Hi guys,

I wonder if anyone noticed that I haven’t been updating anything in a loooong while…. Actually, I don’t plan on abandoning any of my stories, but I’ve had something rather horrible happen to me.

On March 23^rd, I was heading to Bangtan’s concert in Kobe with a friend when, barely 15 minutes after reaching the venue, I started feeling my heart beating incredibly fast in my chest. I told my friend something was wrong and passed out. I had something that’s very much like a heart attack, except worse. It’s called an aortic dissection. And mine was an “acute aortic dissection”. There happened to be a hospital right next to the venue, and I was rushed there in an ambulance and they opened me up for heart surgery. If there hadn’t been a hospital so near, I would’ve died. If I hadn’t been with people when it happened, I would’ve died. But I didn’t die. And I didn’t have any mental trauma from the anaesthesia, which apparently is quite rare.

I was extremely lucky because, at the time, my mom was actually in Japan, visiting me for 2 weeks, though she was just about to go back. She ended up extending her trip 3 more times to take care of me. I don’t know what I would have done without her. I stayed in the Kobe hospital for a little over 2 weeks and then they let me go home because I kept begging them to do so. Actually, maybe I should’ve stayed longer… I was home for about a week but I wasn’t getting better and my blood pressure kept getting higher. The reason that I’d had the attack in the first place was because of a genetic condition and it was now vital that I watch my blood pressure and what I ate. High blood pressure was very bad. And it was even weirder since I was on medication that was supposed to control it.

On April 20^th I had an appointment for a checkup at a hospital in Tokyo, but when I showed up, the doctor was so worried about my blood pressure he forced me to check in to the hospital again. For a week. It was the freakin worse. That hospital was horrible. But now I’m checking out tomorrow. Thankfully.

So anyways, this is why I haven’t been writing. Even though I was okay to be let out of the hospital the first time, I was in terrible shape and couldn’t focus at all on writing. I have a horrible scar, all over my chest, which sometimes hurt. My ribcage hurts ALL THE TIME because they actually cut my sternum to get to my heart for the surgery. I take about 10 different pills at every meal each day. My heart is so weak now, that I cannot walk two blocks without getting winded and it’s dangerous for me to lift anything over 5kg (not that I could anyways). I’m on a pretty strict diet that forbids me to eat pretty much anything delicious for the rest of my life, and that, really really freakin for a fattie like me. I guess the only upside to this is that I don’t have the stomach to eat very much since my surgery, and I’ve actually lost 7 kg. Though I’d trade being fat forever in exchange for a healthy heart condition in a heartbeat.

I’ve also been pretty depressed. Obviously I missed the Kobe show, but I was supposed to go to the Japan fanmeeting in Seoul on April 16 and I had to cancel that too. I was crushed. I also was unable to go to the Power of k-Pop thing on April 24. And I was supposed to go to the Epilogue concerts in Seoul on May 7-8, but now it looks rather unlikely…. More than that, my mom is very seriously talking about forcing me to move back to Canada as soon as it’s safe for me to board a plane… and that is something I really really don’t want to do… but I’m here in Japan with a very serious heart condition, incompetent doctors, and no support system (I have zero family here, no boyfriend, and there is only so much you can rely on friends…) so I might not really have a choice.

Anyways, I did not mean for this to turn into a huge depressing rant, but this is what’s happened to me. I just wanted to say, I’m not disappearing and I hope you won’t stop following me and will keep on reading my stories when I get back to writing them.

Thank you. Xxx

AoH