Hello! If haven't noticed already, my name is Amelia and I'm a 17 year old who bounce back and fourth from Wolverhampton England to Washington DC. 

I attend school with my aunt in DC and go to Wolverhampton for holidays and summer. I have 4 older brothers, I'm the only girl. My mom is Native American and African-American while my dad is White. However I'm the tanniest on my dad side. 

Here comes the negatives...

When I was in the 7th grade I was isolated and bullied at school by the girls who I considered my friends. At that time I was already depressed because I don't live with my dad, nor mom. 

I live with my aunt. 

And before you ask or say this fake. This is 100% real and I will share the meaning of this blog post at the end of the rant. 

This action devastated me and I fell deeper in my depression. I even considered suicide a couple of times. I got promoted to 8th and graduated Middle school  valedictorian. In the  9th grade I was so quiet, depressed I needed to see a therapist. And quickly. In the 9th I was still thinking of suicide(but never had the guts to do it) long story short I got a therapist. 

When I got to her she evaluated me

I was diagnosed with severe depression and moderate to severe anxiety. I was also diagnosed with a speech impediment: Stuttering(which I got from 7th grade bullying). 

She was also afraid of my suicidal tendices. She placed me on suicide watch for 1 year. Couldn't go no where by myself afraid i would kill myself. 

Let's skip to 11th grade. 

I'm finished with 10th grade my depression went down and unfortunately my anxiety went up still have problems with my speaking and my therapist... My trusty therapist said she will be leaving me, that I will get a new therapist. 

I didn't trust this one at all, because she seemed sketchy. So I never attended the sessions with her. 

Now the purpose of this rant: I'm not myself you guys... I use to be on asianfanfics every single ing day just reading interacting with people. I'm worried. 

I'm still a Kpop trash because trust me NCT and other groups are the only things that are keeping me from downing pills and or hurt myself ending my life. 

My anxiety is high and my depression is worst as ever. I came on here to find someone who I can talk to about this because all of my 61 friends are like family other than my own. 

I need help... Please someone please help me