ㅤ[ㅤ死のリスト ㅤCTRL + F : hyun miho] (tw)
현미호
seunghan's one-sided enemy.
"keep on walking. the world wants you dead, but it will never do. at least, it tries."
PERSONALITY TRAITS —
the yes. adaptable, curious, observant, forgiving.
the no. cynical, passive, impulsive, detached.
ELABORATION —
"I TRIED TO REMEMBER, BUT I LOST SOMETHING IN THE PROCESS."
• miho could easily adjust to things; she likes to keep in touch with reality and senses every single things that comes in the present; so when a changes came by, she was able to pick it up at immediate. it wasn't a regrettable idea though, in a constantly changing world. she learns things fast and is always aware of the changing tracks of a train — her course never really got into trouble that badly or anything. she never really had that much thoughts about the future consequences, but tend to be dealing with the most important things in the present day. she tends to act only at a certain time (present) that she forgets that some things could effect her in the future, long or short term. it wasn't a mere 'i hate you' or anything, but when the urgent needs are to be met, she needs to immediately address it, regardless whether she was in a safe zone or anything. she didn't think twice on an act, hence... sometimes the train stops abruptly.
• miho always wants to keep in touch with everything in the present, on every single detail, all without being left out. extremely knowledgeable and always craving for more of it, miho's sources are everything, but she never loses touch with the present track; always gaining passengers and never going away. whatever goes, it goes. but as always, tries everything new. everything that she hasn't known, feel, or try. she may, however, with the mounding bounds of knowledge, ended up in a world that's cynical; in an age of 27, miho is old enough to have so many disappointments and sadness to never be too naive about anything. the death of her little brother is a large influence of this, as well. sadness deepened, but she never really wanted to think about it. she never really had faith in anything, or everything.
• the very core of keeping reality was her sanity. it was the only thing that matters right now — students who had to be dealt with everyday, those who had been down with each sets of problems, that only so much she could analyse to look over and over again — the "job" consumes her, and seunghan might as well be a speckle of a nothing for her, had it not been for the fact that he was, in fact, still her childhood 'friend'. she knows the details well, and knew he might've been the most oblivious person on earth, just like the way people inside a train could feel the outside world as well. and she notes everything very well. it's just that she wasn't keen on doing anything about it, feeling that a more than quarter century year old woman wouldn't be able to change anything; she has all the thoughts and ideas to change the course, but trains don't have limbs to change tracks. not even her own future. when she has the now, she makes it to the fullest, but everything else isn't. and she hates being confined. she doesn't want to cram on for hours just to think of something to be refined. trial and errors are her way to learn.
• slightly unrelated to all above — her emotions. in paces with her own silence, she keeps feelings bottled up inside hers. it wasn't a top-notch priority in contrary to what she was supposed to act, keep up, and deal with. not easily fallible against her enemies, she clears distress much easily, and of all things, was able to keep emotions, all which are within her limits, controllable. she doesn't show anything near to high stress, not even when she lost her younger brother. but try ever breaking them all down. tearing them to shreds. throw them away the way she remembered. she would be pulled towards the hardest grounds, the worst ways. but to be fair, when all is lost, she has thrown away all the strongest feelings, to be buried. the locked box is nowhere to be seen inside the dark blue sea, unowned and thrown away from the train. but as far as musings go, that deep seas, where the lights couldn't go, would gently roll up towards the airy shores, where moist foam would sweep away carvings of the worst acts — memories of sadness, anger, agitation — and the sands are smoother. let her have that time to sweep over the sands, and she would walk over the barren road until she found a way to cope. some horrible things are carved on rocks, however. gave her the time, and the rocks would be smoothened over, glistening under the sun, and over the clear sea water.
BACKGROUND + CURRENT EVENTS —
• hyun miho was born to a migrating zainichi father and a local zainichi mother. miho knew rather well that being known as a part japanese, where anti-sentiments about being a half is already bad, doubles up a whole lot of things. for her, it was quite the long while. for three years, she lived in japan, that is three months, before going to south korea and stayed due to her father's professor job. not only that, her brother was in a desperate need for a more supportive environment, suffering under dyslexia. from early on, miho knew well how commitments worked, and they weren't exactly for hers, either. in south korea, where her father was previously raised. their environment weren't generally the friendliest, ironically — miho was relentlessly teased from the beginning of time and bullied later on, although none as intense with her brother. for all the things she'd known, kids can be cruel. and none of them hesitated to shove him down to pavements until he bled, broke his teeth, etc, all while she had to cope with them. the adult neighbors were slightly better, but only the teachers were genuinely kind enough to provide him with help. that's when she knew of seunghan (and his sister, but that's another story), whom was the first kid who wanted to befriend his brother, and shortly, her. The three were inseparable (and also, Seungyeon later join the group of three (and possibly Seunghan's other sister.)
• hyun miho saw very well. she saw how seunghan ran away from home, in a face of full betrayal and anger. she saw how he communicated with his friends (minus her brother), and he was smoking cigarettes. sure, it was nothing, and she couldn't think much, but she saw how he went drinking, all at the sheer age of thirteen, and tried to pull her brother out of his social friends. he knew well it was for the best of his interests, but as far as friendship goes, seunghan was the only one friend he had — coping with bullying gets much harder after that. after three years of constant battle with depression, he committed suicide. she was the first one to find out about his dead body, and to this day, she'd never really forgiven herself. while she might forgave others in all constant wrongdoings, all a coping mechanism that everyone were redeemable but her — she was hateful of herself.
• but she tried getting seunghan out as well — she met him at a local pub, flirting with girls. when he saw her, she tried talking to him, never seeing him at his funeral, but when he realized it was her who told him to get away from seunghan, he completely refused to talk to her. the whole thing hit her hard too, although seunghan was in a tipsy stupor and wasn't completely sober. it discouraged her severely, and she never visited him again. she was able to deal with seungyeon, however, and they were closer.
• hyun miho currently studies at daesan university, but recently finished her undergraduate course and plans to move to yonsei to take her honorary degree. kept her brother's phone with her when he died — it was working, and on the night of seunghan's death, she was still studying at university when she heard the news. crushed, but she couldn't do anything but regretted herself for 'giving up'. but on the 18th of february, she received a threatening message.
RELATIONSHIPS —
• little brother - hyun kuro (16 (deceased)) - former highschool student - kind, timid, pushover - as far as noona-dongsaeng goes... kuro acts and follows his big sister pretty nicely, and miho is fiercely protective of him (as far as bullying goes... we know well what happened). kuro understood extremely well that his sister thought of seunghan as a bad influence, but when he couldn't cope with loneliness and a constant battle with depressions, nothing holds. but until the end, he still loved his sister very much, as much as she constantly pestered him. in the last few years of his life, they both didn't speak much anymore, except for the one-sided convos from miho, but other than that, they're very quiet, mostly from the exhaustion that kuro faced, but at one point, a part of his selfish conscience still wanted a friend. she tried to be there, but it wasn't enough.
• one-sided enemy - park seunghan (19 (deceased)) - former university student - charming, stubborn, vengeful (see app for more details) - uhh... when they were younger, she genuinely enjoyed his company, and for the good reasons — he was cheerful, caring, and was relievingly protective of her brother. but when he started to self-destruct, for the good reasons, she pulled kuro out of his life. she never viewed him as the good kid he was anymore. and she knew well the circumstances of his background, but that doesn't mean she wanted her brother (in all of his pushover traits) to get into bad things in life, especially considering that he was easily influenced. so when she reconnect with him again, at a coincidence in a bar, he was furious to hear his best friend died, and took her as a scapegoat. explaining to a stubborn someone was horrible, and even before she could, he turned away in a huff. they never talked to each other again, and seunghan is pissed. this occured one year before his death, and it wasn't even long after kuro's. at that point, when seunghan was admitting what she thought was right, she was condemned to that kind of guilt for the rest of the timeline. it wasn't the best time to console, not when seunghan himself was already drunk enough, and it was partially wrong timing. but it hit her hard enough that she wasn't keen on talking to him anymore.
• sisterly friendship - park seungyeon (16) - highschool student - risk-takes, mischevious, stubborn (see app for more details) - seungyeon and her kept close contacts, even after seunghan basically denied miho off. miho felt like a sister seungyeon never had, and sometimes miho spoiled her. still, she disagrees greatly when she realized that seungyeon might've been going around talking with older men, one that she couldn't be happy about, but she was reluctant when having to tell her — seunghan would've done so first, so there was really no point in going to her just to repeat it. besides, going on their relationship, she was assured it would be worse if it was her who had to do it. miho just keep her lines as much as she could, and still comfort seungyeon when she heard of seunghan's death — that's the only thing she could do, knowing that she had been there, at one point.
• ??? - ...seunghan & seungyeon's sister name - student - see app - tba. in case she has an app.
LAST MESSAGE TO SEUNGHAN —
• hey, seunghan. everyone found out about your dead body, so i highly doubt it was you, except you tried excorcising. hah, lame joke. anyways, i know you're probably somewhere, and if your spirit still looks at this, which i don't really doubt, since it's really cold in my desk. listen, i'm not going to go around ranting about how much you're still kind of a turd and whatever, but just... let me have this as my goodbye. if you have any messages, someone either stole your phone, or maybe it's seungyeon, i highly doubt that (except if the creep goes around her house, well she's screwed). i don't know. but tell the sender to stop doing this messaging spree. i know you're a bad boy, but you're not that bad. you can be kind of awful, sure, and i'm not a part of those who would miss you greatly. we're not friends. you hated me, but... it's all over, isn't it? i know you never came back begging for me, and i don't want to, but if you read this, just... ugh this goes 100 words too long. take care of kuro. can you please tell him i'm sorry? also... no, i don't hate you. i don't hate you for what you did. if i could talk to you right now, i'm sorry for picking the wrong time to talk to you. i didn't realize that you were halfway drunk that day.
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