Leaving
I had my mom catching me crying two hours ago and wanted to know what's up and it took me two solid hours of another round of cries to tell, not everything tho, I never tell anybody everything, well
So I've come to a conclusion that I'll be giving up on GRAVITY and just everything on this site because I am done with life, I'll try getting on with it, but I have no talent whatsoever regarding managing sth in life as in getting a job bc I literally have nothing I can do well that a job needs, I'm not even good at doing simple tasks like being a waitress or sth
My only real work place (a hotel, which I work as a waitress) hasn't called me since August last year, and I don't think they're planning on doing that again, anyway
All I could come up with, what I would enjoy, is working at an art etc shop because I just really know about art supplies and the like, but this is no work with a lot of money to earn, and I need a proper job
I'm almost 20 and I have honestly achieved 0% in my life, I can't talk properly once I know people are listening to me, written texts of me are utter bull and I can legitimately memorize/remember/learn nothing, and I mean it, now ain't nobody come to me and tell me otherwise, because that's the truth, and most of all, what I'd need for a job: I have no driver's license because I'm ing scared of driving
I wouldn't like to say it but I just wished I had never discovered anything like cartoons, anime/manga and Kpop because this ruined me and looking at my friends who hate everything I love I know I'm better off without it
My mom told me to go out for 's sake and get a life but I can't go outside in my town without looking like a complete loner because it's this small and empty
I haven't seen my best friend I no longer consider as a best friend actly since new year's eve and another close friend that was there for me in a very hard time since March (or more idk) and I just can't trust anybody, I don't talk to anybody, I'm completely isolated and I think that's better because people stop nagging about me and that's good
I'm usually not the type to tell this anyone, in fact, I'm as scared as people are of heights or spiders, I'm just scared of annoying someone close to me and that they could hate me and just, stop talking to me, so I rather isolate myself and cry every day rather than being a prick and telling someone all my worries because that was never me and it's never going to be me
So I wanted to get this off my chest on here because I've been on aff for a long time, some people do know a lot about me from this site, and I've made really great friends on here, but my mother said friends are an illusion and it's true, she's been through everything in her life without friends and I think I just need to do the same, because I need to start looking at things like, is this gonna help me in the future and friends can't get you money and a job, sure they're fun and all, but fun is definitely not gonna get me money so she wakes me up every time I tell her things about my friends (what I actly never do, sooo)
I have a lot more to tell, but I think this is enough because this is already more than enough, ain't no peep is gonna read all through this, but anyway
Thank you, it indeed was a beautiful journey :)
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