you know,
i've been happy for quiet some time. nothing seemed to go wrong in extreme cases. i had a few things i had to go through but well... who doens't? there's always this daily struggle, sometimes you just have one of those days where everything can go wrong.
but this day was different

you see.... everything went well, nothing was going wrong and nothing had really happened. until maybe just an hour ago.
me and my oldest brother have always been a little... awkward. my second brother and my oldest too, they've never really seem to get allong.
my older brother is the odd one out in our family of 5 (including my parents)
we don't know why exactly but whenever he speaks or whenever he acts a certain way, it makes all of us cringe. he never needs us until he needs money....
but today.... he has a weird sense of humor. and i've been messaging a few times before because of a tattoo that i wanted. he already has 3 so i thought, cool, help me out finding a good store. but.... he send this picture, im not going into detail but as you can imagine it was something kind of.... gross?

something about pokemon GO and using the camera thingy. i knew it wasn't his.... thing, if you know what i mean... but recieving that from your brother, who you've always thought of as trust worthy. made me scared. angry even, sad, disgusted. everything that wasn't good.

i imediately send my mom a message. (i am staying over a friends house and this is where i recieved his message)

she was... shocked, to say none the less. angry. i couldn't talk the moment she called me. i cried even, i felt somehow.... assaulted. if that's the right word for this.

i always got my fair share of pics, i mean c'mon guys are stupid so i always looked the other way after a disgusted mail back to em and that's that. so recieving this from someone you thought you could trust... is.... painfull.

i mean, everything finally calmed down in my head, i cried and i punched the cushion. i blocked him from everything that i own. he send me a message true prepaid messaging, i replied as if he was the most disgusting creature in the world  and he never replied.

i do not feel it in my heart to forgive him. i just feel disgusted. i feel violated. 

do bear in mind that i asked my second brother if he recieved anything and that wasn't the case, this is also why i got even more angry.

i don't know what to do or what to think. i can't talk to anyone right now except for you strangers reading this.

the strangers who read my fanfictions, who i may add are ed up. for a moment i wanted to tell how i feel to someone who will listen, someone who will read this and will go like "WHAT  THE ACTUAL ?!"

my mother doesn't even know how to react... my father is also utterly disgusted.

- suzy out