Ayo~ Uhm. This is going to be long and if you're up for it and willing to give an insight I thank you in advance, it means a whole lot~ :)

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This has been bothering me for months now and I really can't think of how to feel about this. I have 3 girl friends.. What made it awesome because we were all newbies so I think my squad is cool so far since were in the same page you know.. Friend A already has a 1 y/o daughter.. She's super nice and funny but her only prob in life was she has an insanely overingprotective bf/husbund (since he's the father) He's the real definition of jerk actually. A's parents dont approve at all and he can't see his baby.. Well. Not that they know of since she and him go on dates secretly and if she can bring her daughter along, better. He came across me a bunch of times since he knew I was gay and he always suspects that I have a thing with his gf. Seriously a pain I tell you, I dont even know where to start.

Friend B is a bi. She has a girlfriend but in a really tough closet. Her family is quite conservative and yep, she got beaten at times because of that love.. I pity her alot..

And Friend C well.. She's.. Just there.. She's really funny to be with but I dont really feel that she treats us as friends or whatever..

So, nearing the end of the semester I had alot of badluck at home, me and my sis always fought and of course I was grounded as ever, no phone, stuff like that.. School is also a ing drag with all the baking and finals all together in one ing week.. Friend A and I had a misunderstanding because I couldnt make it to their house to bake a cake together and other ing were with me so yeah I screwed big.. I apologized sincerely but I didnt feel she was taking it also and I understand since were both pressured and all.. Then that night she blocked me from facebook.. I thought "wow. She's really mad." So I texted her that I apologize and I want to do everything to make up to her and all but I got no response.. These things actually affect me. I am an extremely emotional person so yeah I was really depressed that night. I didnt expect things to escalate that easily.. But blocking me? Its not like her honestly.. She's extremely kind and even if she's mad, she wouldnt go this far - so I just let it go and see what happens.. I did what I can to apologize and explain, its all up to her now..

Next day, she didnt reply to my texts at all. I kinda expected it so I plan to talk to her when we get in class.. While waiting, I sat with my other friends. I saw her pass by and ignored me. I wanted to wait it out untill end of class instead.. It was still early like an hour before class then her bf texted me. Cursing me to get a life. He probably knew that A and I argued so he had enough spirit to curse at me this time. He told me I am a dyke and to get away from her because if he sees me, he will punch me out of nowhere. He said he would beat me up badly. I ignored it all. Firstly, he cant punch me because he doesnt go to my school. Secondly, he'll get arrested so yeah I find it kinda funny of how super immature he is. The most offensive thing he told me that day was "I wont let you get to TASTE of what is MINE. Back off you motherer" --- I was like. Wtf? Yo. I am a decent person and I know respect. Being gay or bi doesnt mean one being easily attracted to anyone OR having with any gender right there and then. - JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE BIUAL. NO. I thought being out of the closet would be close to freedom but its not what I thought it would be.. 

 ** Aish. I'm beginning to ramble. I am so sorry. **

Anyways summing it all up. A and I made up after class. She was actually telling her bf off texting me. She saw our convo the whole time so I am glad I didnt cuss back. I am not that person.. But we have to pretend that we stopped talking so her bf would stop jerking about it. It was also her bf that blocked me on her facebook since they know each other's passwords.. Then A tells me that B blocked me off Facebook too.. I didnt know actually because I was too focused on A.. She told me that B's girlfriend was jealous of me so she blocked me off her gf's facebook -.- 

I thought everything was okay.. Except for the pretend part but at least we're still friends. Couple of days passed by and there's this awkward feel.. A told me that we have to ignore each other even in school so her bf would shut up.. I dont really understand why but I just went with it.. So we went to our classes together (we fixed each others schedules so we could go in the same classes as we can) but I couldnt talk to them 3. B was okay with me, its just her jealous gf but yeah.. I sit there and see them three laugh in class like WE used to do.. They went to lunch together too.. Friend C never even bothered to ask whats up or how I was in the roller coaster situation that past week.. She still went with A and B like usual day.. - Just without me in the picture. I felt like a loser again.. I felt so down I ditched the next class so I wouldnt see them..

I know I dont have the right but if A and B were really my friends, they would have stood up for me even a little since nothing really is going on with us to start with. We're JUST friends hanging out. They shouldn't have let that happen if they really wanted me to stay a part of them. We even had plans to work in the same restaurant for summer but I didnt push through. I went on my own since they cant contact me. (They blocked my cell number too because their partners check their phones. How wonderful.) I am STILL blocked on both accounts and A contacts me only to ask about school via her sister's facebook account. She doesnt even ask how I am ever since. Yes. EVER. SINCE. THAT DAY. She just asks about enrollment and other stuff..

I thought I found reliable people since I am new to that school and we were transferees and stuff.. I used to be friendly and I am always the first one to reach out to people and being the energetic one and loud but now - I dunno. I feel like I need to change that.. Like what I used to know about making friends before doesnt seem to work anymore this time. I thought I wont have any problems making friends or connecting to people since I am fond of meeting new people but now.. I am back to zero again since I detatched myself from them. Honestly, I feel lonelier than ever. Like. If someone was to kill me right now, I wouldnt fight back..

I feel like I am wasting time, effort and emotion just to calculate what the hell am I to them. Finding a new circle of friends will be.. Tough now for me. I dont know what to feel. I decided to just let them be without me. I did the right thing did I?

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Anyways I hope I didnt ramble too much. Did I make sense? Thanks again for reading till here.. If anyone did... Thank you so much..

I just hope no one experiences the same level of like I did.. 

-Monsta