up again I'll know that I've already done all that's in my power to fix what had happened. 

I didn't apologize to Irwin and ken and Bertrand though, because they were the ones who had hurt me the most. Because I was the admin of the group chat, instead of kicking me out, they decided to leave the chat and instigate the juniors to do that as well. Then when I complained about it, the chairperson Bertrand not only did nothing about it, but he also insisted that I was on a lower level than him and thus he has the right to order me around. That really pissed me off cos all I wanted was to be respected and understood but they didn't give me that and instead ostracized me. They don't deserve my apology, but the rest of them who weren't involved with this conflict do. 

I'm still hurting but I'm going to try and rectify this.