You don't have to read this... haha it's just a boring rant <3

So... You know when something tramatic happens to you and you kinda like develope... Like... Anxiety about like... Example: If you get after that you kinda get super anxious and/or ummmm idk... You don't want people touching you! (Like that japanese movie series Takumi-Kun, where his brother him and he developed like a 'human phobia') So... When my ex choked me I thought I would have... Like have a panic attack when someone touched me... Or something... But I didn't (Or maybe I'll get it later...) I mean I had nightmares every day for weeks and weeks!! :C (They have stopped <3 yay) They were so bad! Like I couldn't function for like a month, they were that bad... I was so scared of sleeping because I knew he was going to be in my dreams... I missed so much school, because he would show up sometimes... or drive by the school sometimes...

Idk what I'm trying to say here...

Well... My friend... When I told her about him choking me... She was like "Like actually choked you?! Like:" *Wraps her hands around my neck* And I didn't even flinch.. shouldn't I be scared of that!? Why wasn't I scared? Like that was so... Bad... For me... And well I didn't flinch when she did it! I mean I do trust her alot! Maybe that's why... But still... She still did that... Why wasn't I scared? Shouldn't I have some phycological problem??? Obviously I'm still scared that a future boyfriend will do it... God I'm so scared... I don't know how to act anymore... Like my new... Man I guess... He said something my ex use to say... And it scared me... But then again he's totally joking around... And my ex wasn't... Like at all... If he... Or ANYONE! Does or says anything like my ex did, I'm staying away from them! FOREVER!!! I don't bloody care if they didn't mean it! If I think they are serious I'm getting the hell out of there! Like I tell him something that my ex would have yelled and screamed at me for... And he doesn't yell at me... He doesn't even get mad... It's so confusing for me... Like it's nothing... My ex was so irrational he would get mad at me for listening to kpop! And haha this is gunna sound totally y of me... But if I don't want to date them I'm not gunna!!! because I didn't want to date my ex... And then he ended up choking me! Sooooo yeah... NO!