Hello~ 

Just a little notice in my change of username from ErlynnMae0926 to unalteredmemory (same username in LJ). I've been planning on doing this since before I go on hiatus about over a year ago during thesis year. I'm really sorry for such a long hiatus mode.

Also, in celebration of lifting my hiatus mode, I am joining the kaisooaufest at LJ - "No One Dies This Time" so yeah please support that fic fest and let's give Kaisoo all the happy endings they deserve. After the fest do expect flooding of updates from my hiatus fics here. No Escape might undergo drafting status because I had to edit some parts to match the plot I finalized while in hiatus mode. I've got two one shots I haven't posted yet too huhuhu.... the other fics.. IYW and NL has the whole thing planned out already. Now just please be patient with my writing and posting habits haha

In lieu with the news of Kai dating. Well hell I sure am broken for my kaisoo heart right now. I think most of us who adore kaisoo feels the same way too right? Funny that things like this won't actually even matter to them but for us, the invested passion, time, feels, all the friendships and memories that have been formed directly and indirectly because of kaisoo gives me pain rn. (But I hell can't tear or god forbid throw away all my things that are kaisoo).

But after a full day of healing... I came to a conclusion (and I do not in anyway asks anyone to feel the same but I am just posting it out here...) I AM NOT LEAVING KAISOO. IT'S ALWAYS KAI FOR KYUNGSOO. KAI FOR D.O. JONGIN FOR KYUNGSOO OR JONGIN FOR D.O IT'S ALWAYS THE TWO OF THEM. But with this... is that final realization that indeed kaisoo is something I have formed in the field of fiction. I guess I knew it before already. And I knew this day would come and they'd start dating. And I can't say I'm happy because I really am not but instead of moping around and beig miserable, I tried sorting out everything and this is the best one I can get through with. I will always be in love with kaisoo... but I have also come into terms that the real life Kai and D.O. might never have the same happy ending I wish for KaiSoo to have. If they even do in the near future damn I'll be so happy for them. So A BIG FAT NO to leaving this OTP AND I SWEAR IF KAISOO CAN'T HAVE A HAPPY ENDING IN REAL LIFE, THEN I'D GIVE ALL THE HAPPY ENDINGS THEY DESERVE IN ALL ALTERNATE UNIVERSES. 

Also real life Kyungsoo is my UB and I can't leave that little penguin...and he just kept shining and slaying the stage and the big screens right now! As for baby Jonginnie I just need time to be able to accept this... but I don't hate him (hell this might just be something SM has been planning out or this could be real no one will ever ever know). But I do hope he'd be fine from the mixed reactions of all fans, and that he'd have his injury healed soon because despite all of this we are all very much aware of his passion in dancing (and I hope he doesn't forget that now that he's dating and all because that would really be a pity.)  I'll be limiting my visits to social media news feeds (because I don't think I will be able to stop my tears if I see another pic of the new couple again...) so yeah... a little break from the real world just until I am able to tolerate the heartbreak and able to look at pictures of real life Kai and D O .. and focus more on the fanfic and fanart world~

Also another thing. Perhaps this issue did something good to me after all. I for once ubderstood that the friendships I formed with others because of this otp should not just be based on them. We've talked and we realized we really should spend more time together and get to know each other as friends and try out activities we've never done before... I also realize how much I've been missing out because I was too deep into this and that I failed to experience other things in life. So I had my weekends planned out with trips and I'm about to take classes for language and music during saturdays while focusing on my work on weekdays...and just enjoy a lot of things I could've had if I weren't stuck in lying in bed all day checking for updates.

Oh and I'm planning to release kaisoo stickers too hahahaha but maybe after things calmed down. 

Thank you so much for listening to my long rant haha. And thank you to everyone who have read my stories and are still patiently waiting for updates.

릳니