Have you been so passion in doing something that you just love

but you can't reach for it just because of your lack of something?

I remember one of my blog were about me getting bullied well that was 2 years ago.

They told me i would never get pick for high jump and im just a useless type so i should stay that way.

But my grade went higher and I manage to escape from that class and went into a better class.

I got away from my bullies and it felt good.

But after 3 years of it, I realized they were right. I should have stayed useless.

Maybe if i did i wont feel sad about it.

I love high jump. I dont how my body reflex when i jumped but it was a good feeling. 

The gust of wind blowing and when your feet were off the ground.

Others were impress on how high i can jumped and they are confident i were gonna get pick

but... no..

I was ignored by the teachers for 3 years.

Today was the last day training and i didnt make it.

I were told that they only pick who has population in school or if they are beautiful people and im none of it.

All those 3 years of tears wasted, training harder than anyone, get picked on 

and it turns out to be useless.

This is my last year to do high jump and i didnt make it.

Maybe i should have try notice in school so the teacher even notice me.

I went to the teacher wondering why she came back and i heard no news who get picked 

until i stare at the paper she was holding on to.

She knows my passion for high jump because my friend brag about it in front of her face 

but i wasnt in the list. i felt like crying in front of the teacher.

I felt small and nervous talking to her cause i fear i will burst in tears.

Its unacceptable to train for 3 years and its all wasted.

Teacher told me its fine because i have my taekwondo but it doesnt feel the same like flying okay?

She told me i could continue to train then she walks away.

I was ready to jump off but i froze at the middle and asked myself why should i continue if im never getting notice for what i can be useful for.

Whenever i train, others would ask me how can i jump that high without a second try and i told them

"my body just flows like that"

They were all impress because i jumped the highest and yet im not noticed.

I guess its because i have no population in school and im not even close to pretty.

Im just a limp girl with panda eyes, dark skin, tall with normal almost skinny legs, hard bones and my collarboe really pop out.

long face with weird brigde nose, full of derp and all of these are weird combanation i bet in your head. ahaha

I give up having dreams already. Why did i even tried.

Why didnt i stop 3 years ago.

Why is i continue when i knew this would happen?

Truthfully, i thought i could show that a person like me can get noticed too but... i failed to do so.

i may jumped the highest but i dont have the looks.

im useless like they said.

i even wrote an essay about high jump because it asked what event changed your life.

so i wrote down how i felt toward high jump and the passion or loving it lasted 3 years non stop. 

It changed my life because i became motivated to get my grades up.

to become a sport person.

to become to girl who i am right now.

derpy, answering confidently in class, manage to get a social life with anyone, happy go lucky so... its actually rare for me to be sad in school.

AsianFanfic is the only place i can go to because i can express with letters but not words