Welp. I couldn't sleep. Hopefully this takes my mind off things long enough to fall asleep.

  Kaisoo is my otp.

  Kyungsoo is my 2nd bias. Jongin is my 4th. Kaisoo is my armada.

  Imagine my shock when the news came out in the morning. 

  I'm in....a whirlpool of emotions. I tried to pass it off casually, believe that everything will be fine.

  But I couldn't.

  I broke down crying when I finally got home.

  It'd be very easy to blame someone for all this. Jongin is an option. SM is another. Dispatch is a third. Krystal's the next.

  Oh did I mention? Krystal's my bias in f(x).

  They both broke my heart, and I couldn't piece it back together. But try as I might, I could not find it in my heart to hate them. I love both Jongin and Soojung themselves too much.

  Here's a little backstory about Kim Jongin.

  He was never one of my favourites in the beginning. Never really noticed him and all. However, I started to get to know him after being interested in Kaisoo. Kaisoo was a huge change in my life. Jongin himself influenced me in a lot of ways. I admired his morals, loved his character, was feeling his passion for dance too. Jongin unexpectedly became a huge part of my life.

  Here's a little backstory about Jung Soojung.

  I first knew her as Jessica's little sister. Who doesn't? Like Jongin, I never really paid much attention to her at first. The turning point for me was when I watched this fancam of her fainting in Mr Boogie, back when she was about 15/16. From that day onwards, I liked her. I liked how she's so determined, and finishes what she started. I like how she tries her best at everything. I like her occasional snarkiness. She was a leading female character for me.

  I was going to apologize, but I decided not to. Because just as much as they're not really in my life, neither am I really in theirs'.

  So I'm not sorry to say this: I'm not happy with their relationship.

  This is just my honest answer, simply because I don't feel happy. On the contrary, I feel miserable.

  For those people telling Jongin stans and kaisoo stans to get over it, please do understand. This came as a shock to all of us, and for those feeling miserable, we are mourning something that we lost.

  For Jongin stans, Jongin was more than just an idol to them.

  For Kaisoo stans, Kaisoo was more than just a ship to them.

  As for me. Well. I cannot accept them. But I will continue to love them like I've always had. It might take a while, but I'll get there.