it's tiring, isn't it?

Hi! No one probably read this but it's okay, I just want to let my thoughts out, it's a great thing to do once in a while.

 
As you can read from the title, things will probably sound dramatic after this, but I just want to get my mind off things.
 
I am a 14 y/o girl, living in a part of south-east asia. I love reading, I love sarcasm, and I  do things people labelled as "hideous" (atleast it is in my country)... I skipped classes, I wore exposing clothing, I cursed at every single thing, and you can say I am a . 
 
I act like I don't care but I do, I really do, I care about everything. I have a small group of friends, they are quite close... to each other. I always feels like I am not wanted with them. They ignored me, a lot. 
 
But, my life is crumbling apart, my parents were disappointed at me, and still are, I had a surgery because a part of my body was not working properly and I could end up unwanted all my life due to this certain thing, I dreamt of being a model, an actress, but no one, like literally no one supported me. 
 
And it was so bad, to the point I did things to myself, to the point I did want to end it all.
 
But, since that lowest point of my life, I changed, I became giddy, overly happy, atleast that's what they see. An overly-happy girl. But world continues, with or without me, and it gets worst, and I feel like ending the whole play, it couldn't continue anymore. I'm too tired. Very tired. 
 
It gets tiring, doesn't it?
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sleepingprince #1
I think if you can try to improve yourself then your parents would have a change of mind . About your friendship, I think you should consider if they are your true friend cause real friend will support each other for the better . About your dream to be a model , well maybe you can try it out first as a hobby. You can match and mix your own clothes and take pictures during your free time .. Then slowly progress from there... I also have the same interest and that's what I'm do at times during my spare time.. I even went to shop and ask them if I could lend their clothes for photos .. I think nothing is impossible just as long as you dont give up. Believe in yourself and believe more in your dreams. Its not easy to be a professional model but everyone can be a model in their own way. Its how you expressed and see it :)
Celestialstar12 #2
Hey, it might be weird to ask you to do this. But I suggest you talk to your parents :) I know it's hard right now, back then I don't understand what they were trying to say but now that I'm an adult, I wished that I opened up to them because now I understand that they were once teenagers as well. They might not know what's best for you but they do WANT what's best for you. :) cheer up! Oh and don't look for friends, because real friendship just happens on its own accord (trust me, I found mine without realizing either and we've been friends for 5 years now). Goodluck! And cheer up as well:)
Celestialstar12 #3
Hey, it might be weird to ask you to do this. But I suggest you talk to your parents :) I know it's hard right now, back then I don't understand what they were trying to say but now that I'm an adult, I wished that I opened up to them because now I understand that they were once teenagers as well. They might not know what's best for you but they do WANT what's best for you. :) cheer up! Oh and don't look for friends, because real friendship just happens on its own accord (trust me, I found mine without realizing either and we've been friends for 5 years now). Goodluck! And cheer up as well:)
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