Hello all! I haven't been on here in so long. I thought summer would give me more time to write, but it turns out that I feel like I'm almost just as busy as I was during the school year. Good news; I finished the hell that is junior year. And I just have my senior year left. Then I'm done with high school and off to college! I've been on a college visit too, and that school seems promising. Bad news; it seems like senior year will be just as busy, and there are a few minor (or maybe not so minor, but I'm dealing) things I might touch on later.

     I've been taking a course online this summer to free up space in my schedule for this coming year. I've also been taking Driver's Ed, and I'm hoping to get my license soon. I turned 18 in June, and I feel like this whole "adult" thing is cool yet confusing. I mean, I still have one year of high school left, yet the law sees me as an...adult? 

     I'm also first in my class (a somewhat small class), but that's cool I guess. If I keep it up, I could be valedictorian. 

     And, the not so good stuff? Well, my grandma has Alzheimer's. We found out a few months ago. I guess for some people my age, it's definitely unfortunate when a grandparent deals with something like this. But she's lived with us since I was six years old. For 12 years of my life, I've seen her almost every day. When she does have moments of clarity, she understands what's going on, and it seems like it scares her. 

     Maybe a long time ago, I would have asked "Why her? She's a good person". But at this point, I've asked "why" so many times without a good answer, so sometimes, there's no answer as to why stuff like this happens. Scientifically? Medically? Yeah. You can define it there. A pre-existing condition contributes...blah blah yaddah yaddah boom shakalakah and all that good . But in the grand scheme of things, like "why her?", I guess the only explanation is that bad things happen to good people and no one knows why. Yet it seems like the biggest s get away with murder. No one can provide explanations in the places where they matter most to us, it seems. 

     But I'm not writing this to be pessimistic. Out of all the things she struggles to remember, she remembers that her granddaughter is "so intelligent and talented". And then people chuckle kindly, sympathizing with the old lady. But no, she remembers that I'm first in my class, I'm part of honor societies, and she keeps saying how she's going to be right there when I graduate. I can't let one of the few things she remembers with extreme clarity become a lie. And she's the only grandparent I have left. Leaving the house, even with assistance, is hard for her. I have to give her something to be proud of at graduation come June 2017. 

     So everyone who is surprised that I'm smart because I'm quiet, thinks I'll clam up giving my speech, or thinks I don't have enough AP classes to be valedictorian, well they can shove it. Shove it up a dark and unsanitary place that will never see the light of day. I haven't worked my off all my life to give them the satisfaction of being right. 

     I haven't written in so long, and I don't know if anyone would even have interest in any of my old stories. But I feel like this whole writing thing is cathartic. And maybe, even when I get busy again, I'll just have to put things on hold, just take a break, and write.

     I think that hardly anyone pays attention to my old, unfinished fics on here. But that's okay. Maybe I'll finish them, just for myself. To give myself the satisfaction of knowing they ended well. Or maybe I'll never get around to them, and how they all pan out will be left up to the reader's imagination.

    What I'm saying is that I think I need to start writing again. If not for anyone else, just for myself. Do I have any idea where my life is going? Maybe. I have more of a clue than I did a few years ago. I still have so much to learn though. But I'll take it as an adventure rather than an impending disaster. And I'll write through it all.

     I hope you've all been doing well. I've missed you. I can't make any promises as to how often I'll be on here, but hopefully you'll be hearing from me more often than you have been.