Ok i know its not febuary BUT I AM SOOOOOO FREAKING PISSED I DONT EVEN CARE......

 

SO like today i was at the mall and i walked past one of those stand that sell stuff and a hot guy calls out to me and my friend. My friend keeps walking but I stop and walk up to him. Then he shows off this nail product to me and flirts. I wasnt gonna buy it at  first but he kept lowering the prices and flirting and eventually I gave in. Then I kept grinnning because I felt like I got a deal and that he was being sweet to me. Only to find out when I finally met back up with my best friend that he also done the same for her before.

 

Then it dawn on me. Tionda (my name) you let another hot guy manipulate you into buying products.

 

I HATE THAT SO MUCH

 

*murders pillow*

 

I hate hate hate that guys freaking uses their looks to get girls like me who has never been with a man to buy their !!!!!!!!!!

 

ANyways back to why I went on hiatus. WEll...I took this love quiz from Dr. Love (link: http://ruby.fgcu.edu/courses/tdugas/ids3301/acrobat/romanticlove.pdf )

After taking it and failing it badly....very badly i started to ponder and then read some articles. I noticed that my views on love were all fantasy. I mean I knew that I wouldn't have a Disney romance type love but I really believe in having a boyfriend like one of the members of Boyfriend. My kpop idols fueled me with illusions of a type of romance that doesn't exsist. They also get me to buy their products even though in the back of my mind i know i need to pay my student tuiton, save money for my car and probably dont even want it BUT....i loved the fantasy I held onto it. A perfect man with a flawless body and pretty face. That became my ideal....but there is NO SUCH THING

 

I turned down alot of guys because they didnt fit my little ideal list.....which is ridicoulously...long...

NO ONE IS PERFECT

 

NOT EVEN JAEJOONG

 

PEOPLE HAVE FLAWS

 

PEOPLE GET UPSET

 

ONLY CRAZY PEOPLE STAY HAPPY ALL THE TIME

THEY BREAK UP THATS LIFE

 

DOESNT MEAN YOUR A FAILURE

 

BUT I BELIEVED THAT I WOULD HAVE THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP!

NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT

HAPPILY EVER AFTER....NOT

 

i know im stupid...very stupid..i cant blame them for doing their job which they do so well. I never seemed to learn to seperate reality from fantasty.

 

So yes...i did take down all my kpop idol posters, stop watching dramas (except Skip Beat...yeah i like the manga...and Siwon *cough* hahaha), stop reading fanfiction and writing it,  stop watching romance movies, no love songs, stop listening to my male kpop idols for  a while.....I almost destroyed all my Boyfriend products...but i stopped myself...I was so bitter...very bitter....SO bitter that I couldnt sleep the first night.

 

Now...i feel better. I have a new look on love and my celebrities I favor now....ok still a bit weak for a few but I'm dealing. You dont know how much I miss listening to them hahaha i totally caved in yesterday. ha ha ha...it didnt help either that my new boyfriend cd came in the mail last week......haha still havent put up the new Boyfriend poster....want to...but something is holding me back...why????

Im so confuse....talk to me someone...