Hello! How are you? I hope you're having the time of your life? Well, I hope you do because it's a waste if you're not able to spend your time according to your wants and needs. 

Anyway...Have you been wondering why I'm not writing/updating my pending stories? (I just assumed. lol.) Here's why:

The cursor was blinking.

The cursor was blinking at me. It's as if it was spitting on me. "Are you writing or not?", it said although it could be just a pigment of my imagination. 

I closed my eyes. I rubbed the socket of my eyes with the balls of my palm. An uncontrollable long sigh escaped from my lips. Of course I am writing, I thought. "Wait." I muttered under my breath. "Just wait. Just give me a moment." 

It was useless. I knew that much. Talking to myself dead in the night was meaningless because no matter what I do, I couldn't focus. The setbacks I had faced, the sidelong glances I had gotten when I walk by, the disappointed looks and remarks directed at me--all of it, every single one kept crawling under my skin, reminding me how big of a failure I had become. 

I did everything that I could do to forget about it. I reassured myself that I would be able to write again anytime soon. When an idea dinged in my head, I smiled triumphantly as if I had found myself again but that moment was short-lived as I faced my laptop screen. Suddenly, the thought which seemed sweet and interesting became too bitter for my taste. I quickly crossed it out from my mental list titled as "The Great Inventory of My Comeback Ideas". Resigning from my pretend business, I decided to rest a bit in my bed. The soft mattress carressed my sore back and this was when I realize that I wouldn't mind staying in it forever. The clock was ticking by, slightly pressuring me and admonishing me that everything would be all for naught and that I would never be able to come back anymore If I don't start now. And yet I found myself ignoring it as I put my hands to my side. 

Something was wrong with me. This was what I had concluded after staring blankly at the ceiling while lying on the bed. I surprised myself for thinking that it didn't matter because... somehow I knew that I already had given up. At this realizaion, tears rolled down to my temples. I never knew that I would come to hate the passion that once kept me going. I never knew that one day, I would hate writing. 

Yes. Yes. I know I might have exaggerated a little bit. If I hated writing that much, then I shouldn't have written this whole blog post! Perhaps, the problem is my passion for writing is slowly dying. In case you didn't know, the degree program that I am currently taking up involves A LOT of writing that's why it became more of a requirement than a want for me. And yes, I do realize that I promised XiuHun world domination but with the way things are, I don't know if I can do it anymore.I don't expect you to understand, don't worry. I only want to share what I have been keeping to myself all this time. 

Thank you.

(Honestly, I don't know how to end this post properly. Maybe, I'm just too drunk right now. haha. I'm of legal age, don't fret.)