I'm drowning inside myself....,

That's what anxiety and depression feels like. It feels like I'm drowning inside my own mind and I can't find a way out.

I've been drowning on and off for almost 6 years.

The past few days I've been drowning constantly.

I wake up with my heart racing as if someone is about to stab me. Fear washes over me and I'm frozen in bed.

I try to brush it off and tell myself I'm fine. I try a meditation, some relaxing music, and I feel better a moment. Then, I get out of bed and the panic hits me. It builds in my stomach and explodes inside me. The panic plagues me all day. It never stops. I try to tell it to go away. I try to make myself push through. It won't stop.

Because it doesn't stop, the depression comes. I cry and scream because I feel like I'm being consumed by anxiety and I can't see an end. I fear I'll be like this forever, so I try to curl up in a ball and will it away. I sleep too much because when I'm asleep, I can't feel. But, I can't sleep forever..., yet my depression tells me I should. It tells me that if this is my future I might as well stop living now. If I'm going to be consumed by fear my entire life, why keep living? These through frighten me the most.

I'm going into a situation soon that is naturally stressful. But, with my anxiety like this I fear it will kill me. I'll self destruct. I'll die from the panic and the depression. I'll die because of an overwhelming fear I can't control.

I wish It would all stop.

I'm so tired...,

I'm so tired..., I'm exhausted by living...,

I just want everything to stop..,

Please?

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Ellyjelly96 #1
I'm writing a fic and my character feels this way. It's hard to feel like this without there being an underlying reason though.
I know ow everything I say is really intrusive but I have you written in a diary and just 'wrote' not just what you feel but WHY these feelings are here. WHERE are these feelings coming from? WHO IS making you feel this way? Is it pressure from yourself or from the people around you?

From every panick attack I've had, I've been able to pin point the reason. My first ever panic attack was on the way to give in my personal essay for my university application. I Had to rush for the bus and I knew I was going to be late. The boys on the bus were wearing too much axe body spray, I was a little thirsty and I had nothing to hold on to while the bus sped down the street. Needless to say my throat had closed and I couldn't breathe so I panicked more. Then when I got off the bus, I went to buy a bottle of water then got to school. the teacher at the gate wouldn't let me in. She then asked why I was late and then the tears came. The only thing she could do was send me to medical who could do nothing to stop me crying. I blame EVERYONE and myself for what happened. If I wasn't late I would have been more calm. The panic came from my worry of not getting let onto the bus, not making it into school ontime, having my essay rejected and criticised harshly and getting a good grade on my history paper. The man who marked my essay wasn't even in that day. He was getting ready to retire so I had a panick attack for no apparent reason. But still there are factors...I had to explore them to find out why I felt the way I did there and then.
sleepingprince #2
No you shouldnt give up. Life have alot to offer . You need to fight the monster in you. Control your mind and guard your heart. Always think of positive things. I know its hard and easier said than done but if you really fight hard enough you will be freed from this emotional turmoil . Believe in yourself. Give yourself all the chances that you need. Its okay to fail at the first few try but as long as you keep going and never stop you will win. You can fail a thousand time and keep trying keep fighting. But you cannot give up . Never ever ever give up
douxsoleil #3
Just keep fighting it to be honest. It won't go away easily because I am suffering through it also (going the 6th year^ and I also know how it feels, to have a constant worry in your heart and feeling like giving up. But don't, honestly. My best suggestion is to grow used to it and keep fighting it. It will get better but not to the point you'll be the way you used to, but it's okay. Our levels of being mentally stable are different anyway, so don't lose!

If you don't feel better, might as well go to a psychiatrist because talking to people will help, even though you'll need some courage. Nobody knows that I'm depressed until now, but I encourage you that everything's going to be okay. Maybe not now, but please wait for it. Don't lose hope.
turyka #4
IDK what to tell you just be strong ..as much as you can..
Don't let depression dominate your mind.. I know is hard my mum still fight with it specially in winter and she takes pills to sleep..
But you are stronger that this disease.. Fight your demons.. I told before break things that doesn't worth anymore , throw stones, go cheer a team ever if you don't like them just to yell, dance .
You need to release stress..
Fighting ^^
lilspydermunkey #5
By any chance, do you suffer from nightmares? It sounds like that is what has you waking up in panic.

Also, remember this: DEPRESSION LIES.

Write it down everywhere you can. Put a sticky on your computer. Write in daily in your journal or calendar. Print it out in bright vibrant colors and tape it to you door.

DEPRESSION LIES.

You are strong. You are worthy. You are worth it. You belong here. You deserve to live. You have strength.

DEPRESSION LIES.

Don't buy into those lies.

DEPRESSION LIES.

DEPRESSION LIES.

DEPRESSION LIES.
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