So..... hi?

A lot has happened since I last updated about N and me. But basically we declared ourselves as a couple on the 5th of July. (After heaps of confusion)

Before I start ranting, N is a social butterfly that flits from a girl to another, he just flirts and is close with all girls expescially his classmates. I know this yet I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy everytime I see him sitting next to another girl sigh. Let's get to the good parts first.

So I usually am the one who spoils others. I love that smile on someone's face when they're happy ugh I'm that kind of sap istg. So when the tables are turned and its my turn to be spoiled DAMN it feels soooooooo gooooooood hehe.He spoils me with tons of food and I'm really happy with it. Also in the early stages of our relationship, he was the one who made it public. I was shocked and kind of against it at the beginning because my school, is so anti-couples and we would be beaten and might be expelled if our names are sent to the admins. As time goes on, I knda just embrace our relationship, thus throwing my caution to the wind lol.

Okay now we rant about things that make me mad and sad

So every weekend, I'd ask him to go out on a date with me. And he keep rejecting me and makes up reasons all the damn time. I wanna know if I'd done something wrong or he just is not ready? But tomorrow's our 2nd monthsary so he should be okay by now? Idk, I need help, guys.

If let's say he doesn't deal with dates , he initiates them inside the school though. Although the most obnoxious thing about those dates is that its always to study together. When we study, we won't be talking and there would be silence. Maybe that's the kind of thing he's going for; silence and just being next to each other. but I want to be able to have deep converstaions and do stuffs with him you know? Make great memories since we're graduating high school this year, but he just wants to be passive and I don't get it. Advice, anyone?

Also, it makes me mad to no end when he give sthe reason he refuses to go out that weekend is because he haz no moneyyyy. I understand money is scarce for us as students but it drives me up the wall in a blind fury of rage because he does not have money because he goes out with his friends during the weekdays like seriousy? I cannot even brain why.

So yesterday I had a breakdown and cried although if you ask me why now, I'd laugh and wonder why tf did I broke down? Anyway, I've been holding in my anger and anoyyance towards him for quite sometime. I scrolled through instagram and guess what I found? It was my friend's birthday and he posted a picture of her that god knows where he got it from to wish her. I was mad af but I'm like 'It's her birthday, its okay Ririn.' And I keep scrolling through my feed, then!

I SAW HIM COMMENTING ON MY OTHER FRIEND"S PICTURE AND I QUOTE
"So pretty you shake my heart"

ING HELL THAT WAS IT I HAVE ENOUGH OF YOUR BULL AND I WAS MAD AT YOU FOR THE PAST 3 WEEKS AND YOU AIN'T KNOW ABOUT IT THIS IS THE LAST STRAW BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

Okay I did overreact but I dunno my hormones went beserk and I just went amok yesterday. I don't-

I don't know what to do. We're only 2 months in this ffs OTL. Please give me advices. I really need them right now. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day. A better one than mine anyways. Bye guys.

xx,

ririN